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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    The Pen Is Mightier Than The Brain

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Technology

    Me: “I’m about to give you your account number. Do you have a pen handy?”

    Caller: “What’s a pen-handy?”

    Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 6

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Technology

    Caller: “I called to let you know the power is out so you may see alerts.”

    Me: “Thank you. I will notify the team. Is there anything else I can assist you with?”

    Caller: “Yes. I can’t connect to the internet on my laptop. I can’t find the wireless.”

    Me: “Sir, the power is out, so the internet is also down.”

    Customer: “Yes, but my laptop still has batteries.”

    Related:
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 5
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless

    Staring Into Space Bar

    | Piteå, Sweden | Technology

    (A customer calls in because her computer has been hijacked by malware. After some troubleshooting it is clear that there are no repair options available due to system corruption. We decide on a reinstallation of the operating system.)

    Me: “Before we press the restart button I will explain what will happen. During the reboot a line of white text on a black background will appear stating ‘Press any key’ – the moment you see this line you press space. The most common mistake made by customers is that they feel insecure and ask before pressing which takes too long and we have to restart the computer again. The moment you see ‘Press any key’ I want you to press space. Any questions?”

    Customer: “No, I understand.”

    Me: “Okay, go ahead and press restart then.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer goes silent for a while.)

    Customer: “So, press any key. Does that mean I can press any key on the keyboard?”

    Me: “Yes, but press the space bar just to be sure since some keys might not register.”

    Customer: “Oh. So that’s the any key! Is that the long button?”

    Me: *pause* “That is correct.”

    Customer: “Ok. Now it says Windows XP and the bars are moving.”

    Me: “So you didn’t press the space bar?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Did you see the text?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. You were talking to me and I panicked!”

    No Holding Back

    | Webster, NY, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company] support, can I have your employee ID number, please?”

    Caller: “Yeah, can you put me on hold?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I called before and complained about the awful hold music you guys use. I want to see if you changed it.”

    Me: “Hold on just a minute.”

    (I put the caller on hold for a minute.)

    Me: “Hello, are you still there ma’am?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I’m here.”

    Me: “So is the hold music any less awful?”

    Caller: “No, not really. Thanks.” *click*

    Intelligence Goes Into The Trash Can

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

    Customer: “I had something typed up that I was going to send you. Tell me, how do you find a file that you’ve lost on your computer? I know it’s on here somewhere, but I can’t find it.”

    Me: “Oh, well, go to the upper right hand corner–”

    Customer: “I’ve tried that! I couldn’t find the file!”

    Me: “Hmm. Do you remember what the file name was?”

    Customer: “I don’t think it had a file name!”

    Me: “Well, did you save it as ‘Untitled’, then?”

    Customer: “I don’t think I saved it…”

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