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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Winding Down On Dialing Up

    | Hawaii, USA | Family & Kids, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for contacting technical support. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *whispering* “Can you shut my internet off for four hours?”

    Me: “I could disable the port, but may I ask why?”

    Customer: *whispering* “My son has been locked in his room since last night and he won’t come out or talk to me. He hasn’t eaten breakfast yet and it’s 3 pm.”

    Me: “I suppose I could, however, you will need to call us to re-enable your connection.”

    Customer: “Thank you! I don’t know what he’s doing in there on the computer. It’s been like this since we got your internet.”

    Me: “Your connection has been disabled. Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?”

    Customer: “No, thank you. I hope he comes out soon!”

    Doesn’t Get The Fine Print

    | Texas, USA | Technology

    Customer: *hands me a printer* "Is this all I need to print? My last printer broke."

    Me: "No, ma’am. You still have to purchase ink and a printer cable for it."

    Customer: *grabs random ink off shelf* "Okay, here we go."

    Me: "You have to get the specific brand and number listed on the box."

    Customer: "Oh, well, normally you can just mix and match. I’m new to this web 2.0 nonsense but I think I know a little about setting up a printin’ machine!"

    Spelling Gone Rogue

    | North Carolina, USA | Funny Names, Technology

    Caller: “I have a question about my account.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help! What email address do you use to log in?”

    Caller: “It’s rogue@[email host].com.”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I can’t seem to find that email in the system. To confirm, let me spell out the full address: r-o-g-u-e@[email host].com?”

    Caller: “No, it’s *****r-o-u-g-e!”

    Me: “Oh, “rouge” like the makeup. The word “rogue” is spelled r-o-g-u-e.”

    Caller: “That’s not how “rogue” is spelled! I can’t believe how stupid your customer service is!”

    Me: “If you want to be sure, you can check a dictionary for the correct spelling.”

    Caller: “Fine, I will! I’m going to search dictionary.com right now!”

    (A minute passes as he searches.)

    Caller: “F***! I’ve been using this email for years! I can’t believe my guild members never pointed this out to me!” *hangs up*

    The Router To Success, Part 2

    | Chicago, Il, USA | Technology

    Me: “Good morning, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I cant seem to connect to the server.”

    Me: “No problem, I have to ask if you’re able to see if all the cables are connected properly and the computer is functioning properly.”

    Customer: “Are you trying to imply that I am stupid? That I can’t tell if something isn’t plugged in? I don’t want to talk to you! I want to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Sir I am in fact the manager, and I meant no disrespect. This is step one in our problem solving protocol.”

    Customer: “So will you come here and fix my problem?”

    Me: “I have noticed that you have not signed or returned your service agreement and I will be forced to charge you $100 for an onsite repair.”

    Customer: “That’s fine, it must be broken. Get here as soon as you can.”

    (Two hours of driving in traffic later…)

    Me: “Sir, I have found your problem.”

    Customer: “Oh, and what do you have to repair?”

    Me: “Nothing, your router was unplugged.”

    Related:
    The Router To Success

    Likely Not A Fan Of Spell Checking

    | Brisbane, Australia | Religion, Technology

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”

    Me: “Oh really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”

    Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”

    Me: “Witchcraft?”

    Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process, it makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your make believe hull-a-b-loo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”

    Me: “Sure ma’am, this way.”

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