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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Moments You Wish You Had A Camera For

    , | Sacramento, CA, USARetail, Office Supply Store | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (My store sells desks and other office furniture. A customer who recently purchased a desk comes marching into the store, looking angry.)

    Customer: “YOUR COMPANY IS SPYING ON ITS CUSTOMERS!”

    Coworker: “What?”

    Customer: “You’re spying on your customers!”

    Coworker: “How do you figure?”

    Customer: “I just bought a desk from you guys, and on the instructions it says there’s a ‘hidden cam’ I’m supposed to install!”

    Coworker: “Sir, a cam-screw is just a type of screw. This one’s called a hidden cam because after you build everything, you won’t be able to see the screw any more.”

    Customer: “No, it’s a camera! You’re trying to steal information about people, and sell it to the government!”

    Coworker: “Sir, why would my company waste hundreds of thousands of dollars sneaking cameras into desks, cameras that are covered up by other pieces of the furniture and pointed at the floor?”

    Customer: “Well they could be listening in on my conversations!”

    Me: “Wouldn’t it be called a ‘hidden mic,’ then?”

    Coworker: “And why would we go so far as to clearly label the hidden cam as a hidden cam?”

    Customer: *leaves, defeated*

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5

    | USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (The new ‘Grand Theft Auto’ game has just been released, and my coworker and I have been very adamant on informing all parents of the content, going so far as to read off the ESRB rating site as needed to make sure they’re alright with the game. A 14-year-old boy and his mother come in.)

    Son: “Yeah, I’m here for the new GTA game.”

    Me: “Alright. Just to check, ma’am, are you alright with the M rating on this? It’s got a lot of objectionable content including—”

    (I read off the back of the case.)

    Mother: “…I don’t know.”

    Son: “It’s fine!”

    Me: “According to the people who rate these, there’s also male genitalia in a non-sexual context involving cult members and necrophilia. There’s also a torture sequence.”

    Mother: “No! Absolutely not! We’re not getting it.”

    Son: “YES WE ARE! YOU’RE GOING TO GET THIS FOR ME!”

    Mother: “No. We’re leaving.”

    Son: “I’M BUYING IT!” *looks to me expectantly*

    Me: “She is your mother, and she said no. I’m not able to sell this to you.”

    Son: *to mother* “YOU CAN’T TELL ME NO! YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT! THIS IS A F****** WASTE OF TIME! I’LL JUST COME BACK WITH DAD AND HE’LL GET IT FOR ME!”

    Mother: “You do not use that language with me! That’s it, we’re leaving. NOW!”

    (The mother storms off, forcing the son to leave. I turn to my boss and other customers who are staring after them in shock.)

    Me: “And that, right there, is why we make sure to advise on the content.”

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
    Grand Theft Innocence

    A Thin Gap Between Thick Customers

    | New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I notice a customer getting frustrated with his computer while a regular in the booth next to his is struggling valiantly to keep a straight face. Eventually the frustrated customer comes up to the desk.)

    Customer: “Your computer ate my skydiving DVD!”

    Me: “Are you saying it won’t eject?”

    Customer: “No, when I push the button, a tray comes out but it’s empty.”

    Me: “The disc drives are all closed units; there’s nowhere it could have gone. I’ll come over and have a look.”

    (The disc tray is indeed empty. My regular is staring wide-eyed at his computer monitor while snorting behind his hand. I notice something shining in the gap between the top of the disc tray and the computer case.)

    Me: “Sir, did you open the tray before putting your DVD into the computer?”

    Customer: “Of course I did! I know how to use a d*** computer!”

    (At this my regular is squeezing his eyes shut and going red in the face. I take off the side of the case.)

    Me: “Sir, is that your DVD sitting on top of the disc drive?”

    Customer: “Yes! Your computers are so cheap and crappy! If it’s damaged my disc, you have to pay for a new one!”

    Me: “You must have pushed it into the gap yourself. I’m not buying you a replacement if it’s scratched.”

    Customer: “No. I. Didn’t. I told you I’m not a f****** moron. I know how to use a computer!”

    (I show the customer that the disc drive is a completely closed unit and not much bigger than a regular CD case.)

    Me: “So my computer’s disc drive somehow teleported your DVD outside of itself?”

    (At this point my regular completely loses control and laughs so hard I start to wonder if I’m going to need to call an ambulance. The customer snatches at his DVD, missing it and knocking it to the floor while he almost loses his balance and ends up standing on it before storming out. My regular finally manages to calm down enough to breathe properly.)

    Regular: “I saw him push it in there. I was waiting for that for 45 d*** minutes.”

    Grand Theft Promises

    | Oxford, MS, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (I am a customer at a video game store, when a mother and her child, who can’t be more than seven, walk in.)

    Kid: “I want these games, Mom!” *hands her several sports games*

    Mom: “Okay, well, we’re gonna get them used because they’re cheaper.”

    Kid: “I also want this game!” *hands her ‘Grand Theft Auto IV’*

    Mom: “Well, here’s a used copy, so I guess it’s okay.”

    Me: *quietly, so the kid doesn’t hear* “Ma’am, I hate to interrupt, but Grand Theft Auto isn’t a game for children. In that game, you can buy a hooker, beat her up with a baseball bat, and steal her money.”

    Mom: “You can do what now? What’s this game about?”

    Me: “It’s about stealing cars and killing people. It’s not a game for children.”

    Mom: *to kid* “Hey! You promise you ain’t gonna do none o’ that?”

    Kid: “YEAH!”

    Mom: “Well, okay then!”

    Canada’s Net Worth

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Canada, Geography, Technology

    (I work in a Canadian call centre that is contracted by an American cable internet company. Therefore all my customers are American.)

    Client: *after the issue is resolved* “I can’t place your accent. Where am I calling? Are you in India?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m in Edmonton, Alberta. That’s in Canada.”

    Client: “Canada? Really?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Client: “Do they even have cable internet up there?”

    Me: *pausing to swallow incredulity* “Yes, ma’am, we do. In fact, we actually have had cable internet for a bit longer than most US markets.”

    Client: “Oh, well, I don’t know nothin’ about Canada. I thought it was a third-world country or something.”


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