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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12

    | Serbia | Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (I work in a computer repair service where we fix computers, reinstall windows OS and the like. A girl storms in the shop, ignoring the line and starts shouting at me.)

    Customer: “Hey! When you reinstalled my Windows, you broke the wireless receiver in my laptop! I can’t connect to my wireless network! I want my money back and I want it now!”

    (Other customers are obviously uncomfortable. I decide to test her laptop on the spot, on the counter, and it connects to our shops wireless network without any problems.)

    Me: “See, it connects to the internet. Maybe you didn’t set up your connection properly.”

    Customer: “It connects to your network, but not mine. The programs you installed must be wrong ones! I want my money back!”

    Me: “If it connects to one network, it will connect to any. What kind of device are you using to broadcast your wireless signal?”

    (She is silent.)

    Me: “Are you connecting to your own wireless network?”

    Customer: “…No.”

    Me: “Are you sure you aren’t trying to steal someone else’s internet without knowing their password?”

    Customer: *blushes, lowers her head, and rushes out of the shop*

    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 11

    Hit A Wall With This Caller

    | WA, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cellphone company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My cell phone isn’t powering on.”

    Me: “Well, let’s see what’s going on with that.”

    (After troubleshooting the problem turns out to be a warranty issue. Unfortunately, the customer’s warranty has run out.)

    Customer: “Well, is there anything I can do? Don’t I have insurance on my phone?”

    Me: “Yes you do, but the insurance only covers physical damage or a lost or stolen phone.”

    (Suddenly, I hear a load crash over the phone.)

    Me: “What was that?!”

    Customer: “There I was, just minding my own business, when suddenly my wall tried to attack me! My phone, knowing it was about to die, heroically jumped in front of me taking the full force of the wall’s assault. Sadly, it has now broken in half.”

    Me: “Well! Let me get you over to our insurance department while you prepare a Viking funeral for our brave hero!”

    Customer: “Do I actually need to burn it?”

    Me: “No, but it will drive the insurance people crazy!”

    Shaping Up To Be A Typical Day

    | West Virginia, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (At my ISP, we offer rental modems for wireless connections that come pre-encrypted with a 26 character long password. Many customers mistake zeros for O’s; I’m speaking to one such customer after correcting it for him.)

    Customer: “I just couldn’t figure it out. I tried several times, but it didn’t want to work.”

    Me: “Well, it looks like we found the problem. Just remember that there are no O’s in that password—only zeros.”

    Customer: “That’s gotta be it. I know the first time I tried it I used O’s, and then I tried circles. Guess I didn’t think to try zeros!”

    Laptop Flop, Part 2

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Technology

    (I work in a technology help desk fixing computers. A preteen girl brings in her laptop. The entire left side is damaged, and quite badly.)

    Girl: “My laptop isn’t working and I don’t know why.”

    Me: “Well, it may have to do with the damage on the side.”

    Girl: “What damage?”

    Me: “The entire left side of your laptop is smashed up.”

    Girl: *surprised* “Oh! When did that happen?”

    Me: “Have you dropped it recently?”

    Girl: “Well, yeah, I’m really klutzy, so I tend to drop it out of my car when I go to school.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, we can take a look at it and try to fix it for you so your laptop works again. In the future, try not to drop your laptop so much.”

    Girl: “Oh, is it bad to drop it a lot?”

    Laptop Flop

    Those Who Can’t, iTeach

    | GA, USA | Technology

    Customer: “I want to see the new iPods. I am interested in one because I don’t want to buy an iPhone and be locked into a data plan.”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s the great thing about the iPod! With the addition of FaceTime, you can video chat people over wifi.”

    Customer: “FaceTime, hmm? What is FaceTime?”

    Me: “That’s a great question. It’s actually a brand new app that’s included with iOS 5 that allows you to video chat, like Skype.”

    Customer: “Well, how does it work?”

    Me: “Easy! You just open the app, tap the person you want to contact, and your device will attempt to connect to the person’s device for a video chat.”

    (At this point in the conversation, I think I am doing a great job explaining FaceTime. Then, the tone completely changes.)

    Customer: “Right, but how does it work?”

    Me: “Like I said, you just tap the—”

    Customer: “Stop, stop, stop! You already explained that. You’re avoiding the question now. How does FaceTime actually work!?”

    Me: “…Like, the technology behind it?”

    Customer: “Yes! What’s the technology behind it?”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Well when you’re connected to wifi, it allows you to—”

    Customer: “No! That’s not what I am asking. You know, I was a teacher for 20 years and if you were in my class, you would be given detention for having a smart mouth!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I am not sure how else to explain it.”

    Customer: “Is there someone else I could talk to who knows anything!?”

    (I ended up getting my manager; they had just as tough of a time pleasing her!)

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