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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    So Good It’s Not Even There, Part 2

    | Essex, UK | Technology

    Customer: “I need a printer cable.”

    Me: “Just a regular power cable?”

    Customer: “No, not one of those. One to go from my printer to my laptop.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a USB cable?”

    Customer: “Yeah, a USB cable, that’s it. That is wireless, yeah?”

    Related:
    So Good It’s Not Even There

    Not Your Only Loose Connection

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Technology

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [company]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “My internet’s not working.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help–”

    Customer: “It’s your f***ing network!”

    Me: “Okay, I can see your frustra–”

    Customer: “[Company] is a piece of s***!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re both people and I’d respect it if you treat me like one.”

    Customer: *sigh* “Fix it.”

    Me: “Your ethernet cord is unplugged.”

    (The customer notices this and plugs in ethernet cord.)

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry.”

    Try Not To Catch A Code

    | Claremont, NH, USA | Technology

    Me: “Hi, this is [computer repair]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, I think there’s a problem with my computer. I was online and lots of windows starting popping up. Then, it locked up and I couldn’t do anything.”

    Me: “That sounds like it has a virus. Just don’t touch it. Bring it in, and we’ll take a look at it, okay?”

    Customer: “Oh no! I’ll be down shortly.”

    (About thirty minutes later, a woman comes in with a disgusted and terrified look on her face. She is carrying her computer in a black trash bag.)

    Customer: *hands me bag with outstretched hands* “Here, take it!”

    Me: “Why is it in a black trash bag?”

    Customer: “I didn’t want to catch the virus!”

    Internet Disaster Preparedness

    , | England, UK | Technology

    (Line activations for Internet service can take up until midnight of the activation date. I am explaining this to the customer and helping him get the software installed on his PC in the meantime.)

    Customer: “So, what kind of things can go wrong?”

    Me: “Well, a number of things. Most of them are relatively simple to sort out and we should be able to talk it through.”

    Customer: “If it doesn’t work after midnight, if something goes wrong, what would I need to do?”

    Me: “Okay, well, we’re open 24 hours, so even if its one minute past midnight, give us a call back and we can do some troubleshooting.”

    Customer: “Send out an engineer. I don’t want some f***ing technically untrained idiot in call center messing around. I want an actual technician sent out.”

    Me: “I assure you, our call center staff are the first line of troubleshooting and can resolve the problem over the phone most of the time.”

    Customer: “Just send me out a f***ing engineer now. I know someone in a call centre wont be able to resolve my fault.”

    Me: “So, what exactly is the problem?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It hasn’t happened yet!”

    This Domain Is Not In Your Dominion

    | Boston, MA, USA | Technology

    (The company I work for is in the business of hosting websites. I receive a call from a customer who is having trouble logging into his control panel.)

    Customer: “I can’t login to my website.”

    Me: “What’s your domain name?”

    Customer: “[username]@yahoo.com.”

    Me: “That sounds like an email address to me, not a domain.”

    Customer: “That’s my dominion.”

    Me: “Your domain name should be something like www.[sitename].com.”

    Customer: “Right, it’s [username]@yahoo.com.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s not a domain name.”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s my dominion!”

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