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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Assault And Battery

    | Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Hi, I think I have a problem with my computer. I tried fixing it myself, but now it’s just not booting at all. I’d like to have it backed up too while you’re at it, because I run a business and I can’t afford to lose anything.”

    (The next day, I call the customer.)

    Me: “Hello sir, was this the only copy you had for your business data?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Well, do you have any disgruntled employees that may have had access to your computer recently?”

    Customer: “No, why?”

    Me: “Well sir, the hard drive has been hacked at with what looks like a flat-head screwdriver, severing a connection on the bottom.  It appears very deliberate, and we wont be able to retrieve your data.”

    Customer: “Do you mean the battery?”

    Me: “No, sir, the hard drive.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought that little round thing on the bottom of the hard drive was a battery. I was just trying to replace it. Well, I’ll just come in and pick that up.”

    Customer: “Very good sir.”

    (4 minutes later, he calls back.)

    Customer: “Just a quick thing, if my wife comes in, and asks about it, could you leave that part out?”

    Some Calls Really Push The Envelope

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Technology

    Me: “Hi, Welcome to the post office. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I have a problem, I deleted all the messages on my house phone, how do I get them back?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Well I only wanted to delete one message on my phone, but they all got erased, can you help me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand the problem. You know you have called the postal service, yes?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Well unfortunately I can’t assist you. You may need to ring the manufacturer of the phone and see how to get your messages back.”

    Customer: “But it’s voice-mail! Mail! Why can’t you help me?!”

    Hugh Do You Think You Are

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Funny Names, Technology

    Me: *wrapping up the call* “Thank’s very much Hugh! Was
    there anything else?”

    Caller: “And what was your name? Oh Emma, right.”

    Me: “My name is Uma.”

    Caller: “Yuma?”

    Me: “Like Uma Thurman.”

    Caller: “Oh, like the actress? Are you as pretty as she is? Do you look like her?”

    Me: “No. Do you look like Hugh Grant? Or Hugh Jackman?”

    Caller: “Try Hugh Hefner.”

    When The Only Typing Available Is Stereotyping

    | Elkridge, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Technology, Top

    Me: “Sir, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a cable.”

    Me: “Ok. I’ll take you to our cables, what kind of cable do you need?”

    Customer: “Uhm…. a cable. USB? I need to hook up a computer.”

    Me: “Here are our USB cables, but could you be a little more specific?”

    Customer: *getting angry* “These are not what I need at all! I need a cable! Are you deaf? I need a  C-A-B-L-E. I need one for my computer.”

    Me: “Sir, there are a lot of cables, if you could tell me what kind of thing you were trying to hook up?”

    Customer: “Is there anyone else on the floor that can help me!? Maybe one of the computer guys? You’re obviously too stupid to understand.”

    Me: “Sir, I am the only one on the floor at the moment and I am trying my best to help you find your cable.”

    Customer: “Miss, why don’t you go back to the registers where you belong and bring me a computer guy?”

    Me: “Sir, I am the tech person and would be happy to help you find your cable. Could you show me an example of what you mean?”

    (The customer, extremely agitated, goes to a display computer.)

    Customer: This is what I wanted! A cable!”

    Me: “You mean a keyboard?”

    Customer: “Um…yes.” *sheepishly leaves the store*

    When Grave Concerns Are Warranted

    | Canada | Technology, Top

    (After talking to an elderly customer about a computer and all its benefits, I try to talk to him about our in-store warranty.)

    Me: “So are you interested in purchasing this computer and having it protected for three years through us?”

    Customer: “I would be dead by then.”

    Me: “Then it would be a lifetime warranty.”

    Customer: *laughs*


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