• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Bowl Me Over With Lies

    | IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (This is an upscale bowling alley that allows you to make lane reservations. This is probably only my second or third day working there.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Bowling Alley]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Can I make a reservation?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, but I’m afraid we only allow online reservations.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s just our policy.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just make an exception since I already called you?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not. We aren’t allowed to manually enter reservations into our computers. But you can go to our website and set one up there. Would you like me to help you with that?”

    Customer: *says this in a completely serious tone* “Well, it just so happens that ALL of my fingers are broken! So now what?”

    Me: *completely without thinking* “How are you going to bowl?!”

    Customer: “Never mind.” *click*

    Doubly Invalid

    | Italy | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (We develop a software that controls the validity of lists of data against European Community databases. A prospective client calls to gather information.)

    Client: “Yes, I’ve been told about your program and I’d be interested in buying it. Just a question, though.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Client: “We have a very large amount of data to check so I’d really like to make these controls only for the invalid data.”

    Me: “Well, the program offers a report with a summary of the controls, and you can also use the built-in filter to extract only the ones that didn’t check out.”

    Client: “Okay, but how do I know which one will not check out?”

    Me: “…Well, you load the data in the program and it will give you the results.”

    Client: “But I have a lot of data! It will take too long! I only want to run the control for the data that will result incorrect!”

    Me: “…You want to know the results BEFORE running the program?”

    Client: “Yes!”

    Me: “So you can take the wrong data and process it again so it can tell you once more that it’s wrong?”

    Client: “Yes!”

    Me: “…”

    Wireless, Clueless And Hopeless, Part 16

    | NM, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “You will need to be connected to Wi-Fi in order for this to work properly.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’m connected. What next?”

    Me: “Once connected, you will need to go to the settings options and click on ‘Back Up’ now.”

    Customer: “Okay, I pressed it and now I see a progress bar at the bottom.”

    Me: “That’s great! That means it is backing up. Please let me know once it is done.”

    (15 minutes later:)

    Customer: “Sorry it is taking so long. It seems to be stuck in the middle.”

    Me: “It’s fine! It can take a while sometimes.”

    Customer: “Should I be connect to Wi-Fi for this?”

    Me: “Yes, I had mentioned at the very beginning that you would need to be connected to Wi-Fi for this to work correctly. Do you know if you have it on?”

    Customer: “Not sure how to turn it on.”

    (I instruct the customer on how to turn it on.)

    Me: “Do you see the name of your home Wi-Fi Network listed?”

    Customer: “How do I know what the name of my network is?”

    Me: “You would need to contact your Internet Service provider for that information.”

    Customer: “Will they be able to tell me if I have Wi-Fi?”

    (I’m literally about to lose my s*** at this point.)

    Me: “So you are not even sure if you have Wi-Fi?”

    Customer: “No… I’m sorry, but I’m not very tech savvy…”

    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 15
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13

    No Mower, Mow Problems

    | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Money, Technology

    (At our equipment rental store we also do repairs on lawn equipment. Each spring, we get slammed when people can’t get their mowers started for that first cut. It’s strictly first come, first served, and customers are told what the approximate wait will be and that we’ll call them when the job is done. I am working in the back area where rental items are returned and fix mowers were kept when a well-dressed man in a very expensive car drove up.)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up my mower!”

    Me: “Sure, what name was it under?”

    Customer: “It’s [Name], and I can see my mower right there.”

    Me: “Sure, just let me get the work order on that.”

    (I go to the ‘Done’ folder but there’s no work order. I double check the name and number on the tag on the mower, but still can’t find it.)

    Me: “Did you get a call saying the mower was done?”

    Customer: “No, but you’ve had long enough. I’m a doctor and my time is very important!”

    (I check in the shop and find the work order in the mechanic’s “Done” pile, but he hasn’t had time to complete it with parts, prices etc. I return to the customer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it looks like the mechanic has just done the work, but hasn’t totaled the charges on the work order yet. I’m afraid he’s on his lunch break. If you could come back later this afternoon, I’ll make sure he has that ready for you.”

    (The customer goes into a tirade about how valuable his time is, and fully expects just to be able to drop in and pick up his mower at his convenience even though he hasn’t been called that it’s ready. With dread I go to the lunchroom, where the mechanic is relaxing after already putting in six hours to keep up with the rush.)

    Me: “[Mechanic], there’s a guy to pick up his mower. It’s done, but the work order isn’t completed. He ‘insists.'”

    Mechanic: *with a sinister look* “Send him to the counter; I’ll write it up.”

    (I overhear the customer giving the mechanic a piece of his mind as the work order is written up, then load the mower into the customer’s car. Afterwards I go to apologize for interrupting the mechanic’s much-needed break.)

    Mechanic: “Don’t worry about it. The carb’ on his mower was shot, so I took one off one of the dead machines and rebuilt it. I was going to give it to him for free, but since he was such an a**hole I charged him $50 for it. The guy was actually happy that I had ‘saved’ him money.”

    Needs To Be Schooled On The Internet

    | VI, USA | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

    (I work for a school that offers online classes. A parent from Georgia calls with a very simple request:)

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I assist you today?”

    Parent: “Yes, I’m thinking of turning off the Internet up here at the house and I want to know if that’s going to affect my daughter’s online school?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I believe it might.”

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