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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Charged Up With Anger–If Nothing Else

    | LaCrosse, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. May I have your first and last name, please?”

    Caller: “You people sent me a broken phone! I just got this phone from you people Friday and have charged it all f****** weekend and when I take it off the charger, it just dies! I want my money back and you better give me a new phone!”

    Me: “Well ma’am, it would be my pleasure to assist you in trying to troubleshoot–”

    Caller: “I don’t want no damn troubleshooting! I want a new phone! Now!”

    Me: “I’ll be more than happy to get you a new phone but I first need some numbers from inside your phone to process the request. Can you please remove the back of the phone and remove the battery for me?”

    Caller: “D*** straight you’ll get me a new phone!” *noise of fiddling with the battery cover* “You people try to rip good folk off and squeeze every dime you leeching-” *pause* “Oh. My. God.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you never placed the battery into the phone when you opened the box, did you?”

    Caller: “Is that what the little black square thing is? Oh shucks, I’ll take care of it now. Bye!”

    Candid Camera, Candid Answer, Part 2

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to swap the hard drive from this old laptop into my new one.”

    Me: “Okay, not a problem.”

    (I ring her up and start work on switching the hard drives. I notice on the old laptop there is a band-aid over the webcam. After finishing work on it, the lady grabs the band-aid from the old computer and puts it over the web cam on the new one.)

    Customer: “I put that there so they can’t watch me.”

    Related:
    Candid Camera, Candid Answer

    Running Laps Around Your Technical Knowledge

    | New Brunswick, Canada | Technology

    Me: “Okay, sir. Since doing that doesn’t seem to be working, can you please clear your cache and cookies again and restart your computer, please?”

    Caller: “Okay.”

    (I hear fumbling on his line of the phone.)

    Me: “Sir, just a quick question. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?”

    Caller: “It’s on a desk.”

    Me: “Okay, next question, does the monitor fold down onto the keyboard?”

    Caller: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Does the monitor and keyboard have wires going from them to a big box with lights on it?”

    Caller: “That’s way too technical for me to understand.”

    Me: “Can you take it around with you around your home?”

    Caller: “I’ve heard of flexible computer that people can fold up and take with them everywhere.”

    Me: “That’s a laptop sir. Is that what you have?”

    Caller: “I still can’t login!”

    American’t

    | British Columbia, Canada | Geography, Technology, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Alright in order for me to see your screen, you have to select your region.”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “You need to select the United States on the map.”

    Caller: “Why would you think I would know where that was on a map?!”

    Me: “It’s just a standard world map.”

    (The caller reads places’ names aloud as they hover their mouse over the map.)

    Caller: “Asia…Africa…Russia…China…I don’t think it’s here.”

    Finally Seeing The (Red) Light

    | Montreal, Canada | Technology

    Customer: “Hi, my laser printer has a flashing light that say ‘change toner’. What must I do to fix that?”

    Me: “Well, sir, your toner cartridge is empty. You just need to replace it.”

    Customer: “What is a toner?”

    Me: “It’s the ink that your printer need to print on the paper.”

    Customer: “What! How come it needs ink? It’s a laser printer! Doesn’t the laser directly write on the paper without ink?”

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