November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Makes You Lose CTRL

| USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

(My caller is having an issue with our website that I can’t replicate.)

Me:“Do you know how to create a screen shot and e-mail it to me? If not, I can walk you through it.”

Caller: “I have Windows 8. I could make a screen shot on my old computer, but you can’t make one on Windows 8.”

(As I use Windows 8 myself, I know this isn’t true.)

Me: “Let’s try and see if we can get it. Do you see the button on your keyboard that says ‘print scr’—”

Caller: “Honey, I worked as a tech for 10 years. If you want me to hit the Print Screen button, just say so. There!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I just wanted to make sure you knew where it was, but it sounds like you do. It’s actually alt and the print screen button.”

Caller: “Fine, now what?”

(I assume that she really does know a little about computers, considering the offense she took at my previous instructions. Not wanting to upset her, I decide to continue a bit faster.)

Me: “Okay, now you can paste that into an e-mail for me. Just let me know when you’re ready for my e-mail address.”

Caller: “I’m ready.”

(I give her my e-mail address, spelling it out.)

Me: “I’ll have a look at that screen shot as soon as I get your e-mail, and—”

Caller: “Well, it won’t do much good for you to get a blank e-mail, will it?”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Caller: “You didn’t tell me what to do with the screen shot!”

Me: “Oh, you can just paste it into the e-mail.”

(I’m about to ask if she knows how to do that ‘on Windows 8’.)

Caller: “Well, I’m hitting CTRL+P, and it’s not working!”

Me: “Try CTRL+V instea—”

Caller: “Never mind! It’s right click, then paste on my computer. I sent it. Let me know when it’s fixed.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I will.”

(I never did get that e-mail, and had to call her back the next day to repeat the whole process again.)

A Punchy Solution

| Ireland | Technology, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Hello, technical support, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi! I just received my new computer, and the button on the CD tray doesn’t work properly.”

Me: “Okay, what exactly is the problem?”

Customer: “I press the button, and the tray opens. I put the CD in, but when I press the button to close the tray, nothing happens.”

Me: “Okay, so the tray is open now?”

Customer: “No, it’s closed now.”

Me: “How did you close it?”

Customer: “Oh, I just gave it a punch!”

Me: “Okay…”

Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2

| Tampa, FL, USA | Books & Reading, Technology

(I have reserved an audio-book at the library and have come in to get it. I am looking at other books, when another customer runs up to me and grabs my reserved books—which still have my name on it—out of my hands.)

Customer: “Oh, my goodness! I have been looking everywhere for this one!”

(She starts to walk away from me with the audio-book in her hand.)

Me: “Um, ma’am. That’s my audio-book. I reserved it.”

Customer: “Why do you have to be so greedy! I want this book! It’s not yours; it doesn’t have your name on it!”

Me: *pointing to the large sticker with my name on it* “Actually, it is!”

(The customer scoffs, and tears the sticker off.)

Customer: “There! Now it’s not! Thanks for the book!”

(She storms off to the self check-out counter, and then starts screaming when it won’t let her check the book out. A librarian comes over to find out what the screaming is all about. I stand just behind her.)

Librarian: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “There is something wrong with this machine! It won’t let me check this audio-book out!”

Me: “Actually there is nothing wrong with the machine. That’s my book that she stole out of my hands. I reserved it over a week ago!”

(The librarian turns to me, obviously not paying attention to what I was saying.)

Librarian: “Ma’am, please wait your turn.”

Customer: “I want this book! This girl tried to take it from me! She’s too young to be reading a book like this! It’s too big for her!”

(The librarian takes the audio-book from the lady and asks to see her library card. After trying to check the book out and it giving her a fail message a few times, she ‘deems’ the book broken, and therefore not able to check out. She starts to walk away with the audio-book, when I stop her.)

Me: “May I try something real quick?”

(The librarian shrugs and hands me the audio-book.)

Customer: “It won’t work! Are you stupid, little girl? She just said that it was broken.”

(Within seconds, I scan my library card and the audio-book. It checks out with no issues.)

Librarian: “Well that was interesting! Why didn’t it have your name on the side?”

Customer: “Oh! I thought she did that herself. She looked like a greedy little girl that felt the need to put her name on everything!”

Me: “Well ma’am, like I told you, I reserved the book. And by the way, I am almost 30. I am in no way a little girl, and even when I was a little girl I loved to read ‘big books’.”

(I turn to the librarian.)

Me: “It did have my name on it, but she tore it off and threw it at me.”

Customer: “So… can I have that book now?”

Librarian and Me: *at the same time* “NO!”

Past The Point Of No Return

Start Thinking To A Different Tune

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Musical Mayhem, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I’m showing a customer our selection of mp3 players. He is looking for two things: small and cheap. I show him an mp3 player that costs only $9.99 and is about two inches long.)

Customer: “I don’t know about this one; it might not be right for me.”

Me: “Is it because it’s only two gigabytes? I know that kind of capacity is a little on the smaller side, but it can still hold more than enough songs to get you through the day.”

Customer: “No, it’s not that. It’s just that there is no screen. I can’t see if a song that I don’t like is going to come up or not.”

Me: “Well, if this mp3 player is for your own personal use, then chances are you’re only going to put on songs that you like, right? So, I don’t think the lack of a screen will be a big deal.”

Customer: “Wow… that is very true, actually. You just totally blew my mind, dude. Whoa, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!”

Darn-Fangled Dangle

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Funny Names, Technology, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Welcome to [name of ISP] support. This is [my name]; how can I help?”

Customer: “I have a new dangler!”

Me: *stifling a laugh* “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you. Could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I. HAVE. A. DANGLER!”

Me: “I see, and what help might I offer you today?”

Customer: “My dangler isn’t working! Fix my dangler!”

(I realize she is talking about a mobile broadband ‘dongle’. I run through some basic troubleshooting, and fix the problem.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help! I do hate danglers, they never work the way you want them to!”