Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

The Light-Bulb Moment When Wifi Took Over

| Canada | Bizarre, Technology

(I do tech support over the phone for a large Internet company. Some of the worst calls are for people’s wifi connections, because there’s so many things that can interfere with it, and people of course try to hook up everything from Blu-ray players to printers, but we’re only trained on (and support) actual computers.)

Me: “…And is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got these special [Brand] light bulbs; you can control them from your iPhone?”

Me: “Uh… light bulbs?”

Customer: “Yeah. Except I can’t make it work.”

Me: “So… these light bulbs connect to your home wifi and then you use the iPhone to turn them on and off and things?”

Customer: “Yeah. Can you help me?”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but I don’t have a clue what to do with that. You have your wifi name and password now; I’d suggest talking to [Manufacturer] directly because I’m afraid I’m only trained on computers. I honestly have no idea how to connect your light bulbs to your wifi.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

Me: *to coworker* “…and a little piece of my soul just died just from having to say that.”

Hashtag Fail

| Huntington Beach, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am working the till at a popular clothing store when a teenager comes to me to check out with her debit card.)

Me: “Please hit the pound key before you start typing your code.”

Girl: “Pound key? Where is that?”

Me: “It’s the number symbol.”

Girl: “HA! You mean the hashtag? I can’t believe you just called the hashtag a pound key!”

Me: *silence*

Girl: *finishes paying and goes to leave* “How old are you? Did they call it that in the 70s or something? I will NEVER get over that!”

Remember, Remember, The Fifth Of October

| Saratoga, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(It is about a half hour from closing when the phone rings. If you want to pay for delivery with a card, you have to do it over the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. Will this be for pickup or delivery?”

Customer: “Delivery, please.”

(We go through the normal ordering process of phone number, address, what she actually wants; when we get to the payment.)

Customer: “Yeah, I like, want to charge it.”

Me: “Okay, I just need your card number whenever you’re ready.”

Customer: “It’s [Number].”

Me: “Expiration date?”

Customer: “October 2014.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s coming up declined. Let’s try the number again.”

Customer: *in a huff* “Okaaay, it’s 4… 2… 3…”

(She’s saying each number slowly and dramatically, as if I processed it wrong because I’m stupid. I’m a bit disgruntled until the next part happens.)

Me: “And for the expiration, I have ten-fourteen?”

Customer: “No, October. Like, eleven-fourteen.”

Me: “Okay, I think I see the problem here. You’re all set and it’ll be about forty minutes. Have a great night.”

Wipe And Gripe

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am on my way to the bathroom when a student stops me. She’s on one of our computers. All of our computers are available to the public.)

Student: “Hey! Where’s my stuff!?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Student: “I saved my stuff on here and it’s gone!”

Me: *shocked* “Ma’am, that’s a public computer. They wipe them fairly often.”

Student: “Other people’s stuff is on it and mine isn’t! I want my stuff!”

Me: *attempts to see if I can find her ‘stuff’*

Student: “I had my resume on here and everything!”

Me: “As I said, ma’am, these are public computers. Even if it hadn’t been wiped, any person can come in and delete files that are saved on here.”

Student: “Well, that’s just stupid!”

No Gratitude Attitude

| UK | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

(I work at a sporting goods store. I go and check the changing rooms when I notice a smartphone sitting on the bench. I pick up the phone, figuring someone had set it down and forgotten it, and take it into the manager’s office. Ten minutes later, a customer comes up to me whilst I’m at the till.)

Customer: “I left my phone in the changing room just now and I went back in and it’s gone. Have you seen anyone walk out with it?”

(I know straight away the phone he’s on about, but need to play dumb so that he can identify it before I hand it to him.)

Me: “I’ll check with the manager and see if it’s been left with us, sir. Would you be able to describe it to me so I know what to look for?”

Customer: “It’s a white [Smartphone] and it’s in a green case. If you press the menu button the lock screen shows a Star Wars background.”

(I go back into the office and pick up the phone, checking the background and sure enough, it’s a Star Wars one. I take it back out to the customer who snatches it from my hand.)

Customer: “So you were planning on stealing it, then?”

Me: *taken aback* “Steal it? No, sir, I found it in the changing room earlier and no-one was in the immediate area. I took it to the manager’s office to make sure no-one else picked it up and took it.”

Customer: “I saw you go in there just after I came out and put it in your pocket. You were going to steal it and sell it, weren’t you?”

Me: “Actually, sir, I’m quite offended by that. I would never consider stealing another’s property. I put it in my pocket so no-one else would try to collar me for it and claim it as theirs on my way to the office.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you. I’d like to speak to your manager, please.”

(I phone the manager who saw the whole thing on the office CCTV. She comes out to the till area.)

Customer: “I think you need to reconsider who you hire to work in your store. This boy here just tried to steal my phone from the changing rooms. Lord knows what else he’s stolen from under your nose whilst he’s been here.”

Manager: “Actually, sir, I saw the whole thing on the CCTV monitor I have in my office. He was routinely checking the changing rooms when he noticed your phone, unguarded, on the bench, and bought it straight to me to ensure no-one else would have the opportunity to take it instead. I also saw you leave the changing room a good ten minutes beforehand; you’re lucky the phone wasn’t taken by someone else in that time.”

(The customer turns to me one last time before he leaves.)

Customer: “If I find so much as ONE SCRATCH on this phone, you’re paying to have it repaired.”

(The customer storms off and out of the store.)

Manager: “I love the gratitude we get in retail when we help people who forget their stuff and make sure it isn’t stolen. You’re due your break anyway. Go and kick a bin or something whilst you’re at it.”

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