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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    You Didn’t Hear It Foam Me

    , | Hamilton, New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am explaining to a customer that his cellphone is not covered under warranty because is suffering from water damage.)

    Customer: “But I didn’t get it wet!”

    Me: “You told me you took it to the foam night party at the local bar.”

    Customer: “Yes, but that’s foam, not liquid.”

    Me: “Did you notice that you came out wet, though?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it’s not water! How can it be liquid damage?!”

    Losing Faith In Humanity, Bit By Bit

    | New Jersey, USA | Technology

    (I help set up new computers. I set up a new system for a user last week, and didn’t get to finish because she was out of office. She comes in today looking rather irritated.)

    User: “I want all my 64 bits.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    User: “My new computer has Windows 7, right?”

    Me: “Yes, it does. Is there something wrong with it?”

    User: “You do know that means it uses up 7 bits, right?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    User: “So, I want all of my 64 bits back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it doesn’t work–”

    User: “Never mind! You’re useless!” *storms out*

    Persistent ID-10-T Error

    | Mesa, AZ, USA | Technology

    (I work warranty at a well known cellular phone company. A customer arrives and complains that her phone is not charging. She had come in the previous day with the same issue, and a representative had replaced her phone without troubleshooting her issue.)

    Customer: “This phone is terrible! This is the second one and it still won’t charge! I want you to give me a new phone! There is no way I’m keeping this model.”

    Me: “Alright, let me take a look and see what might be going on…”

    (I troubleshoot the phone for about 15 minutes, but the phone seems to hold its charge just fine. I can see no other issues with the phone, battery, or charger.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the phone seems to be in perfect working condition.”

    (She snatches the phone from my hands and grabs the charger cord off the desk, and attempts to plug it in.)

    Customer: “See, this stupid cable doesn’t even fit! It’s useless!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not the charging port, that’s the memory card slot.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s still a stupid phone!” *storms off*

    (Bodily) Equipment Malfunctions

    | New Zealand | Technology

    (The modems we supply customers with have a light that has “PPP” written next to it. Customers often call up when their internet is down and tell us that their PPP light is off.)

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [ISP]. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: *distressed* “My PP is not working!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Something is wrong with my PP!”

    Introducing The Dumbbook Pro

    | Connecticut, USA | Technology

    (Note: A new operating system has just come out for our computers.)

    Customer: “Hi, I wanted to get the new OS but I’m having some trouble. It gives me an error when try to download it from the App Store.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind of error is it giving? Are you running version 10.6?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it just won’t let me get it. I don’t know why.”

    Me: “How old is the computer?”

    Customer: “A couple years.”

    Me: “That’s strange. You should be able to get it. You might want to bring the computer in to have us take a look. What kind of computer is it?”

    Customer: “A Dell.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s a Dell. I got it a couple if years ago. It’s running Windows XP.”

    Me: “Ah. Well, unfortunately, the new OS is Mac OS X. You would need a Mac to be able to run it.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s really inconvenient!”

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