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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    To Hang Up Would Be Poetic Justice

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working the closing shift in the electronics department, which is in charge of video games and the photo lab in addition to the actual electronics section. We’re currently running an upgrade on our photo lab’s software, and I’m expecting a call from corporate to check up on the progress of the upgrade. An outside call comes in on my phone. It’s not corporate but a male customer who sounds perfectly normal. I am also male.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, what’s the price on your Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare?”

    Me: “I can check on that for you. I think it’s $59.99, but I’ll be able to confirm that for you in just a second…”

    (As I’m walking over to the video game section, the customer begins reading me some of the most bizarre, suggestive, awful love poetry you’ve ever heard and starts making advances. I assume he wrote the poetry himself. This freaks me out, and I end the call immediately and call my team leader to let her know what had just happened.)

    Me: “Hey, if you hear that I just disconnected a call, I did. Some guy called and started reading me poetry.”

    (My team leader hears this and starts cracking up.)

    Team Leader: “What? You should’ve transferred that call to me! I would’ve had fun with the guy!”

    (‘Poetry Guy’ became an inside joke around the store. Every time I got a call from another one of my coworkers that night, they ‘read’ me poetry!)

    Data Can Be Fluid

    | NJ, USA | Spouses & Partners, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at an office supply store that also sells technology. I work in the supplies department, and get a call:)

    Me: “Office supplies, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I was wondering, do you have hard drive fluid?”

    Me: “…hard drive fluid? That’s… not a thing.”

    Customer: “Yes, it is! Do you have any?!”

    Me: “Let me transfer you to the technology department. They’ll be able to assist you.”

    (I transfer him to a coworker who comes to talk to me after.)

    Coworker: “Hard drive fluid?”

    Me: “Yeah, I have no idea.”

    Coworker: “You know that was your boyfriend, right?”

    Me: “No…”

    (That was not the first, or last, time my boyfriend called to prank the store, where he previously worked, although he never tried it on me again.)

    Parenthetically Speaking

    | Portland, OR, USA | Technology

    Caller: “I wondered if I need to dial the parenthesis around the area code when I make a phone call?”

    Me: *after paused mute to control my laughing* “Ma’am, if you can find those buttons on your phone go right ahead and push them!”

    Just Crossed The Online Line

    | NS, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *happy* “Hi there! Ugh, I ended up ordering the wrong thing online. Silly me; should have been paying more attention. Can I return this?”

    Me: “Yah! Sure, no problem. Can I get the order number from you?”

    Customer: “Of course!” *reads it off*

    Me: “Perfect. Just one second. I’m sorry; my system shut off on me. We have an online return option. Would you like me to walk you through the steps? It’s really simple. If not just give me. like. 60 seconds to bring my system back up and I would be more than happy to do the return for you.”

    Customer: “YOU WANT ME TO DO IT ONLINE?! YOU DON’T WANT TO HELP?! FINE!” *hangs-up*

    Not Linked To Reality

    | Europe | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Client: “This is not what we requested at all. This [document] looks exactly the same as we provided a week ago. The deadline is tomorrow, we need this ASAP! When can you apply the edits?”

    Me: “[Client], there seems to be a misunderstanding. I click the link and see the entirely new document. Have you checked this [link]?”

    Client: “Found it. This should have been sent sooner.”

    Me: “There were three versions sent earlier during the week to your email. Did you not receive them? Just to show, I’ve attached screenshots of the timestamps and emails sent.”

    Client: “I did not scroll down to see the emails in Gmail. Please notify us earlier if I haven’t seemed to have noticed the link in your opinion.”

    Me: “…”

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