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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Buttbox

    | Avon, CT, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Store]. How may I assist you?”

    Young Male Caller: “Yeah, do you guys got any purple XBox’s?”

    Me: *not sure if prank or real* “No. I’m sorry, sir, but there are a lot of online sites that offer custom paint jobs for consoles!”

    Young Male Caller: “Well, do you think they would be able to put a picture of my butt on one?”

    Me: *now convinced it’s a prank* “Well, I’m not sure if the image will fit but I’m sure they can try!”

    Young Male Caller: *click*

    Needs To Do Some More Internet Exploring

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer calls in about not being able to access our website. While troubleshooting this exchange happens:)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, after you’re done clearing your browsing history can I get you to close out of your browser to refresh it.”

    Customer: “Now this won’t kick you out will it?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand your question.”

    Customer: “When I close off your website, will I lose my connection with you? Because I was on hold a really long time.”

    Me: “So… you’re asking that if you close out of the site on your computer it will hang our phone call?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can absolutely guarantee you closing your browser will not hang up your phone.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank goodness, because I really didn’t want to have to call back and be on hold again.”

    Something Stinks About The Address

    | Orem, UT, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (As cashiers, we’re required to ask for emails at the end of a purchase. Customers can decline, and it’s no problem for us to bypass the email capture screen. I’ve just finished up ringing a young woman and her boyfriend.)

    Me: “Perfect, we’re almost done! Could I just enter your email?”

    Customer: “Sure. It’s BS@f-a-r-t-n-u-g-g-e-t.com.”

    Me: *typing it in without thinking* “All right, if you could just verify the email below on the card reader— oh.”

    Boyfriend: *snickers*

    Me: “I guess that’ll be a ‘no, thank you’ on the email then…”

    Gives New Meaning To Troubleshooting

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (This is an old story. I am working Vista tech support right around the release, as a level 2 tech. This exchange happens right as the call is escalated.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’ve got my 22-gauge pointed at my desktop. Do you think that’s going to be a better solution than what you got?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (The sad part is that he had to replace all the hardware, so the gun would have been a faster solution.)

    Finally Getting With The Program

    , | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a call center for a telephone company in their DSL technical support department. Apparently my “phone voice” is very close to the Interactive Voice Response (IVR) system’s. At least once a week, I get a call like this:)

    Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?

    Caller: Are you human?

    (At this point, I can usually hear some frustration in the customer’s voice, so I say something that they’re not expecting to break the ice.)

    Me: “No, sir/ma’am. I am just a better programmed computer…”

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