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  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    A Development For The Lesser Developed

    | Manila, Philippines | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Technology

    (I am a technical support person for an ISP in Australia. Customers often ask us where the calls are routed to. They really don’t mind as long as you help them but this one is just different. After walking an irate customer through the troubleshooting steps:)

    Customer: “Where is this call routed to?”

    Me: “Your call has been routed here in the Philippines.”

    Customer: *in a rude tone* “So, I’m basically talking to a monkey?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. A monkey who’s teaching you how to use your pocket wifi.”

    Customer: “…” *click*

    Unable To Channel The Caller

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work tech support for the Internet part of a company that also provides cable TV and cell phones, so sometimes we get calls meant for other departments. When that happens, we just transfer them over. One day I get a call from an older, heavily-accented caller.)

    Me: “Thanks for choosing [Company] Internet tech support. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “My weather network, and the news, and, uh… it no work!”

    Me: “Your Internet isn’t working?”

    Customer: “No! Not Internet. TV! My weather channel isn’t working! And the news channel!”

    Me: “Oh, your cable TV isn’t working!”

    Customer: “”Right!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Well, you’ve reached Internet tech support, so let me get you right over to cable TV repair, and they’ll be able to look into that for you. Before I get you to them, do you have any Internet questions for me while you have me here?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “My weather channel isn’t working!”

    Me: “Okay, well, then, let me get you right over to cable TV repair then. This will just put you back into hold while I get you to them. There may be just a brief wait–”

    Customer: “Wait!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “My news channel isn’t working!”

    Me: “Well, that’s still on your TV, so let’s get you right over to the right department–”

    Customer: “Wait!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “My weather channel isn’t working either!”

    Me: “Okay, well-let-me-get-you-right-over-to-the-right-guys-they’ll-be-with-you-in-just-a-sec-bye!” *hits transfer button*

    It’s Better Than Just Using ‘Password’

    | Malvern, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Working on an internal IT help desk, we have a customer who calls once to twice a week because he has forgotten his password to the network or custom programs.)

    Customer: “My d*** computer is broken again!”

    Coworker: “Okay, [Customer], are you having trouble getting into the computer or into a program?”

    Customer: “I can’t do anything! I type in my password and the d*** thing won’t take it!”

    Coworker: “Okay, I’ll reset your password.”

    (I reset the password and leave it blank, as usual).

    Coworker: “All right, I’ve reset your password. Go ahead and try to log in now.”

    Customer: “What should I use for a password?”

    Coworker: “No password.”

    Customer: “Is there a space in that or is it all one word?”

    Time To Close The Door On This One

    | WA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in the IT Department for another company. Most of the support we do is over the phone but we occasionally have people drop their computer in for repair. My desk is next to a window which gives a clear view of the office parking lot from the first floor.)

    Me: “IT Helpdesk. [My Name] speaking.”

    Customer: “Hi, I need to drop my laptop off to be fixed. Can you come down and get it? I’m in the parking lot.”

    Me: “Sure thing. I’m a bit busy right now but if you just leave it at reception, I’ll come down and grab it later.”

    Customer: “Okay. How do I get into the building?”

    (At this point I look out the window. I can see the customer on his phone standing in the parking lot. Directly behind him is the entrance to the building, with our company name on a sign above it.)

    Me: “Through the front door?”

    Upside Down Line

    | SC, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    (I work at an allergist’s office. This afternoon I got an unusual call.)

    Me: “[Doctor]’s office, can I help you?”

    Caller: “mmhmfffmfffmnmumblemumble”

    Me: “I’m having a hard time understanding you. I think there might be some kind of interference on the line.”

    Caller: “…I’m holding the phone the wrong side up again, aren’t I?”

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