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  • Motherly Advice To Mother
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  • September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Grand Theft Insolence

    | Oxfordshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Technology

    (A mother and son approach my till with a carrier bags full of games to trade in. Some of them are 15- and 18-rated. The boy is approximately 11 years old.)

    Mother:  “We’d like to trade these in for credit, please.”

    Me: “No problem. Do you know what you’d like to buy with the credit?”

    (I start swiping the games through the till. The mum looks at the boy, who shakes his head.)

    Me: “That’s okay. I can put it onto a gift card for you, or I can give you a price for what we’d give you in cash, instead?”

    Boy: “A gift card.”

    Mother: *to the boy* “Please!”

    Boy: “A gift card, please.”

    Mother: “But won’t this leave you without ANY games?”

    Boy: “Yeah, but Dad’s going to come to town with me tomorrow to get GTA Fi—” *trails off and looks up at me… knowing he’s put his foot in it*

    Me: “Oh… uh…” *to mother* “I feel I should mention that GTA is an 18-rated game for a VERY good reasons. In the game there is a torture scene—”

    Mother: “What?!”

    Me: “… Your son’s character can also pick up, have sex with, then murder prostitutes. There’s also—”

    Mother: “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” *turning to son, who is now looking like he’s been caught in a lie* “You KNEW about this, didn’t you?! NO WAY are you having that, and NO WAY your dad would let you have that either. Oh, god…”

    Me: “I, uh… could go on, but I guess I don’t need to.”

    (The mother is obviously shocked at what she was about to buy for her son. I explain the video game ratings system to her so she can make informed decisions in future, and write down a good review website I know of so she can research. All the while the kid is getting more and more frustrated realising he’s not going to get what he wants.)

    Boy: *to mother* “I’m NOT talking to you.”

    Mother: “Oh, really? I think you’re forgetting who bought you all of these games.” *turning to me* “I’ll take the cash price on these, please.”

    (The mother then proceeds to sell ALL of the son’s games to me for cash, which she puts into her wallet. She then thanks me for my help, turns, and leaves, leaving her son shocked and GTA-5-less at my counter.)

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
    Grand Theft Innocence

    The Nineties Called…

    | RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work next to the electronics department. I am in the area when two customers walk up to an electronics associate.)

    Customer: “Do you sell any VHS?”

    Associate: “No, ma’am. We sell dvd players, though.”

    Customer: “What’s DVD?”

    (Associate proceeds to explain DVDs, still remaining very professional.)

    Customer: “But you don’t have any VHS?! I find that hard to believe! Couldn’t you check the back room in case you have one lying around?”

    Associate: “Ma’am, we haven’t sold VHS in years.”

    Customer: “So you can’t check?”

    Associate: “We don’t carry any VHS products anymore.”

    Customer: “UNBELIEVABLE! How do you not carry VHS?! You’re gonna lose customers like that.”

    (There is awkward silence. I’m a few feet away trying really hard not to laugh. But it’s not over yet.)

    Customer: “What about [Brand Name]s? Do you have portable cassette [Brand Name]s?”

    Associate: “We don’t have any cassette products anymore either.”

    (The customer is genuinely bewildered at this point. She eventually decides to purchase a dvd player.)

    Associate: “… And how will you be paying today?”

    (The customer hands over a credit card.)

    Associate: “Ma’am, this card is expired. In fact the card expired in the early 2000s.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! No wonder you guys are going out of business. Can’t even take my payment!”

    Needs A System That’s The Cat’s Meow

    | USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a company that sells audio equipment.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I help you with an order? ”

    Customer: “I need your system!”

    Me: “Well, we have a lot of great items in our product line, but you’ll have to be more specific. What system are you looking at today?”

    Customer: “The CD player! I had one but it broke and I need yours to play my special CDs!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. What kind of special CDs do you want it to play?”

    Customer: “The ones I got for my cat. It’s special music to help felines relax.”

    Me: “So they’re regular CDs for your cat. Okay, I can help with that.”

    Customer: “I alternate back and forth, one CD of his music, then one of mine. It has to play both.”

    Me: “I can assure you that on the [Model Name] you’ll both be able to enjoy your favorite songs together.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. No, we can’t do that. He’s in kitty heaven now, but will it play his CDs?”

    He’s Fully Armed

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bizarre, One-Liners, Technology, Tourists/Travel

    (I am watching the walk-through metal detector when two teenagers line up to walk through. The first walks through. It doesn’t alarm and he gets excited. Then the second boy walks through…)

    Me: “Okay, walk through.”

    (The teenager walks through timidly then stops and stares at me.)

    Me: “You’re good to go.”

    (He then looks at his arms in astonishment.)

    Teenager: “Wow, I’m surprised these guns didn’t set it off!”

    Second Life, Same Bigotry

    | USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I create products for several virtual worlds. Please note that I’m male and so is my primary character. I also have a female character logged in for doing testing when I get a message from a customer.)

    Customer: “I’m having problems with one of your products.”

    Me: Can you describe the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, I really need you to see. Can you come?”

    Me: “Well, I have a screen full of programming and building, but I have a friend who I’m sure can help.”

    Customer: “Okay, that will be fine.”

    (I send my female character and never let on that it’s actually me. The problem gets resolved quickly and I bring my female character home. The customer messages me again.)

    Customer: “YOU SENT A WOMAN!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Why did you send a woman?”

    Me: “Well, did you two resolve the problem?”

    Customer: “Yes, BUT IT WAS A WOMAN!”

    (Punch-line? The customer was female, too!)

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