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  • Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Forget-PC-Not

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

    (I’m working as operator for a computer repair shop.)

    Customer: “I’d like to check on the status of my repair, please.”

    (I look her up in our system and her computer has been ready for 48 days.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your computer has been ready for 48 days.”

    Customer: “I know! I forgot all about it. Today, my daughter asked about the computer. I was all, ‘What computer?’”

    Me: “Well, if you could pick it up before the 21st, that would be great. Otherwise, we have to recycle it.”

    Customer: “Don’t do that! I need my computer!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am. Today’s the 8th. You have some time.”

    Customer: “But what if I forget?”

    Me: “Please don’t!”

    The Cannabis Chronicles

    | Hilo, HI, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    Customer: “I need an auxiliary cable and a USB cord.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem.”

    (I take the customer to where the USB cords are and hand him the one he wants. He puts it under his arm and we continue over to where the aux cables are.)

    Me: “All right, and here’s your cable. Is there anything else that I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need a USB cord.”

    Me: “Like the one under your arm?”

    (The customer looks down and seems shocked to be holding the cord.)

    Customer: “Woah! Must be all that weed I smoke!”

    The Notified And The (Not)ified, Part 2

    , | Northwest England, UK | Technology

    (I work for a broadband provider that has a package for 10GB in usage. This is normally for those who use the internet very little. If you hit 7GB, we will send you an e-mail to let you know. If you go over the 10GB, we will e-mail you and advise you to move up in packages to avoid being charged for going over.)

    Me: “Hello, you’re through to [name] at [ISP]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *angrily* “You’d better help! I’ve just seen one of my bills and it says you are charging me for going over my broadband usage.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, sorry to hear about that. Let me just have a look into this…”

    (I check his broadband usage and he has used about 70GB. He has an average usage of 60GB for the last 12 months.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I can see that there has been a lot of high usage for the last year. If you move to an unlimited pack, you wont be charged for going over this month.”

    Customer: “The last year? I better not have been charged for that.”

    Me: “I’m afraid you have been, sir. We have sent you many e-mails to let you know when you got near and went over the usage.”

    (He has been sent so many e-mails, the first 20 are not even shown on the list.)

    Customer: “Bull***t! I check my e-mails 10 times a day and not once have you ever e-mailed me!”

    Me: “Sir, we have sent the e-mails to [e-mail address].”

    Customer: “I don’t use that e-mail address anymore, so of course I didn’t get them!”

    Me: “Did you ever update your e-mail with us so we can send them to the correct e-mail?”

    Customer: “No, but you should have checked if I have opened them or not. You should have let me know that I was near my usage limit in the post!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but [ISP] wouldn’t know you have swapped your e-mail unless you inform us. In regard to letting you know by post, it takes 5 working days for a letter to be sent out, sir. In that time, you would have gone over the 10GB and still would have been charged. Also, you are on monthly paper billing, so we have actually informed you via post every month on your bill.”

    Customer: *very angrily* “Well, I don’t open my bills! Just by chance, my wife opened this one and showed me these charges!”

    Me: “I sorry, sir, but like your e-mails, we don’t know if you have been opening your mail or not. So, we have informed you via post and e-mail but you have not opened either. What else would you have us do?”

    Customer: “Well! Have you ever thought about telling me over the phone?”

    Me: “I am doing that now, sir—”

    Customer: “Well, it ain’t good enough!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    The Notified And The (Not)ified

    Might We Suggest Anti-Virus Protection

    | Melbourne, Australia | Technology

    Customer: “My TV has a USB port and the manual says I need something to plug into it to be able to record. A HDD, or SSD, or an STD or something.”

    Me: “Oh, a hard drive! Sure, let me show you where they are.”

    (I show the customer to the hard drives and we discuss how much space he needs.)

    Customer: “So, should I get the 320GB or the 750GB STD?”

    Me: “Uh, well it depends on how much you think you’ll be recording.”

    Customer: “Well, at this price, I’ll just get the cheaper one. Then, if it fills up, I can get more. My family can swap STDs whenever they need to, then!”

    That’s (Not) One Smart Cookie

    , | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Technology, Top

    (I work at a university library and we sometimes get calls about our online databases not working. 90% of the time, it’s due to cookies not being enabled.)

    Me: “[Library], this is [name], how can I help you?”

    Patron: “Yeah, hi, I can’t get [database] to work.”

    Me: “All right, do you know if you have cookies enabled?”

    Patron: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, open the internet and click on—”

    (I proceed to walk her through enabling cookies. After each step, I wait for the confirming “okay” from her.)

    Me: “…and that’s it! Does the page work now?”

    Patron: “No.”

    Me: “Did you enable the cookies?”

    Patron: “No, but I did close the internet! It should work when I open it again, right?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We need to apply a setting.”

    (I proceed to explain the process a second time, this time asking if she completed the step after each one.)

    Me: “Okay, try to open the page again. Does it work?”

    Patron: “No.”

    Me: “Did you allow the cookies?”

    Patron: “No. I closed everything.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, please click—”

    Patron: “This is frustrating! It should work if I restart the internet. I need [database] for class. Why won’t it work?”

    Me: “As I’ve already said, you need to enable cookies.”

    (We go through this process a third time.)

    Patron: “I can’t do this. I need to speak to someone else. I don’t want to talk to you anymore!”

    Me: “All right, ma’am, the librarian is right here. I hope she can help. Have a nice day.”

    (I happily give the phone over to my boss, who at this point is giving me the “I will kill you for making me talk to this person” glare.)

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