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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Four, Five, And Whatever Comes After Six

    | West Byfleet, UK | Technology

    (I’ve been hired by a software company to phone up their customers and get feedback on their help desk service.)

    Me: “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being ‘poor’ and 10 being ‘excellent’, how would you rate the overall service of the help desk?”

    Customer: “Phew…I’m not sure. I mean, it’s really good.”

    Me: “I understand it’s a tricky question, but if you had to put a number to it?”

    Customer: “Well, I mean, it’s sort of in between a 8 and a 10, really.”

    Me: “So, a 9?”

    Customer: “Well, I suppose so.”

    The Beginning Of The End

    | Illinois, USA | Technology

    (I’ve been helping a caller with programming their phone. We are nearing the end of this lengthy, multi-step process.)

    Me: “Now, you’re going to enter your number with the area code.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me:“After you enter your number, select OK.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “At this point, you can keep selecting OK until you see EXIT.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “After you press EXIT, the phone is going to power off by itself.”

    Customer: “But it’s been off the whole time.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim, Part 3

    | Amsterdam, Netherlands | Technology

    Me: “…and may I have the serial number of your [brand] product please?”

    Customer: “Well, you know, in winter it’s very dark here in Norway, so I can’t read the serial number.”

    Me: “I’m sure you can turn on the light for a moment, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah, that’s right…”

    Related:
    Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim

    It Keeps Saying Error

    | Eau Claire, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a cell phone store. From time to time, we have to fix phones for people. Today, an elderly woman is asking me to look at her phone.)

    Customer: “There is something wrong with my phone. Could you fix it for me?”

    Me: “Sure, what’s it doing?”

    Customer: “Well, it won’t make any phone calls.”

    Me: “No problem. Can I see your phone for a moment?”

    (The customer digs through her purse, pulls out a calculator, and hands it to me.)

    Customer: “See, I punch in a phone number and nothing happens.”

    Me: “Erm, did you grab this by mistake? This is a calculator, not a cell phone.” *hands back the calculator*

    (The customer takes the calculator back, looks at it, then looks at me blankly before walking away.)

    Out With The Old And In With The Nothing

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Technology

    (This is the second time this customer has called in today for the same issue, after calling in 3 times about it yesterday.)

    Me: “I can understand how you are frustrated that your email is not working in Outlook. However, it still works in webmail, so why don’t you use that for the time being until we hear back from our hosting technicians about your issue?”

    Caller: “That’s not what I’m paying for! I want you to fix my Outlook right now!”

    Me: “Sir, we do not provide Outlook. We provide the webmail that routes to your email, so you aren’t paying us for something that is unavailable. The webmail still works, so you can still use that for now.”

    Caller: “I don’t want to use that archaic piece of garbage! I want my Outlook! You guys are putting me out of business!”

    Me: “So, you won’t use webmail, even though it still works, because you don’t like the layout?”

    Caller: “I want my Outlook back! You are putting me out of business with this delay!”

    (Note: it has been less than 24 hours since the original complaint was filed.)

    Me: “Sir, our technicians are working on the issue. This issue will take time to fix.”

    Caller: “Well, I’m not seeing any effort! Tell them to work faster! I will be calling back this afternoon to speak with a supervisor! You are putting me out of business!”

    Me: “Sir, there is nothing that can be done except wait and use the webmail service for now.”

    Caller: “But I don’t want to use webmail! I want to use my Outlook! You go tell those guys to stop drinking coffee and fix my email! Don’t you understand how I feel?”

    Me: “Certainly, sir, but the webmail service we provide is still working, so you can use it for the time being to keep in contact with your clients and your business won’t be affected.”

    Caller: “You aren’t listening! Forget it! You’re putting me out of business and I will not use the webmail!” *hangs up*

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