Featured Story:
  • Making False Bald Statements
    (1,320 thumbs up)
  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Putting The Terror Into Terabytes

    | | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer walks in and grabs a 3 GB USB stick from the rack and brings it to the counter.)

    Me: “Afternoon, sir.”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. Can you help me? What can I do with this?”

    Me: “Umm… you can store files on this device using a computer.”

    Customer: “Files?”

    Me: “Yeah, pictures, text, movies, music. Anything.”

    Customer: “And Google-ing?”

    Me: “If you mean the Internet, no. You’ll need a bigger USB stick.”

    (The customer grabs a 32 GB stick.)

    Me: “Eh. Right, that was sarcastic. You’ll need millions and millions of USB sticks for that.”

    Customer: “There are only 20 on the rack.”

    Me: “What I’m trying to say is that it is impossible to copy the Internet to a USB stick.”

    Customer: “Oh. What about a floppy?”

    Me: “Those are outdated and store even less than a USB stick.”

    Customer: “But can I store a ‘Internet’ on it?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “I want the manager.”

    Me: “I am the manager.”

    (The customer stormed off.)

    Missed Out On The iFad

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “[Support], how can I help?”

    Customer: “My iPad won’t connect to the wifi in the hotel!”

    Me: “Okay, any error messages?”

    Customer: “Nope.”

    Me: “Okay, I need your MAC address to see if you’re associated with our network. Go to settings/general/wifi address.”

    Customer: “I don’t have general.”

    Me: “Okay, you should have. Settings/general. Fourth option down?”

    Customer: “No, not there.”

    Me: “What have you got?”

    Customer: “Settings/more networks.”

    Me: “You sure it’s an iPad?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s got Samsung on the back!”

    Sanity Unplugged

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer in what sounds to be her forties calls in for having trouble with her TV.)

    Me: “So, let’s start by doing a reboot. Can you please unplug the furthest cord on the left for 10 seconds then plug it back in?”

    Customer: “Okay, I don’t know why I HAVE to do this; you should come over and do this.”

    Me: *jokingly* “Ha ha. Well, I would but you live in Texas and I am in Michigan.”

    Customer: “So? I am the customer; you should do what I say!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it would take me a week to get to you. Now, can I just get you to plug the cord back in to see if we can get it working?”

    Customer: “Where do I plug it in?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “Where it was unplugged from: the far left slot. You can’t miss it.”

    Customer: “Okay, but where is that?”

    Me: *at this point I’m not in the mood for this level of dumb* “Oh, well, it looks like your line is damaged and will need a technician. This is why your TV wasn’t working. How about if I get a technician out there?”

    Customer: “Must have been my dead husband. He’s been haunting me for years.”

    Me: “So… 8-12 tomorrow morning?”

    Customer: “That would be great. Thanks dear, and don’t forget, masturbation is a sin!”

    (I got an extra break after that call because I couldn’t stop laughing.)

    Won The Gold Medal For Most Stupid Customer

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

    (I work on the shop floor of a DIY store. A customer comes up to me holding a torch and looking confused.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m not quite sure how this torch would work.”

    Me: “You just put AA batteries in it and push the button on the side here.”

    Customer: “But it says here on the label that this is a silver-coloured torch.”

    (She points at the label on the silver torch and it does indeed say ‘Torch – Colour: Silver.’)

    Me: “Yes, that’s right…”

    Customer: “But how can light be silver?”

    Me: “Oh, no, the light is white like a standard torch. The colour on the label refers to the colour of the metal.”

    Customer: “But… it says it’s silver…”

    (At this point I get a black torch off of the shelf to show her that the label says ‘Torch – Colour: Black’)

    Me: “See, the label on this one says black and this metal is black.”

    Customer: “But it says it’s a silver coloured torch!”

    (After 10 full minutes of explaining, the woman handed me back the silver torch and walked off muttering about false advertising.)

    X-Bong

    | | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (A customer comes in carrying the box for an original Xbox.)

    Customer: “My Xbox isn’t working.”

    Coworker: “That’s no good. Pop it on the counter and we’ll have a look.”

    (The customer places the box on the counter. I’m standing nearby when my coworker opens the box. From the box emerges the most putrid smell you could ever imagine. My coworker has to jump back from the smell, holding his nose. Having known some ‘interesting’ people in my life though, I recognise the smell. I lean a bit closer to the box and sniff a few times.)

    Me: “Mate… did you spill your bong water on this?”

    Customer: *incredibly long awkward silence* “Yeah.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “…not replacing it then?”

    Me: “Not a chance.”

    (The customer left and I got to try to explain to my coworker why I knew the smell of bong water so well.)

    Page 2/15012345...Last