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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    The Router To Success, Part 2

    | Chicago, Il, USA | Technology

    Me: “Good morning, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I cant seem to connect to the server.”

    Me: “No problem, I have to ask if you’re able to see if all the cables are connected properly and the computer is functioning properly.”

    Customer: “Are you trying to imply that I am stupid? That I can’t tell if something isn’t plugged in? I don’t want to talk to you! I want to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Sir I am in fact the manager, and I meant no disrespect. This is step one in our problem solving protocol.”

    Customer: “So will you come here and fix my problem?”

    Me: “I have noticed that you have not signed or returned your service agreement and I will be forced to charge you $100 for an onsite repair.”

    Customer: “That’s fine, it must be broken. Get here as soon as you can.”

    (Two hours of driving in traffic later…)

    Me: “Sir, I have found your problem.”

    Customer: “Oh, and what do you have to repair?”

    Me: “Nothing, your router was unplugged.”

    Related:
    The Router To Success

    Likely Not A Fan Of Spell Checking

    | Brisbane, Australia | Religion, Technology

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”

    Me: “Oh really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”

    Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”

    Me: “Witchcraft?”

    Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process, it makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your make believe hull-a-b-loo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”

    Me: “Sure ma’am, this way.”

    Personal Caller

    | Maryland, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. My name is [name]. How can I help you today?”

    Elderly Customer: “Are you a person? A real live person?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I certainly am.”

    Elderly Customer: “I got a person! I GOT A PERSON! Oh my goodness, I got a real person!”

    This Call Has Been Terminated

    | Wisconsin, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I assist you?”

    Caller: “Well, first of all, you can get a real life person on the line.”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Sir, I can assure you, I am an actual person.”

    Caller: “No, no, no! Don’t play that crap with me. I know how advanced you machines are getting these days. You–”

    Me: “Sir, I promise you, I am not a machine.”

    Caller: “See! You couldn’t even tell the right place to start talking! That, and that pause before you responded is all I needed to hear to know for sure. Yeah, that’s right! I know how to read you things. What do you have to say to that, you worthless box of microchips?”

    Me: *long pause* “Beep?”

    Pass(word) The Buck

    | Missoula, MT, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    Customer: “I hear you are the go-to girl for computer problems.”

    Me: “Yes, I am.” (I scoot over to the computer.) “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “I can’t remember my password.”

    Me: “I don’t know your password.”

    Customer: “So they lied when they told me you knew everything about the computers?”

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