Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Required: One Marauder’s Map

| Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a large retail store that requires maps for customers. An older woman approaches me with said map…)

Woman: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

Woman: “Well, that map:” *points to the one bolted to the floor* “It shows me where I’m currently standing, but this one:” *shows the paper map she’s holding* “doesn’t. Why?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, that’s the map you actually carry throughout the store. There’s no way for it to know where you are at any time.”

Woman: “Well, all of your maps should show me where I am in the store!”

Me: *taking her paper map* “Let me see if I can get the GPS on this paper map fixed for you.”

Remotely Stupid

, | Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cellphone Carrier]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi! I would like to update my cellphone.”

Me: “Sure! I can help you. I see you have an iPhone. Can you please go into your settings?”

Customer: “Oh! Do I have to do it? I thought you had to press a button from your computer and work your magic.”

Taxing Faxing, Part 14

, | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(Customers will call to purchase service contracts for their mobile phones.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, but after your credit check, I am afraid that you will have to pay a deposit.”

Customer: “How?”

Me: “We can take payment usually over the phone. Or there is also a payment form that can be downloaded, printed, and either faxed or mailed to us.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll fax it!”

(The customer ended up faxing cash. That’s right, cash. He FAXED us four $100 bills! And then just couldn’t understand when we told him it wasn’t a valid method of payment…)

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 13
Taxing Faxing, Part 12
Taxing Faxing, Part 11

Totally ‘Tanga’

| Hastings, NE, USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Technology

Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have the parts on hand to fix my TV?”

Me: “Well, your TV is 12 years old. I can have the parts in a day or two.”

(The customer starts every cuss word in the book, yelling at me about my incompetence and lack of skill.)

Me: *stands there and waits until she pauses for a breath, when she does…* “Ma’am, would you like to learn some Tagalog?”

Customer: “Huh?…What’s Tagalog?”

Me: “It’s the language of the Philippines.”

Customer: “Why would I need to learn that?”

Me: *in the same, low toned and calm voice I have been using during her entire screaming session* “So you don’t have to use the same seven cuss words over and over.”

(Right after saying that, I calmly picked up my tools and headed for the door. The customer, red faced and stuttering, tried to yell at me some more, but was at a complete loss for words.)

Business Center Is Out Of Business

| USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(The door to our business center is always closed and locked to keep out non-guests who have, in the past, put viruses on the computers. To open it, the guest must ask the front desk. There is a sign.)

Guest: *tries to open the door* “Come ON!”

Me: “Sir—”

(The guest begins punching the door so violently that the door and door lock instantly break. As if nothing has happened, the guest wanders back to the front desk.)

Guest: “The business center door is broken.”

Me: “Gee, I wonder why…”

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