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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Personal Caller

    | Maryland, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. My name is [name]. How can I help you today?”

    Elderly Customer: “Are you a person? A real live person?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I certainly am.”

    Elderly Customer: “I got a person! I GOT A PERSON! Oh my goodness, I got a real person!”

    This Call Has Been Terminated

    | Wisconsin, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I assist you?”

    Caller: “Well, first of all, you can get a real life person on the line.”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Sir, I can assure you, I am an actual person.”

    Caller: “No, no, no! Don’t play that crap with me. I know how advanced you machines are getting these days. You–”

    Me: “Sir, I promise you, I am not a machine.”

    Caller: “See! You couldn’t even tell the right place to start talking! That, and that pause before you responded is all I needed to hear to know for sure. Yeah, that’s right! I know how to read you things. What do you have to say to that, you worthless box of microchips?”

    Me: *long pause* “Beep?”

    Pass(word) The Buck

    | Missoula, MT, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    Customer: “I hear you are the go-to girl for computer problems.”

    Me: “Yes, I am.” (I scoot over to the computer.) “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “I can’t remember my password.”

    Me: “I don’t know your password.”

    Customer: “So they lied when they told me you knew everything about the computers?”

    Upgrading Faster Than A Fox In A Fire

    | North Carolina, USA | Technology

    (I’m working with a caller on a bug they’ve found on our website.)

    Me: "Okay, I need to know what Internet browser you’re working on. Internet Explorer? Firefox?"

    Caller: "I’m using Firefox."

    Me: "Great, now do you know what version of Firefox you’re using?"

    Caller: "Yes, I’m using version 12" *note: the highest version of Firefox is currently 3.6*

    Me: *jokingly* "Firefox 12? That must mean you’re from the future! Wow! What’s the new Firefox like? In my time, we only have version 3.6."

    Caller: "It’s pretty nice, I guess."

    Me: *still jokingly* "Do you have hover-cars yet?"

    Caller: "Um…"

    Me: "Sorry, that was a joke. What I want you to do is email me a screen capture of the bug you’re experiencing, as well as of the specific version of Firefox you’re using. I can give you instructions on how to do so."

    (30 minutes later I receive an email with the screen captures. Turns out she was using Internet Explorer 7.)

    Acting Rashly Can Leave You Pooped

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m work as a technical support agent for a satellite TV company. I get a call where I hear a baby screaming in the background.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling Technical Support. How are you doing this evening?”

    Customer: “Hello? Yes? I need to speak to someone in the technical department.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, this is the technical department, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’m babysitting for a woman, and she has a one year old. I’ve never actually babysat a baby before, and I can’t figure out how to get the diaper off so I can change him! These things have some sort of electronic lock or something on them right so the baby can’t take them off?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is customer support for satellite television, not a child care line.”

    Customer: “But you are a technical guy right?! You should be able to help me out! Is there somewhere I can put a code in or something? Come on!”

    Me: “Ma’am, again I apologize, but this is a technical support line for satellite television. I really can’t help you.”

    Customer: “Please, I’m begging you! I want to get paid for this job! if I don’t change his diaper and he gets a rash or something, I’m going to be in big trouble!”

    Me: “Have you tried peeling back the two little tapes on the front of the diaper?”

    (I hear the customer pause for a second, and then I hear the tell tale ripping noise of the diaper tapes being peeled away.)

    Customer: “Wow! You’re a genius! It came right off! Did you press a little button or something on your end?”


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