Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Finally Getting With The Program

, | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a call center for a telephone company in their DSL technical support department. Apparently my “phone voice” is very close to the Interactive Voice Response (IVR) system’s. At least once a week, I get a call like this:)

Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?

Caller: Are you human?

(At this point, I can usually hear some frustration in the customer’s voice, so I say something that they’re not expecting to break the ice.)

Me: “No, sir/ma’am. I am just a better programmed computer…”

Urgently Divergent

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Client: “Hi, I just submitted a new ticket. It’s very urgent so please make it your top priority.”

Me: “I’ve got about six tickets from you, and most of them are marked urgent. Which one do you want me to work on first?”

Client: “All of them.”

Wanted A Quick And Dirty Fix

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Technology

(Our company provides onsite tech support for companies not large enough to have their own full time staff. We offer a discount for our customers who bring their machines to our office and are willing to forgo same day service. Our receptionist is an obviously young but very pretty local teenager with red hair. I am the only female tech on staff and blond. A middle aged male customer has brought his computer back for the third time in just over a month. Each time he has dropped off the machine he has insisted that the female tech work on it. Sometimes our customers have favorite staff but I’ve never met this gentlemen. My coworker waves me over as I walk in the door.)

Coworker: “This is Mr.J. He is still having problems viewing images on his system. I see you’ve done several scans and were unable to reproduce the problem.”

Me: “Yes, I was able to remove malware and several toolbars but could not find a problem with opening image files or video. When the system returned I recommended a security package and ran diagnostics on the hardware.”

(The customer has gone very red in the face.)

Customer: “I wanted the other girl to fix my computer.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m currently the only female on staff but if you’re not satisfied with my work we can have our lead technician go back over the machine at no charge to you.”

(The man is looking increasingly angry and upset to the point where my coworker is directing nervous glances to the back room.)

Customer: “The redhead! The one that answers the phone on the lobby.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but she is a high-school student not a technician. As I said I can have coworker look at this for you instead.”

(The man SLAMMED his hands down on the counter and then grabbed his tower, pulling all of our cables out of their positions and nearly sending our monitor onto the floor. After a mad scramble to unhook everything he stormed out, raging about how we had ruined everything. I looked back at my notes and every file he reported as not opening correctly was porn.)

Not As Quick As Lightning

| LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at an AM radio station, and we have just suffered a lightning hit at the tower which knocked us off the air. Then the phone rings:)

Listener: “Hey, I don’t hear anything on my radio!”

Me: “Yeah, we got knocked off by lightning.”

Listener: “Well, why don’t you make an announcement?”

A CPU And A Very Fast Drive

| NY, USA | Technology, Transportation

(In the mid 1990s my friend has a new CPU on the way to his house and is a little too eager to get it installed. He calls the dispatcher of the delivery company. The dispatcher tells him the driver is making an exchange with another driver and he can meet them there. My friend drives out to the exchange site.)

Driver: “Aren’t you the guy my driver just called about 10 minutes ago?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Driver: “Your house is a 30 minute drive from here.”

Friend: “Yes.”

Driver: “You made a 30 minute drive in 10 minutes?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Driver: “Have you ever considered becoming a driver for us?”

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