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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    D as in Duh

    | Germany | Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “This computer’s serial number is 5, 2, Bravo, Delta–”

    Customer: “Whoa, hold up! I’m a civilian, I don’t do that military lingo. Try that again.”

    Me: “Okay, it’s 5, 2, B, D–”

    Customer: “Wait, was that two B’s?”

    Me: “No, that’s Bravo, Delta.”

    Customer: “I’m not in the military! Speak English!”

    Me: “B as in Bravo. D as in Delta.”

    Customer: “There, was that so hard?”

    For Ditzy Customers, Please Press 2

    | Ontario, Canada | Technology

    (I am calling a customer to let them know that their order is in.)

    Me: “May I please speak with Mrs.***?”

    Customer: “Speaking.”

    Me: “Hi there, this is Sarah, I’m calling from [store] to let you know that your order is in, and you can come pick it up anytime.”

    *long pause*

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you were a recording!”

    Naturally Stupid, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA | Math & Science, Technology

    Caller: “I can’t access [cable channel]!”

    Me: “Okay, let me assess your problem. When was the last time you tried to access [channel]?”

    Caller: “It was last night.”

    Me: “Alright, was there any out-of-the-ordinary weather last night? Say, like a storm?”

    Caller: “Yeah, there was a thunderstorm. I had nothing to do, so I was trying to watch [channel name], but it wouldn’t let me! It was all fuzzy on the screen.”

    Me: “Sir, I think the thunderstorm interfered with your television power lines, which is why you couldn’t access your channel.”

    Caller: “But I thought your cable company was supposed to make me able to watch any channel in any weather! That’s the whole reason I switched!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, nothing can prevent Mother Nature. When she strikes, we cannot do anything to bring back channels that may have been lost momentarily.”

    Caller: “Who’s ‘Mother Nature’? Is she the one sabotaging my TV?!”

    Related: Naturally Stupid

    In(Console)able

    | Connecticut, USA | Technology

    (A young little girl walks up to the one of the cashiers.)

    Girl: “Do you have any ?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sweetie. We’re all out right now.”

    Girl: “Can you go in the back and make one?”

    Me: “We can’t make [consoles]. We get shipped the [consoles] to sell.”

    (With a sullen look, the little girl walks away and comes back soon after with her mother.)

    Mother: “You don’t have any [consoles] currently?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we do not.”

    Mother: “Well, can you go in the back and make one?”

    Some Computer Owners Just Can’t Hack It, Part 2

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Technology

    (The customer is worried that her internet account is being hacked because she doesn’t have the proper login to see her billing information.)

    Caller: “You need to help me!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Caller: “My account is being hacked!”

    Me: “How do you know that you’re being hacked?”

    Caller: “I can’t see my billing information.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. You may not have the administrative logins. Let me get them for you.”

    (I pull up the woman’s account.)

    Me: “Your username is *** and your password is ***. Please try to log in and let me know if you can see your billing information.”

    Caller: “You’re the hacker!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

    Caller: “How could you know my information if you aren’t the hacker! That is my private information that only I can have access to and you can see it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry that you feel that way, but I am not a hacker. I am here to help you.”

    Caller: “I will report you to the FBI! Now I need to change my password. How do I do that?”

    Me: “Would you like me to do that for you?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Related:
    Some Computer Owners Just Can’t Hack It


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