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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Pass(word) The Buck

    | Missoula, MT, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    Customer: “I hear you are the go-to girl for computer problems.”

    Me: “Yes, I am.” (I scoot over to the computer.) “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “I can’t remember my password.”

    Me: “I don’t know your password.”

    Customer: “So they lied when they told me you knew everything about the computers?”

    Upgrading Faster Than A Fox In A Fire

    | North Carolina, USA | Technology

    (I’m working with a caller on a bug they’ve found on our website.)

    Me: "Okay, I need to know what Internet browser you’re working on. Internet Explorer? Firefox?"

    Caller: "I’m using Firefox."

    Me: "Great, now do you know what version of Firefox you’re using?"

    Caller: "Yes, I’m using version 12" *note: the highest version of Firefox is currently 3.6*

    Me: *jokingly* "Firefox 12? That must mean you’re from the future! Wow! What’s the new Firefox like? In my time, we only have version 3.6."

    Caller: "It’s pretty nice, I guess."

    Me: *still jokingly* "Do you have hover-cars yet?"

    Caller: "Um…"

    Me: "Sorry, that was a joke. What I want you to do is email me a screen capture of the bug you’re experiencing, as well as of the specific version of Firefox you’re using. I can give you instructions on how to do so."

    (30 minutes later I receive an email with the screen captures. Turns out she was using Internet Explorer 7.)

    Acting Rashly Can Leave You Pooped

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m work as a technical support agent for a satellite TV company. I get a call where I hear a baby screaming in the background.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling Technical Support. How are you doing this evening?”

    Customer: “Hello? Yes? I need to speak to someone in the technical department.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, this is the technical department, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’m babysitting for a woman, and she has a one year old. I’ve never actually babysat a baby before, and I can’t figure out how to get the diaper off so I can change him! These things have some sort of electronic lock or something on them right so the baby can’t take them off?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is customer support for satellite television, not a child care line.”

    Customer: “But you are a technical guy right?! You should be able to help me out! Is there somewhere I can put a code in or something? Come on!”

    Me: “Ma’am, again I apologize, but this is a technical support line for satellite television. I really can’t help you.”

    Customer: “Please, I’m begging you! I want to get paid for this job! if I don’t change his diaper and he gets a rash or something, I’m going to be in big trouble!”

    Me: “Have you tried peeling back the two little tapes on the front of the diaper?”

    (I hear the customer pause for a second, and then I hear the tell tale ripping noise of the diaper tapes being peeled away.)

    Customer: “Wow! You’re a genius! It came right off! Did you press a little button or something on your end?”

    Her Phone’s Not Much To Look At

    | London, UK | Family & Kids, Technology

    Customer: “This compensation thing means you can get a phone back, right? I shouldn’t even have to pay. It’s your fault my daughter doesn’t have a phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that Ma’am. Could you please tell me what happened and how it’s our fault? We’ll try to rectify it. Did it break for no reason?”

    Customer: “Her teacher took it! She was texting me and the teacher confiscated it! She has no phone until they give it back.”

    Me: “Most schools do operate a ban on cell-phones during school hours and inform the students. Ma’am, how is this our fault?”

    Customer: “You lot told me when I bought it that it would be perfect for teenagers! There should be something to stop it being seen in school!”

    Me: “And how do you suppose we do that?”

    Customer: “You’re the techno-geeks, you should be able to make it invisible on and off or something! God! You just don’t work hard enough!” *stomps out angrily*

    Touchscreen Has-beens

    | Nottingham, UK | Technology

    (Myself and another colleague are talking to two elderly ladies.)

    Lady #1: “You could just help us with one more thing.”

    Lady #2: “You see that red button in the corner of the screen?”

    (They indicate the interactive red button that accesses extra services, which you press on your remote.)

    Me: “Yes?”

    Lady #1: “Well the TV says to press it and nothing happens. Actually, lets see if it works now!”

    (Lady 1 presses the red button and nothing happens. I immediately see the problem.)

    Lady #1: “You see! Your TVs are broken too!”

    Lady #2: “Oh, it’s working now.”

    Me: “I’ve just pressed the red button on the remote. Not on the screen.”


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