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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    We Call Them Magic Voice Boxes

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Technology

    (A customer comes in to return a phone she bought in June. Our store has a strict 30 day return policy on electronics and it is now September. I explain this to the customer and she leaves, only to return a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “You said it was 30 days for electronics, but this is a phone.”

    Me: “A phone is an electronic device.”

    Customer: “Really? I didn’t know that.”

    Me: “The policy is actually for all items from the electronics department. Even a TV stand would have a 30 day return period.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.” *walks away shaking head* “I didn’t know phones were electronic.”

    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2

    | Missouri, USA | Technology

    (I work at a call center geared toward internet and television technical support.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “My service is out. It’s been out all day!”

    Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Is this your TV or internet service?”

    Customer: “TV or what?”

    Me: *slower* “Is this your TV or internet service?”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “What’s what?”

    Customer: “That second thing you said. What’s that?”

    Me: “The internet.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I don’t know what that is.”

    Me: “Um, sir, it’s connected to computers.”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that thing is, but I don’t got no computer.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind of TV service do you have, then?”

    (Thankfully, everything goes smoothly once we get off the topic of computers and internet.)

    Related:
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

    An Electrifying Confection

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Technology

    (This happens while I’m setting up a new prepaid phone with a cute little lady.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. Go ahead and press the phone’s power button and let me know when it has powered up.”

    Customer: “The power? What is power?”

    Me: “It’s the button you normally hang calls up with. Looks like a little red telephone.”

    Customer: “Ah, I see!”

    (A few minutes pass in silence.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are you having trouble turning the phone on?”

    Customer: “Yes. It doesn’t work. There’s no light.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Check and make sure the battery is pushed in all the way on the back.”

    Customer: “Battery? What battery?”

    Me: “It came with the phone, in the package. It’s small, black, and has 3 little metal contacts on one end. You need to put it inside the back part of your phone.”

    Customer: “I don’t see a battery. There isn’t one in the phone, and there isn’t one in the package, either.”

    Me: “You don’t see it? It should have been packaged in a separate little baggie–”

    Customer: “OH! That! That’s in my candy dish!”

    Me: “Your candy dish?”

    Customer: “Yeah! I saw it on table and thought it was a piece of chocolate!”

    A Mother’s Gift

    | Provo, UT, USA | Technology

    Me: “Okay, before I reset your password, I just need you to verify your identity for me. Please respond to the security question that you set up when you made your account.”

    User: “Okay, what is it?”

    Me: “It looks like your security question is…’Show me what yo’ mamma gave you!’”

    User: *raucous laughter*

    (We laugh about it together for a good minute. The sound is so loud it draws the attention of my coworkers. He then admits that he remembers entering that security question, but has no idea what he put as the answer — which was simply his name.)

    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

    | Utah, USA | Technology

    Caller: “My Outlook isn’t working anymore. When I put my password in, it doesn’t log me in.”

    Me: “Are you able to access your email using web-access for our email system?”

    Caller: “What’s that?”

    (This is forgivable. Oftentimes, professors don’t know that they can access their work email using a website as well.)

    Me: “Okay, well, if you just go to [site.domain.edu] and enter your credentials–”

    Caller: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s the URL of the web access client. Just open your internet browser and type it in–”

    Caller: “What’s an internet browser?”

    Me: “It’s the program you use to access the internet.”

    Caller: “What’s the internet?”

    Me: *speechless*

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