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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Setting The Wrong Tone

    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | Technology

    Me: “Thanks for calling [copier company], can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’d like to order some toner for my copier.”

    Me: “Okay, is this for a black and white machine or a color machine?”

    Caller: “Well, the machine is kind of cream-colored…”

    Digical Is Made Up Of Ones And D’ohs

    | Leicestershire, UK | Funny Names, Technology

    Customer: “Hello, could you help me find a TV I was looking at yesterday?”

    Me: “Yes, of course.”

    (I show her the wall with TVs mounted on. There are around 40 different models.)

    Me: “Which TV were you looking at?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure. It’s digical.”

    Me: “These are all digital TVs. Can you remember the brand?”

    Customer: “No, it’s one of the digical ones.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you know what size or color it was?”

    Customer: *pauses* “It’s digical.”

    Me: “Okay, I’m not sure what you mean. I’ll go find one of the sales staff and see if they can help you.”

    Customer: *as I leave* “Tell them it’s digical!”

    His Repair Method Doesn’t Hold Water

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology, Top

    (A customer brings his laptop in to be fixed.)

    Customer: “It won’t turn on.”

    (I plug it in, and press the power button, doesn’t work. I flip it over to make sure the battery is locked into place and see rust/corrosion all over the battery.)

    Me: “Whoa! We can’t fix this. It isn’t safe. What happened to it?”

    Customer: “It got hot, so I put water on it.”

    Unlimited Texts, Limited Intelligence

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Family & Kids, Technology

    (After purchasing a cell phone a few hours ago, a teenager and her mom return, saying they’re having difficulty.)

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer’s mom: “She’s having problems sending a text message to her dad.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it keeps saying that it doesn’t recognize his phone or something.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s odd. Here, show me.”

    (The customer types a short message along with her dad’s number, and hits send. After a few moments, a message reads ‘Error: Your message was not sent. Address is not a recognized mobile device’.)

    Me: “Oh…are you trying to text it to his home phone?”

    Customer’s mom:“Yes! Why does that matter?”

    Me: “Because only cell phones can receive text messages. It’s not going to work.”

    Customer’s mom:“What? Since when? Well, she’d like a plan that can do that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, it’s not up to me. That’s just how phones work.”

    Customer: “But it’s an unlimited texting plan!”

    Related:
    Unlimited Minutes, Limited Intelligence

    SIN Number

    | Glasgow, UK | Religion, Technology

    Me: “Good evening, you’re through to [name]. How can I help?”

    Caller: “There’s something wrong with the PIN for my set top box.”

    Me: “Oh, have you forgotten it?”

    Caller: “No, I know it, I just don’t like it.”

    Me: “So, you want to change it? You can do that from the box itself.”

    Caller: “Oh no! I can’t, I won’t! It is an evil number! It is your sworn duty to change it for me!”

    Me: “Okay. I can do that for you, no problem. So your current PIN is ‘0666’?”

    Caller: “Yes! Why did you let the Devil change it? I haven’t been able to play back my recordings because typing that will taint my enjoyment of them!”

    Me: “We didn’t, it’s based on the last 4 digits of your viewing card, it’s a random number.”

    Caller: “You should really put something in place to stop evil forces from controlling your random numbers like that. It’s insensitive and careless!”

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