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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    He Who Giveth

    | UK | Technology, Top

    (I work as a security manager and share an office with the tech support teams in a hospital. One day, the client walks into the office.)

    Client: “My windows login says it’s disabled.”

    IT Support member: “Yes, I disabled it because when I came to service your printer last night, I noticed your password was written down next to your keyboard.”

    Client: “I write it down because I always forget it.”

    IT Support member: “I disabled it because you are not supposed to do that.”

    Client: “Well, can I have a new password and my account enabled?”

    Me: “I hope you are not going to write it down again. It’s a serious offence, especially given you have access to patient details.”

    Client: *angrily* “Well, I’m writing it down anyway. What are you going to do about it?!”

    Me: “We can disable your account permanently and recommend disciplinary action against you.”

    Client: “Ha! Well, go ahead. I don’t care. You can’t do anything to me. I’ve been here for years and I retire in two years anyway, so there!”

    (The next day, the same client comes back to my office.)

    Client: “My computer is not in my office.”

    Me: “That’s correct, it’s currently being rebuilt.”

    Client: “When can I get it back?”

    Me: “I’ve spoken to your manager. He said you can do your job without a computer for the next two years.”

    Honesty In A Modern Age

    | Lakewood, CO, USA | Technology

    Me: “Hey, you look like you’re looking for something in particular. What brings you into [store] today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need to buy a USB port. Where you guys keep them?”

    Me: “So, what is it you’re trying to do? Do you just need a USB hub? Are you trying to get more USB ports on your computer?”

    Customer: “No, I just need a USB port. My friend’s trying to get some pictures off her computer.”

    Me: “Oh, so you need a flash drive?”

    Customer: *laughing* “Yeah, I guess it’s been one of those days. I’m sure you’re going to go and tell all your co-workers about this aren’t you? That’s fine, I was an idiot.”

    Cordless & Clueless

    | Yorkshire, UK | Technology

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a cordless phone.”

    Me: “No problem, they’re just over here.”

    Customer: ‘I’m wanting one without batteries and that you plug into the mains, do you have any?”

    Me: “That would defeat the point of a cordless phone wouldn’t it?”

    Customer: “No, I had one last time!”

    Me: “Was it like this?”

    (I show her the corded phones.)

    Customer: “Yes! See, a cordless phone you plug in!”

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 8
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 7
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6

    You Didn’t Hear It Foam Me

    , | Hamilton, New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am explaining to a customer that his cellphone is not covered under warranty because is suffering from water damage.)

    Customer: “But I didn’t get it wet!”

    Me: “You told me you took it to the foam night party at the local bar.”

    Customer: “Yes, but that’s foam, not liquid.”

    Me: “Did you notice that you came out wet, though?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it’s not water! How can it be liquid damage?!”

    Losing Faith In Humanity, Bit By Bit

    | New Jersey, USA | Technology

    (I help set up new computers. I set up a new system for a user last week, and didn’t get to finish because she was out of office. She comes in today looking rather irritated.)

    User: “I want all my 64 bits.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    User: “My new computer has Windows 7, right?”

    Me: “Yes, it does. Is there something wrong with it?”

    User: “You do know that means it uses up 7 bits, right?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    User: “So, I want all of my 64 bits back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it doesn’t work–”

    User: “Never mind! You’re useless!” *storms out*

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