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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Intelligence Unplugged

    | Pocatello, ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer’s cable box has an error and needs to be reset to correct it.)

    Me: “Okay we need to reset your box. We can do that by unplugging it for 15 seconds and plugging it back in.”

    Customer: “It’s not plugged in.”

    Me: “It’s not plugged in?”

    Customer: “No it’s never been plugged in.”

    Me: “So it’s not plugged in?”

    Customer: “Right.”

    Me: “The power light is on right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “And we have that error message on the screen correct?”

    Customer: “Correct.”

    Me: “But it’s not plugged in?”

    Customer: “Right, it’s never been plugged in.”

    Me: “…let’s check just to make sure.”

    Customer: “Alright, but you’re wasting my time. This has never been plugged in since you guys hooked it up a few years ago.”

    Me: “I understand. Just humor me.”

    Customer: “Oh… it is plugged in. What did you want me to do?”

    Me: “Unplug it for 15 seconds, and plug it back in.”

    (After that it works just fine!)

    Charged Up With Anger–If Nothing Else, Part 2

    | WI, USA | Technology, Transportation

    (I work at a retailer where we frequently sell and install car batteries. I am currently installing one with the customer constantly looking over my shoulder.)

    Me: “Sir, one of these bolts is stripped; I will have to replace it or the car will not start.”

    Customer: “I’m sure it will be fine.”

    Me: “But, sir—”

    Customer: “JUST LEAVE IT!”

    (I finish hooking up the battery and the car does not start just as I told him.)

    Customer: “Oh you really f****** up! You just ruined my wife’s $60,000 truck! I need to get an emissions test done; now it’s going to fail. Do you even know what the f*** you’re doing?”

    Me: “Sir, there is nothing wrong with the truck. Like I told you earlier, the bolt needs to be replaced. I’ll be more than happy to do it free of charge.”

    (I begin replacing the bolt silently, all while he is screaming and questioning my intelligence. I finish and the car starts up immediately.)

    Customer: “YOU KNOW WHAT!? You don’t know what you’re doing; I don’t want your battery anymore! Put my old one back in; I’m going to the dealer!”

    (At this point I’ve heard enough, and politely oblige and quickly go back in to help another customer who has been patiently waiting. 30 seconds later, my original customer rushes back into the store.)

    Customer: “YOU DUMB-A**! My car won’t start! I knew you had no idea what you’re doing! And now my $60,000 truck is ruined because of your stupidity!”

    Me: “Sir, your car isn’t starting because you told me to put your dead battery back in, after I had it running with the new one. Now this customer has been waiting patiently; I will gladly help you after I help this gentleman.”

    (The original continues to have a fit in front of all the other customers, insulting me and my intelligence. I turn to the next customer.)

    Next Customer: *in a very cheery voice* “Hi, how are you today!?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m just wonderful. What can I do for you today?”

    (The next customer looks at the angry original customer, then back at me with a huge grin on his face.)

    Next Customer: “Yes! I have truck outside that needs a battery. Would you mind installing it for me?”

    Original Customer: *lets out a moan of disgust, and storms out*

    Related:
    Charged Up With Anger–If Nothing Else

    No Common Scents, Part 3

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Bizarre, Technology, Transportation

    (I work in the call center, making bookings for vehicle maintenance. I have just booked the customer in for a service.)

    Me: “Is there anything else you would like us to take a look at while your vehicle is with us?”

    Customer: “Yes, last weekend I took a load of rubbish to the dump and the car smelt funny, but the smell was gone after a couple of days. Could you get the guys to take a look?”

    Me: “So, you transported rubbish in your car and that made your car smell, but the smell has now gone, and you would like us to look into that?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “…Not a problem.”

    Related:
    No Common Scents, Part 2
    No Common Scents

    Made A Good Call

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Money, Technology, Top

    (I’m a cashier, but we have the phones by us and answer all calls. A woman calls and is frantic; she’s lost her iPhone and explains what it looks like. It’s slow, so I go and hunt for it. I find it and call her back.)

    Me: “Hi, it’s [my name] from [store]. I found your phone and have it with me up at the registers. Whenever you’d like to come in and pick it up will be fine.”

    Customer: “Oh my God! Thank you, thank you! I’ll be in soon to grab it!”

    (About 20 minutes later, a customer comes in and approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m the lady who lost her phone. Pink case, with white polka dots.”

    Me: “Yep I’ve got it right here. It wasn’t any trouble really.”

    Customer: “You’re the one who went and found it right? Thank you so much! Here take this!”

    (She proceeds to put some money in my hand. I stammer and shake my head, but she insists.)

    Customer: “I would’ve had to pay a lot more to replace the phone, and you were kind enough to find it and hold it for a klutz like me. I insist you take this and buy yourself something nice!”

    (The customer then leaves; leaving me with a $40 tip that I use to buy sushi for my boyfriend and me!)

    Time For A Tea-V

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I am manning the phones late on a Saturday afternoon.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [TV service]; how can I help you?”

    Caller: “The TV’s gone wrong. There will be somebody in at six to fix it. The football’s on tonight.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we cannot get anybody out until Monday.”

    Caller: “You have gotta be f****** joking. You advertise 24-hour service.”

    Me: “We have a 24-hour answering service to take the details. Repairs are carried out from 8 am until 6 pm, Monday through to Saturday.”

    Caller: “Look, c***! Get somebody round my house now, or I’ll come round there and smash your f****** face in!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t help.”

    Caller: “Okay ‘boy’, put me through to your boss. I want to talk to the organ grinder, not the monkey.”

    (The boss is in the office with me, and has heard my half of the conversation. My boss picks up the phone, and puts it in speaker mode.)

    Boss: “Good evening, sir. How can I be of assistance?”

    Caller: “Your f****** ‘TEA BOY’ has told me I can’t get my TV fixed today!”

    Boss: “The f****** tea boy is absolutely correct.”

    (My boss puts the phone down on the caller, cutting him off in mid-flow of swear words. He looks over and smiles.)

    Boss: “That’s the way to handle them. Now, how about a cup of tea now that you have been promoted?”


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