November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Needs To Get His Fax Straight

| WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Technology

(We are a small library without a public fax machine. We have a private business fax machine for office use only. We still get spam faxes because the number is publicly listed.)

Me: “Well, I was going to send the weekly report to accounting but something is coming in on the fax.”

Coworker: “Ooooh, is it another offer for a discount trip to Bermuda?”

Me: “It’s some financial thing. Man, it’s eight pages long. Woah. This is someone’s debt consolidation paperwork.”

Coworker: “What? Is it for someone who works here?”

Me: “No… but they apparently live in town.”

(I attempt to call the customer multiple times as a courtesy, but their voice-mail inbox is full. They show up the next day anyway.)

Customer: “Hi. So, uh you should have some papers for me?”

Me: “Did you have your financial institution use the library’s fax line?”

Customer: “No, it was their idea. They say they do that for a lot of customers.”

Me: “Ok. You need to explain to them that isn’t appropriate. Our fax machine is for library business only. I actually thought your fax was spam at first because we weren’t expecting anything. It could have been shredded. It’s also not very secure. We have volunteers and maintenance staff coming and going all the time and we don’t guard the fax machine because we don’t normally receive sensitive documents. We had to look over these papers just to figure out what they were and there is information on here that we did not need to know about you, like your social security number. We couldn’t reach you to warn you either. If you had contacted us first we could have told you not to use our fax.”

Customer: “Oh… so, like, does that mean I can’t send my paperwork back through you guys?”

Me: “You may not. There is a pay-fax machine at the copy shop across town. Please inform the company not to use our fax again. Any other paperwork that is sent will be shredded.”

(The customer shrugged and left. I’m still not sure I got through to them. At the very least I know never do business with that debt consolidation company!)

Code Red

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer comes in with his son to purchase Xbox currency. At our store, whenever someone buys any DLC (downloadable codes) a screen pops up on our pin-pad that lets the customer know they cannot return DLC once it’s purchased and to verify that it’s the correct item for the correct system. We also voice what the pad says, to save the customer time from reading it. The customer must hit accept before we can continue the purchase.)

Me: “Okay! All that’s left is to hit accept on the pad, which is just letting you know once you purchase this item, you can’t return it.”

Customer: “But I haven’t swiped my debit card yet…”

Me: *confused* “No, this is for the currency that you are buying. We have a policy where you can’t return it since it’s just a code, and we just need you to accept that you understand that.”

Customer: “But… I haven’t swiped my debit card yet.”

(His tone of voice by this point makes it sound like he thinks I’m dumb and don’t understand what he’s saying.)

Me: “Right, we haven’t gotten that far yet. Before you can pay for it, you need to accept this message here, as I said.”

(He continued to tell me the same thing, until his son chimed in and told him what he needed to do. We were finally able to finalize the transactions. The kicker? He came back the next day trying to return the code saying it wasn’t working. After my manager called our customer service number, who told us the code had been redeemed, the son told his dad that they had already redeemed the code. The father looked pissed and left in a huff.)

Unable To Remotely Fix The Problem

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Technology

(I work in a call center that provides technical support for residential phone, tv, and Internet.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I’m watching Spike and they have been playing the same program for over four days now.”

(I proceed to pull up customer’s account and verify basic information.)

Me: “I apologize sir. Programming is determined by the network. In order to view a different program, the channel needs to be changed on your set-top box.”

Caller: “I’m bedridden and I don’t have the remote by me.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir. I am not able to change the channel for you. I can only reboot your set-top box which would turn it off completely.”

Caller: *begins to vent about how I’m not fixing his issue*

Me: “I apologize that this is not something I can ‘fix’ sir. I can not make Spike show a different program. It is their prerogative to play a marathon of Cops for five days sir. This can be ‘corrected’ by changing the channel from your remote.”

Caller: “Thanks for nothing.” *click*

(I went home and saw that the ‘Cops’ marathon didn’t end until five pm that evening. This was January 5th and it started on New Years Day.)

She Can’t Get With The Program(mers)

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am browsing in a large, well known office supply store, in the computer section.)

Customer: “Do you like computers?”

Me: “Yeah. I actually want to start learning [Programming Language]. I like—”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a coder?”

Me: “Not really—”

Customer: “Cool. I was looking for someone to code me a website!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because, A: The most complex thing I know is Scratch, and B: Even if I did know [Programming Language], it’s used for apps. So I can’t help you.”

Customer: “Can’t you just do it in, I dunno, 2-math?”

Me: “You mean base 2? Like, Binary Code?”

Customer: “NO! 2-MATH!”

Me: “Um, no. I can’t code a website for you in bi- um, ‘2-math.'”

Customer: “I’ll pay you twenty dollars…”

(She continues to follow me around the store, asking me to do various tasks for her. Keep in mind, I AM NOT A PROGRAMMER. And that wasn’t all; she wanted graphic design, too.)

Employee: “Oh great.”

Me: *still with the customer behind me* “What?”

Employee: “Her again?”

(He proceeded to kick the annoying customer out.)

Employee: “I have no idea why she thinks everyone in the computer section can design a website for her. Really, who looks for a programmer in [Store]?”

Brain Not Listed

| San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I run tech support for our web hosting system. When a user submits a ticket, the form asks which site they are referring to.)

Customer: “I am looking to gain admin rights. Please send me an update and a possible timeline of when it will be confirmed.”

Me: *checking form to see “Site Not Listed” for the site name* “Thank you for the information, but I need to know the site you are referring to before I can confirm with the authorities that you are to be the new admin.”

Customer: “I need admin rights for our account. The previous admin is no longer here.”

Me: “Again, I need to know which site you are referring to. What is the name of the site as it appears on our system? You indicated “Site Not Listed” on the form and your message does not state which site you are referring to. I need to know the name of the site in order to assist.”

Customer: “Why is this so hard? I just need admin rights!”

Me: “…”