Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

As Easy As !-@-#

| Colorado, USA | Technology

(I’m the IT manager at my work. I’ve just created a user account for our HR manager.)

Me: “So, the username is [username] and the password is just 1234.”

Caller: “1234? That’s it?”

Me: “We try to keep it simple.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks.” *hangs up*

(About a minute later, he calls back.)

Caller: “It that capitalized?”

The Sticky Details

| Huntington, WV, USA | Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. This is [name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, [name]. Look, my TV controller won’t work. Can you help me?”

(I try troubleshooting, but nothing I suggest seems to work. After almost 20 minutes, he hangs up, saying he’ll call back. A few hours later…)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Can I speak to [my name]? I talked to him a few hours ago.”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry. He clocked out half an hour ago.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Well, when you see him again, tell him I found out why my controller wouldn’t work. I probably should’ve told him I had spilled soda all over it.”

Less Is More Dumb

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Technology

(A manufacturer is running a promotion for the first batch of their smartphones, so some come with an 8GB SD card instead of a 2GB one. The box still says “Comes with 2GB SD Card”, but actually contains an 8GB SD card.)

Me: “So, here is your new phone, and here is the box. Inside you’ll find the USB Cable, wall adaptor, and an SD Card.”

Customer: *inspecting box contents* “Um, there is a mistake. I got an 8GB SD card when it should have been a 2GB card.”

Me: “Oh! Well that’s excellent! That saves you some money!”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’m being ripped off! [Company] thinks that we customers are so stupid and we don’t check to make sure we are getting everything that’s supposed to be included. Well, I’m not stupid. I always check the box to make sure they aren’t trying to trick me!”

Me: “Would you like me to give you a 2GB SD card instead of the 8GB card?”

Customer: “Obviously! Fool me once!”

My Head Megahertz

, | Henderson, NV, USA | Technology, Top

Customer: “I need a new laptop. I want one better than the one I have. I want to spend no more than 600 dollars.”

(After finding out that he has a machine running Windows 98 with 512 MB of RAM and 60 GB of hard drive space, I provide him several different laptop choices within his price range. They have either 3 GB or 4 GB of RAM, running Windows 7.)

Customer: “No, no, no! I said better! I have 512 memory, but you keep recommending only 3 and 4! Also, 7 is way lower than 98! Get me someone who knows what I mean by better!”

Identifiers Are For Life

| Des Moines, IA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

(Customers can come into the store to buy books, or they can create an account with an e-mail address and purchase books online. The account is your email address and whatever password they choose. A customer and his girlfriend come up the service desk.)

Me: “How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I can’t access my online account.”

Me: “Okay, I can help. What is your e-mail address?”

Customer: “Um…” *stares at the floor*

Me: “Sir? Your email address?”

Customer: *quietly says something*

Me: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat that please?”

(By now, other customers are waiting for assistance. Suddenly, the customer shouts his email address, loud enough for everyone to hear.)

Customer: “Im-a-whore@[ISP].com!”

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