October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2

| Flemington, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am a cashier at a retail store, keeping an eye on the self-checkout area. I am not supposed to ring up customers on the machines, only assist whenever there’s a problem. A woman comes up to me with a few items.)

Customer: “Hi, you need to ring me up.”

Me: “This is the self-checkout. The ladies over there would be happy to take you if you don’t want to use the machines.”

Customer: “This is self-checkout?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, I hate these self-check things. Can’t you just ring me up at that register there?”

(She points at a computer monitor, lying on the floor near the garbage cans, with a large crack easily visible across the screen. I think she’s joking but realize she’s serious.)

Me: “Um. No, I can’t, sorry. If you don’t want to use the self-checkout, the cashiers right behind us can—”

Customer: “Why can’t you ring me up at that register?!”

Me: “Well, because that’s not a register, ma’am.”

Customer: “You don’t call that thing over there a register?”

Me: “Nope, I call that a broken computer monitor.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Lack of Register Does Not Register

Future Technology

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Technology

Me: “Hi, my name is [name]; thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m calling because my internet is, uh, working… again. Huh.”

Me: “Well, I am prescient. I do usually try fix the problems before people call, but I am running behind today.”

Customer: “Dude, that’s awesome. Keep it up.”

(Later, we get an email about how “the tech who can see the future” should get a raise.)

So Slow It Hertz, Part 2

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

(I’m working box office today, and it’s been a really long, busy day. After so many hours, the registers sometimes lag a bit during transactions. We’re finally slowing down a bit, and the lines are pretty much gone.)

Me: “Alright, so you wanted two tickets for Silver Linings Playbook?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I hit the buttons for her tickets, but the computer freezes up a bit.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. My computer is being slow right now.”

Customer: *gasps* “You take that back!”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Everyone knows ‘slow’ is not politically correct! Your computer is ‘mentally impaired’!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a computer…”

Customer: “And I suppose next you’ll say it’s retarded?! You people are so insensitive; it makes me sick!”

(I’m speechless, so I hand her the tickets as quickly as possible.)

Me: “E-enjoy your show.”

(She takes the tickets and shakes her head, glaring at me, before walking away. The next customer comes up to me.)

Customer #2: “What the heck was she going on about?”

Me: “I don’t know, but apparently my computer is mentally impaired and not slow.”

So Slow It Hertz

Time And Relative Dimensions In Cyberspace

| London, England, UK | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(Part of my job involves managing the helpdesk for an online research panel. Because the panel is made of just two daily surveys, panelists receive a survey reminder every morning. I take a call from a panelist.)

Panelist: “You’re sending me too many emails! I’m getting two every morning!”

Me: “Alright, it sounds like you may have registered with us twice. Could I take your email address?”

(I look the panelist up by his email, and find that he has indeed registered again. This isn’t normally possible, because the system checks against name, email and address. I do notice one thing, though…)

Me: “Alright, looking at our system, I can see two accounts to your name. The reason you were able to register again is because your address doesn’t quite match between both accounts.”

Panelist: “Well how’s that possible? I haven’t moved anywhere!”

Me: “Well, on one account you put your address down as THE TARDIS.”

Taking Account Of The Nice Attitude

| FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

(I have some problems with my cell phone bill being charged almost double what it is supposed to be.)

Me: “Okay, my account number is [number], and it says I’ve paid everything off!”

Customer Service #1: “Uh, no ma’am. That account was closed.”

Me: “What? When!”

Customer Service #1: “On the 13th. It says right here. Now, you owe $300 for account number [different number]. Honestly, you can see this all online.”

Me: “Um, no I can’t. I can see the info for account number [first number], but I don’t have an account with [second number].”

Customer Service #1: “Oh, you can’t see it? Let me transfer you to someone that can help with the website.”

Me: “What? No! Don’t transfer me!”

(She transfers me before I finish talking. At this point I am extremely annoyed. When the next person comes on the line, I am more than a little rude.)

Me: “Okay, here is what is going on…”

(I explain the whole long process.)

Me: “Now, why is there a different account number there, than what I have?”

Customer Service #2: “Okay, I see here that you put in a transfer of ownership, yes?”

Me: “Yes, it was my brother’s, and now it’s mine.”

Customer Service #2: “See, that’s why. Since you transferred it to your name, we had to cancel the old account and create a new one. The contracts transferred as is.”

Me: “Oh, that makes sense. I wish someone had told me that would happen, though. But why is it so high?”

Customer Service #2: “Let me see, huh. With your plan and discount, it should only come out to be about half of what you’re being charged. That is weird. Oh, here it is. For some reason it charged you for last month as well, but you paid that off on the other account, right? It shows a zero balance to me.”

Me: “Yes, I paid off last month, and that month was higher because I got a new phone.”

Customer Service #2: “Let me talk to my supervisor, and see if we can fix this issue for you.”

(I am put on hold for a few minutes.)

Customer Service #2: “Good news! My supervisor okay-ed me to remove the excess charges. Your new total comes out be $200. The reason it’s still a little high is because of the transfer of ownership fee, and your late fees for not paying on time.”

Me: “Thanks, but is there anyway you can remove the late fees? I’ve always used the automatic payments, and didn’t know I’d have to link to a new account.”

Customer Service #2: “Okay, since you were not notified you would have to make payments to this new account, and it shows here you have never been late with your payment before, I can waive those too.”

Me: “Oh, my God. Thank you so much.”

Customer Service #2: *a little surprised* “Uh, no problem, ma’am. I’m here to help.”

Me: “No, seriously, I know I was very rude and short with you before, and you’ve been nothing but patient with me.”

Customer Service #2: “Uh, you are very welcome, ma’am. Um, is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “I think that’s everything, but thanks again so much for helping me out.”

Customer Service #2: “You’re welcome, and have a nice day.”

(I think she forgot to disconnect the call at the right time, because I hear this right after:)

Customer Service #2: “Hey! The lady I just got apologized for being rude to me earlier, and thanked me for helping her!”

Customer Service #2’s Colleague: “Really? That’s never happened to me!”

Customer Service #2: “I know right?”

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