July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

E.T. No Phone Home

| Australia | Technology

(I was working in the call center of a telco, troubleshooting and resolving faults in mobile phone handsets and modems.)

Me: “Hello, this is [name], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to return a faulty modem.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with the modem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t contact the mothership.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “This modem. It’s faulty. I cannot contact the mothership with it!”

Me: “Um, [company] has never offered nor guaranteed intergalactic coverage.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll just take it back to the shop.” *hangs up*

Listening Is Believing

| Michigan, USA | Technology

(At the store where I work, we have a rewards program. If customers spend a certain amount of money, they get to go online and print off a coupon that takes money off of their order. One day, I am working the register and this happens.)

Caller: “I can’t print off this coupon. It won’t let me log on to my account!”

Me: “Do you have the right email/password?”

Caller: “I do. This is the password to my email address!”

Me: “It’s different than your email’s password. This is a completely different site, and is different than checking your email.”

Caller: “It won’t work! Make it work! This is so stupid! Fix it!”

Me: “Does it give you an option to change your password?”

Caller: “No! Make it work!”

Me: “Try changing your password—”

Caller: “That won’t work! I know the password to my email address!”

Me: “If you change it, you should be able to get in.”

Caller: “This is ridiculous!”

(She finally agrees to try and change password, and clicks the link.)

Caller: “Oh! That worked…”

Don’t Forget To Stock Up On Salmon Cartridges

| Hagerstown, MD, USA | Technology

(A customer is sent back to my department to find ink for her printer.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Do you need black or color?”

Customer: “I need cayenne.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know which color you mean. We have cyan; that’s a light blue.”

Customer: “No, I need cayenne. You know, like a peppery red.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t believe we have that color.”

(The customer bends over to get a closer look at the ink.)

Customer: “Hmmm, margarine.” *looking at the magenta* “Yellow…I don’t see cayenne.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t mean cyan? It kinda sounds like cayenne.”

Customer: “No, I need red. My printer is out of red. Why wouldn’t you carry red ink?!” *walks out of the store before I can explain further*

Microsoft Tours Are Megahard

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Technology

(A customer approaches me on the sales floor.)

Customer: “Hi…um…where are your Mi-cro-softs?”

Me: “Sorry, my Microsofts? Microsoft is a company.”

Customer: “Yeah. It’s on my list here, but I can’t find it in your store.”

Me: “Actually, they make a lot of stuff.”

Customer: “Yeah. Show me everything…”

(I proceed to go through everything Microsoft I can think of, including keyboards, mice, Word, Publisher, Excel, Powerpoint, operating systems, some basic card games, and clip art collections. We go back and forth, and eventually I show her Windows 7 and Office disks. In the end, she left the store without purchasing anything.)

Square Plug Into A Round Hole

| Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to take this plug and put it into that socket.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What is the shape and color of the plug and socket?”

Caller: “The plug is blue and square-shaped and the socket is a blue circle.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it doesn’t look like those plugs are compatible.”

Caller: “That’s not right. They’re both blue.”

Me: “Yes, but the plug is square and the socket is a circle. Square plugs usually won’t fit into a circle-shaped socket.”

Caller: “But they’re both blue and conduct electricity from this local area. That doesn’t make sense!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t help you do what you want to do. You need a square-shaped socket for it to happen.”

Caller: “Really? I’m not so sure you’re right. You sound rather confused, actually…”

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