Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7

| CA, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

Coworker: “Hey, my start bar is going crazy, and my keyboard won’t respond.”

Me: “Pick up your cell phone.”

Coworker: “That worked! Was the radiation interfering with the computer?”

Me: “No, it was sitting on your space bar.”

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

Not Even Remotely Close

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(My customer needs help setting up a 3rd party recording device, so I spend a few minutes explaining where the connections need to go. Then he asks for help programming our remote to control his 3rd party equipment.)

Me: “Okay, we’re almost ready to program it now! We just need one more piece of information. Can you find the manufacturer of your recorder for me?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, it’s a Hitachi.”

Me: “Excellent! Let’s see what the code is for Hitachi then. Give me one moment.”

Customer: “Did you need me to spell it for you?”

Me: “Well, you said it’s a Hitachi, right?”

Customer: “Yeah. But it’s spelled with a ‘B’.”

Me: “Sorry, did you say a ‘B’, as in bravo?”

Customer: “Yeah! It says T-O-S-H-I-B-A, Hitachi!”

His Definition Of Solid Is Not So Solid

| PA, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I’m on the phone with a customer who is having an Internet connection problem.)

Me: “Is the light on your modem blinking?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “So, it is solid then?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s solid, then it’s off, then it’s solid again, then it’s off again…”

Powerful Pictures

| Plymouth, Devon, UK | Technology, Theme Of The Month

(It’s a quiet day in the shop, so I’m busy prepping films to process. A middle-aged lady enters, so I put everything down and greet her.)

Customer: “Hello, my love; do you print photos from digital cameras?”

Me: “We do indeed! We just need your memory card or a USB cable if you have your camera with you.”

Customer: “Oh, good! I’ve brought this in; my pictures are on it.”

(She rummages around in her handbag, and finally places a small oblong of plastic on the counter.)

Me: “I’m ever so sorry, but we’re not going to be able to get your photos from that.”

Customer: “Oh, no! Why not?”

Me: “This is your battery.”

Stereo-Typo

| USA | Bigotry, Technology

(I’m the customer service administrator. I’m the very last in line when customers ask to speak to a manager. Our tech support call center is located in India, but our headquarters, where I work, are in the States.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [company name]; this is [name].”

Customer: “Yes, I asked for a shipping label a couple days ago to send in my unit, and I haven’t gotten it yet. What’s the hold up?”

Me: “It looks like a shipping label was generated to be sent to your e-mail, but someone made a typo in your e-mail address. We sent it out via mail; sorry about that! It should reach you in a couple of days.”

Customer: “What?! D*** foreigners! How hard is it to type in an e-mail address? Your company is doing a disservice, shipping jobs that honest, hard-working Americans could have, over to India!”

Me: “The mistake was a simple typo, sir. Anyone could have made that mistake, American or otherwise.”

Customer: “That’s just a bull-s*** excuse! If you don’t want to take my word for it, fine. But you’re doing a disservice to this country!”

Me: “Sir, please stop cursing.”

Customer: “What? No, f*** you! Okay, what happens when I get the label?”

(I explain to him how to attach the label to the box and send the unit in.)

Customer: “No! That’s bull-s***! I have to do all this work, just to get a d*** piece of s*** unit that works! Your company is terrible and—”

Me: “Sir, if you do not calm down, I will hang up the phone.”

Customer: “What? Hang up? Fine! Hang up on me!” *hangs up*

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