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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Spelling Gone Rogue

    | North Carolina, USA | Funny Names, Technology

    Caller: “I have a question about my account.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help! What email address do you use to log in?”

    Caller: “It’s rogue@[email host].com.”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I can’t seem to find that email in the system. To confirm, let me spell out the full address: r-o-g-u-e@[email host].com?”

    Caller: “No, it’s *****r-o-u-g-e!”

    Me: “Oh, “rouge” like the makeup. The word “rogue” is spelled r-o-g-u-e.”

    Caller: “That’s not how “rogue” is spelled! I can’t believe how stupid your customer service is!”

    Me: “If you want to be sure, you can check a dictionary for the correct spelling.”

    Caller: “Fine, I will! I’m going to search dictionary.com right now!”

    (A minute passes as he searches.)

    Caller: “F***! I’ve been using this email for years! I can’t believe my guild members never pointed this out to me!” *hangs up*

    The Router To Success, Part 2

    | Chicago, Il, USA | Technology

    Me: “Good morning, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I cant seem to connect to the server.”

    Me: “No problem, I have to ask if you’re able to see if all the cables are connected properly and the computer is functioning properly.”

    Customer: “Are you trying to imply that I am stupid? That I can’t tell if something isn’t plugged in? I don’t want to talk to you! I want to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Sir I am in fact the manager, and I meant no disrespect. This is step one in our problem solving protocol.”

    Customer: “So will you come here and fix my problem?”

    Me: “I have noticed that you have not signed or returned your service agreement and I will be forced to charge you $100 for an onsite repair.”

    Customer: “That’s fine, it must be broken. Get here as soon as you can.”

    (Two hours of driving in traffic later…)

    Me: “Sir, I have found your problem.”

    Customer: “Oh, and what do you have to repair?”

    Me: “Nothing, your router was unplugged.”

    Related:
    The Router To Success

    Likely Not A Fan Of Spell Checking

    | Brisbane, Australia | Religion, Technology

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”

    Me: “Oh really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”

    Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”

    Me: “Witchcraft?”

    Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process, it makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your make believe hull-a-b-loo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”

    Me: “Sure ma’am, this way.”

    Personal Caller

    | Maryland, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. My name is [name]. How can I help you today?”

    Elderly Customer: “Are you a person? A real live person?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I certainly am.”

    Elderly Customer: “I got a person! I GOT A PERSON! Oh my goodness, I got a real person!”

    This Call Has Been Terminated

    | Wisconsin, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I assist you?”

    Caller: “Well, first of all, you can get a real life person on the line.”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Sir, I can assure you, I am an actual person.”

    Caller: “No, no, no! Don’t play that crap with me. I know how advanced you machines are getting these days. You–”

    Me: “Sir, I promise you, I am not a machine.”

    Caller: “See! You couldn’t even tell the right place to start talking! That, and that pause before you responded is all I needed to hear to know for sure. Yeah, that’s right! I know how to read you things. What do you have to say to that, you worthless box of microchips?”

    Me: *long pause* “Beep?”


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