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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    And The Picture Becomes Clear

    , | Paris, France | Technology

    (The customer arrives very angry at my desk. He nervously holds a memory card in his hand.)

    Customer: “I want a new memory card. This one is really bad!”

    Me: “What troubles do you have with this one?”

    Customer: “It only makes blurry pictures!”

    Me: “Well, I guess the problem might be the camera, not the memory card.”

    Customer: “Oh, and do you have memory cards in black & white?”

    Me: “Or it could be the photographer…”

    Four, Five, And Whatever Comes After Six

    | West Byfleet, UK | Technology

    (I’ve been hired by a software company to phone up their customers and get feedback on their help desk service.)

    Me: “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being ‘poor’ and 10 being ‘excellent’, how would you rate the overall service of the help desk?”

    Customer: “Phew…I’m not sure. I mean, it’s really good.”

    Me: “I understand it’s a tricky question, but if you had to put a number to it?”

    Customer: “Well, I mean, it’s sort of in between a 8 and a 10, really.”

    Me: “So, a 9?”

    Customer: “Well, I suppose so.”

    The Beginning Of The End

    | Illinois, USA | Technology

    (I’ve been helping a caller with programming their phone. We are nearing the end of this lengthy, multi-step process.)

    Me: “Now, you’re going to enter your number with the area code.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me:“After you enter your number, select OK.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “At this point, you can keep selecting OK until you see EXIT.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “After you press EXIT, the phone is going to power off by itself.”

    Customer: “But it’s been off the whole time.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim, Part 3

    | Amsterdam, Netherlands | Technology

    Me: “…and may I have the serial number of your [brand] product please?”

    Customer: “Well, you know, in winter it’s very dark here in Norway, so I can’t read the serial number.”

    Me: “I’m sure you can turn on the light for a moment, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah, that’s right…”

    Related:
    Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim

    It Keeps Saying Error

    | Eau Claire, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a cell phone store. From time to time, we have to fix phones for people. Today, an elderly woman is asking me to look at her phone.)

    Customer: “There is something wrong with my phone. Could you fix it for me?”

    Me: “Sure, what’s it doing?”

    Customer: “Well, it won’t make any phone calls.”

    Me: “No problem. Can I see your phone for a moment?”

    (The customer digs through her purse, pulls out a calculator, and hands it to me.)

    Customer: “See, I punch in a phone number and nothing happens.”

    Me: “Erm, did you grab this by mistake? This is a calculator, not a cell phone.” *hands back the calculator*

    (The customer takes the calculator back, looks at it, then looks at me blankly before walking away.)

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