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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Needs To Clean Out More Than The Hard Drive

    | NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work in the electronics section of a home store. I deal mostly with computers, tablets, and the like. A customer is having troubles setting up a computer after purchasing it the previous day. He needs to do a local account reset so the computer can be used like new. I tell him to come back down to the store, because it would be easier to show him how to do it. The customer in question is probably in his 80s. I am a girl in my 20s. My coworker, who is also a girl in her 20s, is standing next to me.)

    Customer: *smelling of stale cigarettes and other things* “Hi, I spoke to you on the phone about my computer.”

    Me: “Yes, of course. Go ahead and take your computer out and we will plug it in and take care of your issues. Other than the problem that you spoke to me about do you have any questions?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to download some things and it won’t let me without a password.”

    (I proceed to walk the customer through the steps of resetting the computer, adding accounts, changing passwords, and installing software. All this time I have been touching the computer and inputting the customer’s information so that we can get him out the door. He has me download one last thing and right when we are about to finish up he asks me another normal question.)

    Customer: “So, can you show me how to delete files and emails? It has been a long time and this computer is different from my other one.”

    Me: “Sure, not a problem. Do you know where your files are located in the computer?”

    Coworker: *standing next to me* “Here, they might be located in this section.”

    (She looks through the computer, but can’t seem to find anything so I resume my search.)

    Customer: “Well, they are more so movies than files….”

    (I see where this is going and I sort of freeze up.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I was watching a lot of porn last night and I can’t seem to get it off of my computer.”

    (I am now slowly removing my hands from the keyboard and suddenly realizing that it didn’t look like he had cleaned the computer before he brought it in. My coworker’s face has gone pale and she slowly walks away from the department to wash her hands. I stand there wishing I could do the same.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I was watching a lot of stuff last night and I came across some things that I don’t know if I really wanted to see and now I want you to delete them for me.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “So can you do that, too?”

    Me: “No… sir. I can’t attempt to access anything of that… er… nature. If something were to pop up unexpectedly I could be fired… or we could be sued.”

    (My coworker has come back and that point and reiterates to the customer what I just said about things of that nature.)

    Customer: “Oh… okay. I really wish you could do that for me….”

    (He proceeds to ask me to do more and more things as I just sit there stunned that he allowed me to touch his computer knowing what he had done. He refused to type in anything after that. He finally ran out of questions to ask me and started putting his computer away. As he walked away I immediately booked it to the bathroom and scoured my hands with soap and water and then proceeded to empty a bottle of hand sanitizer on them. I then walk to tell my manager what happened, so that I could ask him what I should do if that situation ever occurred again.)

    Manager: “The next time that happens, tell him you can’t help him because his computer is now classified as a biohazard.”

    Maybe He Was Looking For A Raspberry Pi

    | ME, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I own my own little computer repair shop, and lease it in a building next door to a restaurant. Though it is rare, I do sometimes get people who come into my shop by mistake looking for the restaurant because it offers to order out its food, and often this problem is resolved by me giving them directions to next door. My shop is very much so obviously a computer repair shop with only a desk to drop of your computer and a few displays with replacement parts. I am behind the drop off desk checking which order to work on next, when a customer comes in.)

    Me: “Oh, hi there. Here to pick up an order?”

    Customer: “Yup, I had a order for Ted.”

    Me: *I look up my database and find no orders for Ted.* “Umm, is it perhaps under any other name, or last name?”

    Customer: “No, I definitely put it under Ted.”

    Me: “Hmm, well what did you get done on your system? Maybe I can find it that way?”

    Customer: “Oh I ordered a large pepperoni, well done, with some hot wings.”

    Me: “You mean, like the food?”

    Customer: “…duh! You work in a restaurant. What do you think is here?”

    Me: “No, as you can see…” *I point around my shop* “I run a small computer repair shop.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that bull-s***! I’m the husband of the owner and if you don’t get me my order I’ll have you fired!”

    (I am amused by this, because since we’ve been neighbors for a few years I know for sure the owner of the restaurant is indeed a woman, but is also a same sex couple with her partner.)

    Me: “Really now? I heard she and her husband broke up.”

    Customer: “No, we didn’t. We’re a loving man and wife. Now get me my d*** food, now!”

    Me: “Sorry. I just can’t do that. It goes against my policies.”

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager, now!”

    (I call the restaurant and ask if the owner could come over real quick. She does.)

    Owner: “What seems to be—” *comes in and stops almost immediately. at the sight of the customer.*

    Customer: “You’re not the manager of [Restaurant]. You’re just the stupid c*** that thinks you’re clever. I wanna speak to the owner, now!

    Owner: “For the last time, you stupid dolt, this is not [Other Restaurant]. Stop coming to my store and yelling at my employees and customers!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to leave now.”

    Customer: “Screw this s***! You’re all stupid f***s! You can all go to h***! I’ll never eat at [Other Restaurant] again! I’ll have your jobs, too!”

    (Both Owner and I were left dumbfounded by the stupidity of this customer. Lucky for me, though, I got a free sandwich for having to deal with the stupid dolt!)

    Wii-U Are Not Listening

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m browsing video games in a large national department store where all employees are required to wear red. This particular store, I’ve noticed, is pretty relaxed about what form the red shirt or top can take, as well as the shade of red. Coincidentally, I’m wearing a red t-shirt with a local hockey team’s name across it. A mother and her ten-year-old boy approach me.)

    Mother: “Excuse me, is the Nintendo Wii still on sale?”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: “I’m not sure. I don’t work here.”

    Mother: “Can you call someone back here who would know? He wants the Wii really badly.”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: “Well, there’s a customer service button over in movies. That should bring someone over. And I think he wants the Wii-U, the new system they came out with.”

    Mother: “You want me to walk over into another department and ring a bell?! What the h*** kind of employee are you?”

    Me: “I’m an employee of [National Insurance Company]. I’m not a clerk at this store.”

    Mother: “Don’t give me that bull-s***! You’re a punk kid!”

    Me: “I’m 26.”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Mother: *grabbing kid’s hand* “You know what? We’ll go to [Well-known Toy Store Chain] and pay full price for the god d*** Wii, because I’m sick of this crap!”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: *laughing* “Is that all he says?”

    Mother: “HOW DARE YOU!”

    (Eventually she was escorted from the store and the manager, after watching the entire exchange on the security tapes, let me use my ‘employee’ discount on the game I wanted. I got it for… Wii-U!)

    Morons In Disguise

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

    (I work for a large cable TV company’s call center. I get a call and my customer mentions having problems with the image looking pixelated. This company gives customers a cable box to get their channels; this is the troubleshooting target.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll be sending a signal to the box and it’ll reboot. It is possible that you see some blue screens while it does that. This completely normal.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (This cable boxes usually take 2 to 7 minutes to reboot. 12 minutes after…)

    Customer: “Okay, the screen went black now. Looks like it’ll restart again.”

    Me: “That won’t happen; the box is looking fine from my end. Can you please turn it on and check on the channels you had issues with?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It looks very weird…”

    Me: “Does the channel look weird?”

    Customer: “No, the box! It has some strange symbols on it.”

    Me: “Can you describe those to me?”

    Customer: “They look like alien symbols, Transformers, like! You know? Their way of writing stuff?”

    (At this point of the evening, on a Saturday, after this long call and three energy drinks, I take a look outside the window to check I’m still on planet Earth.)

    Me: “That’s very strange. The box is only supposed to show the time. Can you check all cables in the back of the box are not loose?”

    Customer: “They’re tight! What’s going on?! What did you do?! I need my TV! Fix this NOW!”

    Me: “Can you turn on the box, from the button panel in the front of it, please? It’s the last button to the right.”

    Customer: “I pressed the button and nothing happened. The first symbol just changed and looks like a ‘G,’ but weird looking. You have to get this fixed!”

    (Another eight minutes go by trying and trying to get the box to turn on, assuming the display screen is damaged.)

    Customer: “YOU’RE USELESS! THIS WAS A WORKING BOX WITH ALL THE OTHER CHANNELS AND NOW I’VE LOST THEM ALL!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about this, is the first time I’ve seen someth—” *brief pause*

    Customer: “HELLO!?”

    Me: “Can you please press the first button to the left?”

    Customer: “It worked! It’s on! The TV’s back! What the h*** happened?!”

    Me: “Your box was upside down.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: *click*

    (I think Megatron abducted her…)

    Not The Most Connected Of Families

    | KY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Technology

    (I work at a popular video game store inside of a mall. One evening I greet a boy around the age of 15. Not much time passes before I notice he’s been browsing the XBox Live cards and seems very lost.)

    Me: “Hey, did you have any questions?”

    Boy: “I just got an XBox 360, and my buddy said I need a live membership. What’s that?”

    (I go through the explanation of how XBox Live works, how it gets you free games and everything, etc.)

    Boy: “Okay. But then, how do I get it in my system?”

    Me: “Well, the cards here come with a code. On your 360, you just go into the store while logged in on your account, and there should be an area to redeem the code on the back. That’ll get it attached to your account! It’s really easy.”

    Boy: *seems suspicious* “So then… I guess… they mail it to me?”

    Me: “Oh, no! You just enter the code that comes with the card onto your 360, and it goes on there… I may not be explaining this right, sorry. But there are detailed instructions on the card!”

    Boy: “…so then, after I put it on my system, they mail it to me?!”

    Me: “Ah, nope… It’s all digital.”

    Boy: “But then where do the free games come from?”

    Me: “They’re digital as well! You download them. It’s easy, and it pretty much explains itself as you do it.”

    Boy: “And then if I download them they mail me something?”

    Me: “Oh, nope, you don’t get anything in the mail.”

    Boy: “But then how do I get it?”

    Me: “You… download it?”

    Boy: “But then what will they mail me?”

    Me: “Nothing? Anything you need you download right to your XBox 360. Like, through the Internet.”

    Boy: “Oh. Okay.”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Boy: “So I just enter that code, and then download it?”

    Me: “Yeah!”

    Boy: “Through the mail.”

    Me: “No, nothing comes in the mail; it’s through the Internet.”

    Boy: “But then what do I download through the mail?”

    Me: “… nothing comes through the mail.”

    Boy: “How do you make it come through?”

    Me: “The Internet.”

    Boy: “I can get Internet on my XBox?! I set up the wifi for Netflix, but I didn’t know it got actual Internet.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s crazy what you can do in 2014.”

    Boy: “Can you explain this to my dad? He knows nothing about this stuff. Hey, dad, come here, this girl figured out that I have Internet on my XBox!”

    (A man, maybe in his 40s, dressed all in camo with hunting boots and looking very scary comes up.)

    Boy: “She just told me how to download things from the Internet for my XBox without mailing them.”

    Man: “I don’t know how your mom will feel about that.”

    (I had to repeat the entire conversation with the boy to his father and basically explain every technological advance related to Internet use. I kept looking for signs they were messing with me, but these people were just… Well… I drank a lot after that shift.)

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