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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    This Stuff Shouldn’t Phase(r) You Any More

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (In our store we order our products by scanning the shelf labels with a device that shoots a laser to read the barcode. I’m in the refrigerated juice section of the store and have just scanned a label when a middle-aged customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Did you just do what I think you did?”

    Me: “I’m just ordering something.”

    Customer: *wide-eyed* “Did you just taser that orange juice?”

    (I look at the scanner in my hand.)

    Me: “Um, if you mean I scanned it, then, I guess so.”

    Customer: “Well, it looks like it’s not moving so it must have worked. Great job!”

    (After the customer happily wanders away my coworker, who saw the whole thing, comes up to me)

    Coworker: “Maybe you should set it to ‘stun’ next time.”

    Social Insecurity, Part 3

    | NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m one of the owners of a rental company. I had just finished setting up the unit, going over the rental agreement with the customer, and swiping his credit card on my phone.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, would you like us to email you a receipt?”

    Customer: “I really don’t like giving out my email address.”

    Me: “…I just ran your credit card on my phone.”

    Related:
    Social Insecurity, Part 2
    Social Insecurity

    Common Sense Has Folded

    | Wilsonville, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Where are all my old emails? I had them in the deleted items box so I could refer to them.”

    Me: “They were removed from the deleted items box because they were deleted and you no longer wanted them.”

    Customer: “I store them there so I only have to push a button to get them filed. Also so I can find out who contacted me previously about a construction contract I have in case I get sued.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. They were in the deleted items box and they were deleted to help ease the migration from POP to IMAP.”

    Customer: “Can you restore all my emails?”

    Me: “With your backup I can put them in a folder.”

    Customer: “What’s a folder?”

    Me: “It’s a place to put email you want to save, manually.”

    Customer: “That seems like a lot of extra work. Why can’t I just push a button?”

    Take A Swipe At Reading

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The card reader in my store is a little different, in that it asks you to select credit or debit before you swipe. It is much more intuitive than most, and the machine gives very explicit instructions, but it still trips people up. The following happens at least 10 times a day.)

    Me: “Your total is [total]. Go ahead and select credit or debit on the screen first, and then swipe.”

    Customer: “Credit.” *swipes card*

    Me: “You’ll need to hit the credit button first, and then you can swipe.”

    Customer: *swipes card*

    Me: “Ma’am, if you’re using credit, you’ll need to hit the blue button on the screen. After you do that, you can swipe your card.”

    Customer: *hits button on screen*

    (Screen now reads, in large letters, PLEASE SWIPE CARD.)

    Customer: *stares blankly at screen*

    Me: “Ma’am… swipe your card now.”

    Customer: *swipes card* “Why is it asking for a PIN? This doesn’t have a PIN, it’s a credit card! Why doesn’t your machine work?!”

    Me: “It’s asking for a PIN, because you hit the green debit button instead of the blue credit button. Hit CANCEL, and we can start this again…”

    You Shall Not Pass(word)

    , | MB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I’m not getting my emails on my phone.”

    Me: “Okay, your email isn’t syncing because you haven’t typed your password in.”

    Customer: “What’s my password?!”

    Me: “I don’t know sir; it would be whatever you originally chose for a password.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t remember. Why don’t you know it?!”

    Me: “That would negate the purpose of a password, sir. You don’t WANT me to know your password. Your email accounts have nothing to do with [Company].”

    Customer: “AND YOU CALL YOURSELF CUSTOMER SERVICE?!” *storms out*

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