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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Testing Plugs And Patience

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Technology

    (Several of our customers recently experienced an internet outage and needed to reset their equipment to get back online.)

    Me: “You’ll just need to unplug your modem, wait a few seconds, plug it back in, and then wait for all the lights to come on. Once they’re all on, you’ll be back online. If that doesn’t work, call me back.”

    Customer: “Okay, that sounds simple enough.”

    (A few minutes later…)

    Customer: “I just spoke with you. It’s still not working!”

    Me: “I apologize, let’s take a look. Have you reset the modem already?”

    Customer: “Yes! I need you to fix this. I need the internet now!”

    Me: “Of course. Are all the lights on the modem lit up?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “How long ago did you reset your modem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Just now, after I called you back!”

    (As we’re speaking, I see that her connection has re-established.)

    Me: “I’m showing you’re online now. Are all the lights back on your modem?”

    Customer: “Oh…that’s what you meant by waiting.”

    Stupidity That Makes You Go Wow

    | Henderson, NV, USA | Funny Names, Technology

    Customer: “I wanted to know about SEO. What’s that?”

    Me: “SEO is Search Engine Optimization. In a nutshell, I can help you to get noticed by search engines.”

    Customer: “So, you’re SEO are you? I want to meet him.”

    Me: “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

    Customer: “SEO is the name of a friend of mine in World of Warcraft. Are you him? Hey! How are you? I didn’t know you did web sites!”

    At Least It’s Hands-Free Now

    | Oslo, Norway | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Caller: “My phone isn’t working.”

    Me: “No problem. I can help you with that.”

    Caller: “Good. I hate these things.”

    Me: “Sir, can you locate the power button on the top of your mobile, hold it in for 10 seconds, and then release?”

    (The customer is quiet, and then I hear a crash.)

    Me: “What happened?”

    Caller: “I did what you told me to do. Hold the button for 10 seconds and then release the phone.”

    Me: “No, I meant release the button, not the whole phone.”

    Caller: “Well, if it wasn’t broken earlier, it sure is now!”

    Literally Going Nowhere

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hi ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “It’s this stupid GPS watch that I bought. What a big waste of money!  It doesn’t even work.”

    Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

    Customer: “It shows the time, but not now how far I ran. I was running on the treadmill for over 30 minutes!”

    A Pressing Issue

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The customer has a standard flip phone that she wants to program.)

    Me: “Ok, let’s try the automated system first, and if that doesn’t work, we will do it manually. Please dial *228, press send, and when the automated voice comes on, press 1.”

    (In the background, I can hear the customer dialing, and the voice coming on. No response from the customer.)

    Me: “Just press the button on your keypad that has the number ‘1’ on it, then some music will start.”

    Customer: “Ok, now, how do I press ‘1’?”

    Me: “Just press the button marked ‘1’”.”

    Customer: “No! I know there’s a button marked ‘1’. What I’m asking is how do I press it?”

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