Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Some Lights Shine Dimmer Than Others

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Caller: “Hi, do you sell lighting for above artwork?”

Me: “Yes, we have several in stock and many others that we could order. Do you know what length you’re looking for?”

Caller: “No. How much are they?”

Me: “Well, that will depend on the size and style you select. Once you’ve measured the artwork we’ll have a better idea of the size. Do you want it to plug in to an outlet, run on batteries, or would you like it hard-wired into your electrical? Would you prefer incandescent bulbs or LED?”

Caller: “I don’t know. Could you give me a price range?”

Me: “Well, they’ll vary quite a lot, and there are dozens of styles. I’ll tell you what… Let me give you our website address. Have a look on there and see if there’s anything that catches your eye. Once we have some product codes, I can get you some prices. It’s [address].”

Caller: *repeats address back to me* “Okay, I’m online right now. Oooh, I see a nice one!”

Me: “That’s great! What’s the product number?”

Caller: “It says it’s $60! Great price. How long will it take to get it?”

Me: “I’m a little confused. We don’t have one at that price. Can I confirm the address with you one more time?”

Caller: “Oh, I’m on eBay. How long will it take to get it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t buy things for you from eBay.”

Caller: “Well, you’re no help at all!”

Faster The Phones The Slower The Service

| Ada, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(I work in a popular hardware store. The following happens as I’m dealing with a family of five or six. The mother and one of her daughters approach my register, both looking at their cell phones.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Did you find everything you needed today?”

(Both women stare at their phones; 15 seconds go by.)

Woman: “Huh?”

Me: *repeats myself*

(Another 15 seconds go by.)

Woman: “Oh, yeah, just this stuff here.”

(I proceed to ring up their merchandise.)

Me: “Okay! You’re total is [total]; would you like to use [Store] card on your purchase?”

(Neither the woman or her daughter answer me. Another 15 seconds go by.)

Woman: “What?”

Me: *repeats myself*

Woman: “Oh! They aren’t done playing yet. We have some more.”

(We wait for a few minutes while the rest of the woman’s family “plays” with some of the stuff we have set out on display so that people can test out the merchandise before they buy it. The rest of the family finally comes to the register, but no one says anything to me although I have smiled and asked what else I can get for them. They are now all on their phones and I ask repeatedly for the husband to please tell me what they need from a different department. Several more minutes follow of me asking for information, followed by silence, and then a confused “what?” As the rest of their merchandise is relayed to me between riveting bouts of cell phone induced silence, I finally complete the order. By this time I am extremely frustrated, but manage to smile and try to tell them their new total.)

Me: “Okay! Your new total is—”

Woman: “Wait! I have a coupon!”

(She proceeds to scroll frantically on her phone. When she turns it to face me, it is the store’s cell-phone app, but it is on a black screen with only a search bar showing.)

Woman: “What do I do with this? It’s for five dollars off.”

Me: *finally fed up* “Ma’am, I don’t know. Our coupons are actually sent through—”

Woman: “Oh! Never mind. Let’s just finish this up.”

Me: *unable to control my exasperation and sarcasm drips through* “Thank you!”

Woman: “Wow! You sure are in a hurry to get rid of us now, aren’t you?!”

Me: *internally screaming*

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 17

| USA | Hotels & Lodging, Technology

Guest: *on phone* “Your Internet’s not working.”

Me: “Hmm, let me check… Yes, it is working. That means it’s your computer that has a problem.”

Guest: “My computer’s brand new! I VERY much doubt it has a problem.”

Me: “Well, how about you bring it down to the front desk and I could have a look and maybe make it work?”

Guest: “FINE!”

(She hangs up. She brings an old battered looking Mac model that I’m not familiar with.)

Guest: “I still believe it’s your Internet that’s not working, and you’re too ashamed to admit it.”

Me: “Ma’am, our Internet works fine! See?”

(I hold up my tablet, which has the Internet working fine on it.)

Guest: “Humph! Then why won’t it work on my computer! It’s my son’s and he said it was brand new!”

Me: “I don’t know…”

(After a while of poking around, I realize the wireless adapter is not turned on. I look for the switch or button but can’t find it. The lady finally calls her son to ask where it is and we finally get it working.)

Me: “There, see? It’s was just that the wireless was not turned on. Now it’s working fine…”

Guest: *red faced* “It was still your Internet that was the problem! I will complain!”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 16
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 15
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14

Email Fail, Part 5

| Espoo, Finland | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in small photo lab/copy-and-print service. A middle-aged man approaches my counter:)

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need you to scan this so I can put it in the Internet.” *hands me a paper*

(I was a bit confused and tried not to laugh. The customer had received an e-mail, printed it out, and now needed me to scan it so he could put it on the web!)

Related:
Email Fail, Part 4
Email Fail, Part 3
Email Fail, Part 2

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I provide a replacement business cell phone for a user who misplaced hers. During the delivery process of the new phone I ask:)

Me: “Have you been able to find the original phone?”

Caller: “I’ve looked in every room except the one I think it’s actually in.”

Related:

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10 
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9 

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