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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    For Ditzy Customers, Please Press 2

    | Ontario, Canada | Technology

    (I am calling a customer to let them know that their order is in.)

    Me: “May I please speak with Mrs.***?”

    Customer: “Speaking.”

    Me: “Hi there, this is Sarah, I’m calling from [store] to let you know that your order is in, and you can come pick it up anytime.”

    *long pause*

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you were a recording!”

    Naturally Stupid, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA | Math & Science, Technology

    Caller: “I can’t access [cable channel]!”

    Me: “Okay, let me assess your problem. When was the last time you tried to access [channel]?”

    Caller: “It was last night.”

    Me: “Alright, was there any out-of-the-ordinary weather last night? Say, like a storm?”

    Caller: “Yeah, there was a thunderstorm. I had nothing to do, so I was trying to watch [channel name], but it wouldn’t let me! It was all fuzzy on the screen.”

    Me: “Sir, I think the thunderstorm interfered with your television power lines, which is why you couldn’t access your channel.”

    Caller: “But I thought your cable company was supposed to make me able to watch any channel in any weather! That’s the whole reason I switched!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, nothing can prevent Mother Nature. When she strikes, we cannot do anything to bring back channels that may have been lost momentarily.”

    Caller: “Who’s ‘Mother Nature’? Is she the one sabotaging my TV?!”

    Related: Naturally Stupid

    In(Console)able

    | Connecticut, USA | Technology

    (A young little girl walks up to the one of the cashiers.)

    Girl: “Do you have any ?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sweetie. We’re all out right now.”

    Girl: “Can you go in the back and make one?”

    Me: “We can’t make [consoles]. We get shipped the [consoles] to sell.”

    (With a sullen look, the little girl walks away and comes back soon after with her mother.)

    Mother: “You don’t have any [consoles] currently?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we do not.”

    Mother: “Well, can you go in the back and make one?”

    Some Computer Owners Just Can’t Hack It, Part 2

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Technology

    (The customer is worried that her internet account is being hacked because she doesn’t have the proper login to see her billing information.)

    Caller: “You need to help me!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Caller: “My account is being hacked!”

    Me: “How do you know that you’re being hacked?”

    Caller: “I can’t see my billing information.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. You may not have the administrative logins. Let me get them for you.”

    (I pull up the woman’s account.)

    Me: “Your username is *** and your password is ***. Please try to log in and let me know if you can see your billing information.”

    Caller: “You’re the hacker!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

    Caller: “How could you know my information if you aren’t the hacker! That is my private information that only I can have access to and you can see it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry that you feel that way, but I am not a hacker. I am here to help you.”

    Caller: “I will report you to the FBI! Now I need to change my password. How do I do that?”

    Me: “Would you like me to do that for you?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Related:
    Some Computer Owners Just Can’t Hack It

    Stupidity Makes A Good Case

    | Online | Technology

    Customer: “I received an cell phone case in the mail today. You sent the wrong item.”

    Me: “It looks like you ordered a neon green silicone case for 50 cents and shipping was $2.00. What did you receive?”

    Customer: “A bright green phone case.”

    Me: “What is the problem with it?”

    Customer: “So the $2.50 wasn’t for a phone?”

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