November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Wish You Could Firewall These Customers

, | St. Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my computer is on fire. What should I do?”

Me: “Call the fire department! Why are you calling us? You should try to put it out!”

Customer: “It’s your fault, though! What are you going to do about my computer?”

Me: “Sir, I strongly advise you trying to put out the fire before we continue. There is nothing we can do about your computer being on fire.”

Customer: “Look here! I was following your instructions on the CD that came with the kit. It told me to install the ethernet adaptor. I opened my laptop, put the green card inside, put it back together, and now it’s on fire.”

Me: “Whoa! Wait, you said you got a green ethernet card, and you opened your laptop up and put it in there?”

Customer: “Yes! Now what are you going to do about my computer being on fire!”

Me: “Sir, the adaptor we sent you was for a desktop computer, not for a laptop. There is no way that the card supplied will work for your computer. We could have assisted you had you called in prior to you attempting to install the adaptor, when you could not find a place to plug it in. Instead you slammed it all together, and caused your own fire hazard. I strongly suggest that you call the fire department, or try to put out the fire yourself while the firefighters arrive. There is nothing that I can do to support you at this time.”

Customer: “But what is [ISP] going to do about my computer?!”

Electric Sense Of Humor

| IL, USA | Technology

(I work in the electrical department of a hardware store. I’m a young male with pretty long hair, so sometimes the customers don’t want my help with electrical questions, as they believe me to be too young to know what I’m talking about, even though I also work as an electrician. A middle-aged woman approaches me and impatiently knocks on the desk to get my attention.)

Woman: “I need help with some wiring my husband is doing at home.”

Me: “Sure thing. What exactly did you need help with?”

Woman: “I have some questions.”

Me: “If you’d like to explain the project to me, I’d be happy to answer any of your questions.”

Woman: *looks me up and down* “No, I need someone who knows what they’re doing.”

Me: “I’m certain I can help you if you’d like to explain the problems you’re having.”

Woman: “No, I’d like you to call somebody else over.”

Me: *seeing this is going nowhere, I get on the store intercom* “Guest assistance needed at the electrical desk, please. Guest assistance at the electrical desk.” *to woman* “Someone will be right with you.”

(I go back to reading the Sunday ad while she waits. About 60 seconds later I look up.)

Me: “Hi there, ma’am. You needed some help in electrical?”

(The woman just looked at me in astonishment and stormed away.)

Rated ‘M’ For Mother

| PA, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Top

(I decide to stop at my favorite video game store at the mall the very day that the final entry to an insanely popular video game trilogy is released. It’s reasonably crowded due to this and nearly everyone in the store is purchasing this game.)

Customer #1: *speaking loud enough that half the store can hear her over the chatter* “This is the game he wants?”

Customer #1’s Husband: “Yeah. He has the other two, so I told him we’d get it.”

Customer #1: “What’s this rated?” *she looks at the back* “There’s blood and violence in this! I’m not buying our son a murder simulator! He’s going to think it’s okay to shoot people!”

(That part of the store gets quiet quickly and everyone who heard what had been said turns to look at her, some of them holding a copy of the game of which she was referring.)

Customer #2: “Ma’am, I respect your decision not to buy your son something you feel is inappropriate for him and applaud you for looking into things before you buy them for him, but I’d like to point out that it’s generally not a good idea to vocally imply a room full of strangers are murderers for liking a game.”

Customer #1: “Oh… um… sorry…”

(She couldn’t have gotten out of there quick enough. The rest of the store laughed and things quickly went back to normal. A few minutes later, her husband comes back to buy the game.)

Employee: “Oh, are you the one who was in here with that woman earlier? You’re buying this for your son, right? I trust you’re already aware that this game is rated ‘M.'”

Customer #1’s Husband: “Yeah. You don’t have to give me the spiel about that, though. She forgot that he’s 23…”

MS Word To The Wise

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

User: “Can you show me how to set up vacation email responses in Microsoft? I know there’s some way to set it up, but I can’t seem to do it myself. The guides say to go to ‘file,’ then ‘info,’ then ‘automatic replies,’ but there’s no such thing in my Microsoft!”

Me: “Well, let’s take a look…”

User: “See, I go to ‘file,’ then ‘info,’ but there’s no ‘automatic replies’ in my Microsoft.”

Me: “There you go, sir. All set.”

User: “Wow! There it is! How come ‘automatic replies’ shows up for you but it didn’t show up for me?”

Me: “Because you were trying to set up email replies in Microsoft Word…”

Laptop Flop, Part 8

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “…Okay, now, shut your computer all the way down and then restart.”

Caller: “I can’t.”

Me: “Why not?”

Caller: “I’m not on a laptop.”

(To clarify, when I said ‘shut down’ she thought I meant to close the lid of the laptop.)

Laptop Flop, Part 7
Laptop Flop, Part 6
Laptop Flop, Part 5