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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Soap And Awe

    | Oklahoma, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    (The customer was having trouble accessing his e-mail. I am walking through the steps.)

    Me: “Now, if you could just type in the address bar—”

    Caller: “Oh, you’ll have to give me a minute. I’ve only got one arm. I was in the war.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s okay. Take your time. I actually had a cousin that just got back from Afghanistan. He had lost both of his legs. I couldn’t imagine.”

    Caller: “Actually, I didn’t lose my arm in the war. I lost it in the shower.”

    Me: *in shock*

    Technical Take Backsies

    , | SK, Canada | Technology

    (I’m a service coordinator for a cellphone provider and I receive a phone call from a customer wanting help setting up his email.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’m into the email setup, but now, it’s asking for an email address and password. What email do I use?”

    Me: “Whichever email you want coming to the phone.”

    Customer: “I want my work email.”

    Me: “Then, enter your work email address and password.”

    Customer: “What is my password?”

    Me: “I don’t know your password, sir. Only you should know that.”

    Customer: “I don’t know it. Where can I get it?”

    Me: “It will be the same password you enter when checking your email at work.”

    Customer: “You mean [password]?”

    Me: “Um, yes, enter that. For future reference, you shouldn’t give out your password to people.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “That is how your email is secured so that others cannot access it. Someone who knows it could log into your email and send false emails or delete your emails on you.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t want that. Give it back!”

    Me: “Give what back?”

    Customer: “My password! I don’t want you logging into my email!”

    Me: “I’m not sure what you’re asking, sir. You verbally spoke your password. I cannot give it back.”

    Customer: “Well, this is just great. Now the whole world can access my email!”

    Me: “I assure you, sir, that nothing will happen. We honor customer security and nobody will know your password.”

    Customer: “But you know it.”

    Me: “Yes, because you told me. However, I will not do anything with it. As I said, we honor customer security and all information is confidential. You have nothing to worry about.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Did you manage to finish the setup?”

    Customer: “What setup?”

    Me: “You were setting up your email, did it go through?”

    Customer: “It’s still asking for a password.”

    Me: “Enter the password you said before and click ‘OK’. You should get a prompt saying it was successfully setup.”

    Customer: “You mean [password]?”

    Me: “Yes, enter that.”

    Customer: “Okay, it says it was successful.”

    Me: “You should start getting email now. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “So, can you keep my password in case I need it again?”

    E.T. No Phone Home

    | Australia | Technology

    (I was working in the call center of a telco, troubleshooting and resolving faults in mobile phone handsets and modems.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to return a faulty modem.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with the modem?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t contact the mothership.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “This modem. It’s faulty. I cannot contact the mothership with it!”

    Me: “Um, [company] has never offered nor guaranteed intergalactic coverage.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll just take it back to the shop.” *hangs up*

    Listening Is Believing

    | Michigan, USA | Technology

    (At the store where I work, we have a rewards program. If customers spend a certain amount of money, they get to go online and print off a coupon that takes money off of their order. One day, I am working the register and this happens.)

    Caller: “I can’t print off this coupon. It won’t let me log on to my account!”

    Me: “Do you have the right email/password?”

    Caller: “I do. This is the password to my email address!”

    Me: “It’s different than your email’s password. This is a completely different site, and is different than checking your email.”

    Caller: “It won’t work! Make it work! This is so stupid! Fix it!”

    Me: “Does it give you an option to change your password?”

    Caller: “No! Make it work!”

    Me: “Try changing your password—”

    Caller: “That won’t work! I know the password to my email address!”

    Me: “If you change it, you should be able to get in.”

    Caller: “This is ridiculous!”

    (She finally agrees to try and change password, and clicks the link.)

    Caller: “Oh! That worked…”

    Don’t Forget To Stock Up On Salmon Cartridges

    | Hagerstown, MD, USA | Technology

    (A customer is sent back to my department to find ink for her printer.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Do you need black or color?”

    Customer: “I need cayenne.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know which color you mean. We have cyan; that’s a light blue.”

    Customer: “No, I need cayenne. You know, like a peppery red.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t believe we have that color.”

    (The customer bends over to get a closer look at the ink.)

    Customer: “Hmmm, margarine.” *looking at the magenta* “Yellow…I don’t see cayenne.”

    Me: “Are you sure you don’t mean cyan? It kinda sounds like cayenne.”

    Customer: “No, I need red. My printer is out of red. Why wouldn’t you carry red ink?!” *walks out of the store before I can explain further*

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