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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    At Least It’s Hands-Free Now

    | Oslo, Norway | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Caller: “My phone isn’t working.”

    Me: “No problem. I can help you with that.”

    Caller: “Good. I hate these things.”

    Me: “Sir, can you locate the power button on the top of your mobile, hold it in for 10 seconds, and then release?”

    (The customer is quiet, and then I hear a crash.)

    Me: “What happened?”

    Caller: “I did what you told me to do. Hold the button for 10 seconds and then release the phone.”

    Me: “No, I meant release the button, not the whole phone.”

    Caller: “Well, if it wasn’t broken earlier, it sure is now!”

    Literally Going Nowhere

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hi ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “It’s this stupid GPS watch that I bought. What a big waste of money!  It doesn’t even work.”

    Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

    Customer: “It shows the time, but not now how far I ran. I was running on the treadmill for over 30 minutes!”

    A Pressing Issue

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The customer has a standard flip phone that she wants to program.)

    Me: “Ok, let’s try the automated system first, and if that doesn’t work, we will do it manually. Please dial *228, press send, and when the automated voice comes on, press 1.”

    (In the background, I can hear the customer dialing, and the voice coming on. No response from the customer.)

    Me: “Just press the button on your keypad that has the number ‘1’ on it, then some music will start.”

    Customer: “Ok, now, how do I press ‘1’?”

    Me: “Just press the button marked ‘1’”.”

    Customer: “No! I know there’s a button marked ‘1’. What I’m asking is how do I press it?”

    Acting Flippantly

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thanks you for calling [wireless phone company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “You guys sent me a phone but it has no buttons, this is unbelievable! What kind of monkeys do you have working there that you don’t notice your phones have no buttons?”

    (I pull up the information and immediately see the problem.)

    Me: “You said the phone has no buttons correct?”

    Customer: “Well, it has a couple but not the buttons with numbers!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, Do you see that large crack down the middle of the phone?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Pull on either side it will flip open.”

    Customer: “Oh, there they are. It does have buttons. How’d you do that?”

    Phoning It In

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK | Bizarre, Technology

    (A customer phones up 5 minutes before we close, to try and track some products she ordered but haven’t been delivered.)

    Me: “Okay, I’m just going to need to take your contact details, so I can try and trace your order. Can I take your address and your
    phone number?”

    Customer: “I don’t have a phone.”

    Me: “How are we speaking now?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”


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