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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Running Laps Around Your Technical Knowledge

    | New Brunswick, Canada | Technology

    Me: “Okay, sir. Since doing that doesn’t seem to be working, can you please clear your cache and cookies again and restart your computer, please?”

    Caller: “Okay.”

    (I hear fumbling on his line of the phone.)

    Me: “Sir, just a quick question. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?”

    Caller: “It’s on a desk.”

    Me: “Okay, next question, does the monitor fold down onto the keyboard?”

    Caller: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Does the monitor and keyboard have wires going from them to a big box with lights on it?”

    Caller: “That’s way too technical for me to understand.”

    Me: “Can you take it around with you around your home?”

    Caller: “I’ve heard of flexible computer that people can fold up and take with them everywhere.”

    Me: “That’s a laptop sir. Is that what you have?”

    Caller: “I still can’t login!”

    American’t

    | British Columbia, Canada | Geography, Technology, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Alright in order for me to see your screen, you have to select your region.”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “You need to select the United States on the map.”

    Caller: “Why would you think I would know where that was on a map?!”

    Me: “It’s just a standard world map.”

    (The caller reads places’ names aloud as they hover their mouse over the map.)

    Caller: “Asia…Africa…Russia…China…I don’t think it’s here.”

    Finally Seeing The (Red) Light

    | Montreal, Canada | Technology

    Customer: “Hi, my laser printer has a flashing light that say ‘change toner’. What must I do to fix that?”

    Me: “Well, sir, your toner cartridge is empty. You just need to replace it.”

    Customer: “What is a toner?”

    Me: “It’s the ink that your printer need to print on the paper.”

    Customer: “What! How come it needs ink? It’s a laser printer! Doesn’t the laser directly write on the paper without ink?”

    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 3

    | USA | Technology

    (A customer calls in to get help setting up a video conferencing unit with a display on the remote that shows status of selection.)

    Me: “So, are you pointing the remote at the unit?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Where is the display on the remote? Is the top or bottom closest to you?

    Customer: “The bottom is closest to me.”

    Me: “Okay, turn the remote around so the LCD is towards the unit.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “What do you see?”

    Customer: “The back of the remote.”

    Related:
    Not Remotely Intelligent 2
    Not Remotely Intelligent

    Bulk Mail To The Future

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Math & Science, Technology

    Caller: “Hi, I called earlier and spoke with someone about getting a quote? She was supposed to email it to me, but I haven’t seen it yet.”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. How long ago was she supposed to have sent it?”

    Caller: “Maybe ten minutes ago?”

    Me: “Let me check with her. Did you check the spam folder, just in case?”

    Caller: “I’ve never opened that folder. I really don’t think it would be there anyway.”

    Me: “Well, sometimes business emails will automatically go to a spam folder based on their settings. You might want to check anyway.”

    Caller: “That’s ridiculous! It wouldn’t be there. Those emails are from the future!”


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