Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Let Me Google That For You

| Missouri, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thanks for calling [store]! How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering when the new season of this TV show is supposed to come out.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our system doesn’t allow us to research release dates. I could only tell you if it was being released this month.”

Customer: “Well, could I find out on your website?”

Me: “Well, your best bet would just be to Google it.”

Customer: “Umm… so what should I Google?”

Me: “The name of the TV show, the season, and the words ‘release date.'”

Customer: “Oh my God, thank you! I never would have thought of doing that! I’ll go look it up now. Bye!”

This Caller’s Not Too Bright

| Charlottetown, PEI, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [company] Tech Support. My name is [name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “The technician needs to come.”

Me: “Sorry about the issue you are having, what seems to be happening?”

Caller: ”It’s too bright!”

Me: “What seems to be too bright?”

Caller: ”The light!”

Me: “What light are you talking about?”

Caller: ”The light on the box!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what box are you referring to?”

Caller: ”Internet light!”

Me: “Is this the light to your modem or your computer?”

Caller: ”The light is too bright and I can’t sleep at night. I need the tech to come out and not make it bright!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried turning the modem around to face a wall or put something over the lights?”

Caller: ”No, do you think that would work?”

Me: “Possibly.”

Caller: ”Well, I still want my other box back! It wasn’t bright!”

Me: “…”

Just Point And Spook

| Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: *hands me a photo* “Hello there. Can you help me scan and make duplicates of a photo?”

Me: “Sure thing! We just use this scanner here—”

(At that moment, I look at photo and notice a white camera strap taking up half the photo. I can see the camera’s brand name on the strap, blurred but readable.)

Me: “Uh, excuse me? Are you sure you want to scan this photo? It seems the camera strap got caught in the lens.”

Customer: “Really? I didn’t notice that. Where is it?”

Me: “Right here, ma’am.” *points at the camera strap*

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU! That’s the spirit of my grandfather! How can you even claim it is a camera strap!?! You are just a terrible employee!” *storms off*

At Least She Brought Windows Cleaner

| Oslo, Norway | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

(A customer has just bought a cellphone. She wants me to show her how to insert the SIM card. I open the cover on the phone and reach for the SIM card when she shouts, startling me.)

Customer: “No! Don’t touch it!”

Me: “But I have to put the SIM card in—”

Customer: “No! You can’t touch it!”

Me: “I have to touch it to insert the SIM Card into the cellphone.”

Customer: “But I don’t want you to touch it! It will get viruses on it! I’ve heard it can happen! Just show me how to do it, and I’ll do it myself!”

Me: “Ma’am, the viruses you’ve heard about are digital programs, and can not be transmitted from a person touching the SIM card. But if you absolutely don’t want me touching it, you may insert the SIM card yourself.”

Customer: “I don’t want viruses in my cellphone! I’ll do it myself, thank you.”

(At this point the customer takes out a bottle of window cleaner spray and towel, sprays it on her hands, and dries them off. Then, she very carefully grabs the SIM card on the edges and slides it inside the cellphone.)

Customer: “See?! No viruses!”

Me: “Well done, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

Technically, He Set It To Vibrate

| New York, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

(Two customers enter the electronics department.)

Me: “Can I help you two with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, I dropped my phone in the toilet.”

Customer’s Friend: “No, you dropped it in the sink.”

Me: “Well, did you try putting it in a bag of rice?”

Customer: “No, I put it in the microwave.”

Me: “Sir, you aren’t supposed to put electronic devices in the microwave.”

Customer: “I realize that now…it exploded after ten seconds in the thing!”

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