• A Pain In The Nugget
    (1,364 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Laptop Flop, Part 7

    | Sacramento, CA USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (Because we are an office supply store, many identity thieves and money launderers try to buy laptops from us because they assume we’ll be less vigilant than some other, more popular electronics stores. On this day, a customer we’ve seen many times before, who always uses questionable payment methods – like cards with important info scratched off, expiration dates that don’t match, etc. – comes in. Somehow he thinks we won’t recognize him, despite the fact that he comes in every two weeks. As always, he heads straight for the cooler, to buy an orange soda – which is the same thing he’s always done every time he’s come in. According to policy, we can’t refuse a customer service even if we know he’s been trying to scam us.)

    Coworker: “Oh, hey, [Customer]! Good to see you again!”

    Customer: “Hey! I— what? I’ve never been in here before!”

    Me: “You really like that orange soda, don’t you? You get one every time you’re here! I have to admit, it IS pretty good.”

    (The customer grabs a bag of chips, too, you know, because that will throw us off!)

    Me: “What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “I wanna buy a laptop. Just give me the cheapest laptop you have.”

    (Honest customers browse the selection, ask questions about features, and pick a laptop that will work for the tasks they have planned for it. Not this guy! But I decide I’m not going to play the game of pulling a laptop from lockup, dealing with this guy’s fraudulent card, or watch him try to make a grab for the items we’re keeping behind the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re out of that one. It’s on sale this week, so it’s pretty popular.”

    Customer: “Well, then how about the next cheapest one?”

    Me: “Let me check.”

    (I wander around the store for a minute, and then come back up.)

    Me: “Well, we had one of those, but it got returned because it’s damaged. I can’t sell it.”

    Customer: “Well… how about [Brand]? Just give me any laptop you have! I don’t care what it is. Just give me one. It’s for my little brother for school.”

    Me: “Yeah, you know? All these models are being cleared out for next year’s models. It doesn’t look like we have ANY in stock! But, hey! I’m pretty sure by the time you come back next week, we’ll have some. Did you want to leave us your name and phone so we can call you when we have more in stock?”

    Customer: “Err, no. I’ll go somewhere else.”

    (He tried to play it cool and leave the store, but we saw he had someone idling in the parking lot right outside the door. We were able to get a license plate number, make, and model, to report to the police. We bet he was going to try to make a grab for the laptop and run with it. But once he realized we all knew his face, he stopped coming in. Thank goodness!)

    Laptop Flop, Part 6
    Laptop Flop, Part 5
    Laptop Flop, Part 4

    An Unhappy Meal

    | NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The majority of my calls tend to come from the technologically deficient users attempting to access our online banking site.)

    Caller: “I can’t get into your website. Are you having problems?”

    Me: *verifies website is working normally* “No, ma’am, our website appears to be working just fine. There might be an issue with your computer. What web browser are you using?”

    Caller: “McDonald’s.”

    Me: “Pardon me, but did you say McDonald’s?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Are you using the Internet at McDonald’s?”

    Caller: “Of course, that is what I just told you.”

    Me: “Okay, but I need to know what program you are using to get onto our website.”

    Caller: “I already told you. I’m using McDonald’s.”

    Me: “I understand you are using their Internet access, but I need to know what program you are using. Could it be Internet Explorer, Firefox, Google Chrome, or Opera?”

    Caller: *in a rather desperate tone* “I already told you. I’m using McDonald’s.”

    Me: “I understand. What does the icon that you clicked on look like? Is it a blue ‘E’ with a gold halo?”

    Caller: “How would I know that?”

    Me: “Look on your desktop and…”

    Caller: “How many times do I have to tell you that I’m at McDonald’s?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the desktop is what you see when you turn the computer on.”

    (This conversation went on for 20 minutes before we finally figured out she was using Internet Explorer. The issue was that her Java was out of date. Way out of date. Talking her through updating Java took an additional 15 minutes. After the conversation, I walked into my boss’s office and informed him that I qualified for hazard pay.)

    IMEI Oh My

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “My phone is completely dead. I can’t do anything with it”

    Me: “Does it have a removable battery?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Can you please remove it as I need to check the IMEI number?”

    Customer: “But that will disconnect the call.”

    A Bad App-raisal Of The Situation

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I bought an eBook from your website, but I can’t read it on my tablet.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can do. What sort of tablet do you have? Is it Apple or Android?”

    Customer: “It’s a [high end Android]. My son bought it for me.”

    Me: “Nice. And when you open up [Our App], does the book appear there?”

    Customer: “No, it’s not in my library.”

    Me: “You say you purchased the eBook from our website. Are you sure the account information you used when you purchased it is the same as your app is registered under?”

    Customer: “Um, yes? I can’t imagine that I would have more than one account with you.”

    Me: “And other books work just fine?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Have you tried syncing your library?”

    Customer: “How do I do that?”

    Me: “Open the app and hit the refresh button. It’s a circular arrow in the bottom left.”

    Customer: “I don’t have that.”

    Me: “That’s weird. What do you see?”

    Customer: *describes a screen which sounds suspiciously like our competitor’s app*

    Me: “Sir, what app do you use to read your eBooks?”

    Customer: “I use my library.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, your books appear in the library screen of the app, but which app do you use? Are you using [Our App] or [Competitor’s App]?”

    Customer: “I use the app on my tablet.”

    Me: “Okay, where do you normally buy your eBooks?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “The eBooks currently in your library which you are able to read. Which website were you on when you bought them? [Our website] or [Competitor’s website]?”

    Customer: “[Competitor’s website]. They have lots of good deals.”

    Me: “All right sir, I’ve figured out the problem. You purchased an [our format] eBook from our website. That book is not compatible with [Competitor’s App]. You’ll have to download [Our App] in order to read it.”

    Customer: “But I already paid for it.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry, sir. The book is yours. The app is available as a free download both on our website and from the Play Store. It only takes a minute.”

    Customer: “My books always show up in my library when I buy them. Why doesn’t this one?”

    Me: “I know it’s confusing, sir. [Our Company] sells [Our eBook Readers], and [Competitor] sells [Competitor’s eBook Readers]. EBooks bought from [Our Company] can only be read on [Our eBook Readers] or [Our App], just as [Competitor]’s eBooks can only be read on their products.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. I paid for this book.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, and it is yours. But the app you are using is made and run by [Competitor]. You bought this book from us. [Competitor] has no way of knowing that you bought this book, so they can’t put it into the app on your tablet.

    Customer: Can you call them and tell them I bought it? Then they’ll know.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that, sir. But again, you can download [Our App] for free and read the book you purchased.”

    Customer: “Okay, so you guys have your own books and your own app thing, and [Competitor] has their own books and their own app, and they don’t work together at all?”

    Me: “Yes sir. That’s absolutely correct. A little complicated, I know.”

    Customer: “So how do I get your app so I can read my book?”

    Me: “The same way you got [Competitor’s App]. Open the Play Store, search for [Our App], and download it. Once it installs you’ll have to enter your email address and password. Then your book will appear in your library. We’ll give you a couple additional titles for free.”

    Customer: “My tablet’s library?”

    Me: “No, sorry, the library in [Our App].”

    Customer: “So when I want to read this book I’ll need to open your app, and when I want to read my other books I’ll need to open [Competitor’s App]?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Okay, I suppose I can handle that. When should I expect my app to arrive?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “The app that you’re sending me in the mail. When will it be here?”

    Me: “The… mail? You know what, sir? I think you should come into our store. Can you drop by tomorrow?”

    (And I made d*** sure I was not around when he came in!)

    Putting The Terror Into Terabytes

    | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer walks in and grabs a 3 GB USB stick from the rack and brings it to the counter.)

    Me: “Afternoon, sir.”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. Can you help me? What can I do with this?”

    Me: “Umm… you can store files on this device using a computer.”

    Customer: “Files?”

    Me: “Yeah, pictures, text, movies, music. Anything.”

    Customer: “And Google-ing?”

    Me: “If you mean the Internet, no. You’ll need a bigger USB stick.”

    (The customer grabs a 32 GB stick.)

    Me: “Eh. Right, that was sarcastic. You’ll need millions and millions of USB sticks for that.”

    Customer: “There are only 20 on the rack.”

    Me: “What I’m trying to say is that it is impossible to copy the Internet to a USB stick.”

    Customer: “Oh. What about a floppy?”

    Me: “Those are outdated and store even less than a USB stick.”

    Customer: “But can I store a ‘Internet’ on it?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “I want the manager.”

    Me: “I am the manager.”

    (The customer stormed off.)

    Page 28/176First...2627282930...Last