Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,241 thumbs up)
  • Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Fixed With A Male-To-Female Adaptor

    | ON, Canada | Bigotry, Technology

    (I work tech support at an inbound call center for a fairly large ISP. A lot of customers get transferred by sales agents when they select the wrong option. I’m female.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can we help you?”

    Elderly Caller: “Oh, hello, dear. I’m just waiting for a tech support man.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m tech support! How can I help?”

    Elderly Caller: “Oh no, no, honey. I’m sure there will be a tech support man along to help me shortly. I don’t mind waiting on hold.”

    (After a few minutes of attempting to get her information and assuring I can help, I finally resolve the issue and we say goodbye. A few hours later I get an email from a coworker who had spoken to the same woman. He transcribed a message she insisted get to me that read as follows:)

    Message: “Please tell [my Name] that she fixed all the problems I had and I didn’t mean to be rude. I didn’t even know women were allowed to work tech support so it’s not my fault!”

    Returns From The Dead

    , | Pasadena, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology, Transportation

    (At the auto parts store I work for we offer free battery charging for any car/truck/boat batteries as long as they do not test bad.)

    Customer: “I’d like to get this battery charged please.”

    Me: “Okay, let me just test it real quick.”

    (This battery looks like crap, but it’s not leaking so I go ahead and test it.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this battery is not good. It has a bad cell in it. I can’t charge it.”

    Customer: “What do you mean it’s bad?! This battery is pretty much new. You need to charge anyway.”

    Me: “Not gonna happen. It is actually dangerous if I try to charge this.”

    Customer: “I demand you charge this right NOW!”

    Me: “No. Your battery is dead; no amount of charging is going to bring it back. You will need to get a replacme—”

    Customer: “I SAID, CHARGE IT!”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well, I demand to—”

    Me: “I am the manager. I will NOT charge this battery. It has a bad cell, and there is no way this battery is anywhere near new. Judging by the inch worth of grease around the case and the ungodly level of corrosion on the terminals, I would say this battery is at least 7-8 years old. And If I were to attempt to charge this over sized paperweight, there is a chance it could explode and cause serious damage to the people around it.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Me: “Not happening.”

    Customer: “Crap… but I can’t afford a new battery.”

    Me: “Look, give me a chance to check the back. We do have a used battery program, and I may have one in stock.”

    (I walk in the back and find a used battery that fits the customer’s car.)

    Me: “I found this one in the back. Now it is classified as used, but that just means that someone returned a battery with no problems to it, but we can no longer sell it new.”

    Customer: *brightens* “Really? How much?”

    Me: “$43.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s great! I was worried that I was going to have to spend hundreds on a new battery. Thank you so much!” *buys battery and leaves*

    Me: *to coworker* “Why do people always demand we bring dead things back to life?”

    Coworker: “I don’t know, but let me know when you figure out how to do that.”

    Self-Disservice Checkout, Part 2

    | Grand Junction, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I make a quick stop at a grocery store one afternoon. I am using the self-checkout when I can’t help but overhear a couple at the self-check stand behind me.)

    Lady: “Why isn’t it working?”

    Man: “I don’t know. Just set it on the scanner.”

    Lady: “It still isn’t doing anything. Why won’t it scan?”

    (My curiosity finally gets to me and I turn to see what the problem was. The couple has a bell pepper, without any barcodes or stickers on it, and are trying to figure out why the scanner can’t read it. I just stand there staring at them in shock when the attendant walks up to assist them.)

    Attendant: “Oh, here, I’ll show you. There’s no barcode on that. You have to find the code.”

    Lady: “What!?! Why does it need a barcode?”

    Related:
    Self-Diservice Checkout

    Living In Her Own Pizza Pie In The Sky

    | UT, USA | Food & Drink, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Will this be for take out or delivery?”

    Customer: “Hi. Um, can I get a large pizza with pepperoni, sausage, olives—”

    Me: “Yes. I just need to know if you will be coming to pick this up, or if you would like to have it delivered?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (The customer proceeds to order food without telling me if it’s for take-out or delivery which is info that we need to take the order. To make things worse just at that moment my computer freezes making it impossible to take an order.)

    Customer: “… and I would also like to add a salad on to that order—”

    (The customer continues to order food at light speed as I try to interject.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I need you to hold on for a second.”

    (The customer is completely oblivious to everything I’m saying, and continues to order.)

    Me: “Miss, I need you to hang on for just a second. My computer froze and I am unable to take your order for a moment.”

    Customer: ” Okay, I think that’s everything. How much will the total be?”

    (I am completely dumbfounded by this woman.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I have to put you on hold. Hang on for one moment.”

    (I put the woman on hold and notify my manager that one of the computers has frozen. I proceed to take the order on another computer but when I take the phone off hold I find that the customer has hung up. 15 seconds or so pass and the phone rings again. This time my coworker answers the call.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Will this be for take-out or delivery?”

    Customer: “Hi. Yes. Um, I just called in and your phone person hung up on me. We had the order paid for and everything.”

    (Never in my life have I dealt with a more oblivious person.)

    Common Sense Isn’t In The Cards

    | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a grocery store that has a club card for ‘extra’ savings. Two customers come up with a six-case of wine. I ring them up.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you have a club card?”

    Customer #1: “What is this?! You are charging me too much! Fix it!”

    Me: “If you just swipe your club card, the price will drop. Do you have one?”

    Customer #1: “You are overcharging me! Give me my money!”

    Me: *calmly* “Do you have a club card?”

    Customer #1: “I said give me the correct price NOW!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you need to put in your club card number for the discount. Do you have—”

    Customer #2: “Listen, girl, just give us the correct price!” *begins screaming in unison with friend*

    Me: *being interrupted every other word* “I cannot give it to you without a club card. Would you like to sign up for one?”

    (Eventually, I beckon my manager over and end up using one of our spare cards to show them the discount. He smoothes things over, but not before one of them tells him that I should be more polite. He pulls me aside to ask what happened.)

    Me: “They wouldn’t let me even explain that they needed a club card for their discount.”

    Boss: “Well, next time, just swipe it. And remember, just because you and I have common sense doesn’t mean they do.”

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