• Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!
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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Put A Freeze On PS3 Returns

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m manning the cash register when a customer comes in with a PS3 box.)

    Customer: “Hey, I bought this from you guys new a couple of weeks ago and it’s overheating. Could I get an exchange?”

    Me: “Sure! Let me just test it out so I can give our refurb guys an exact account of what happens.”

    (I take out the system out of the box to find that it’s pretty cold and a bit damp.)

    Me: “Um, sir, is there a reason your PS3 is wet?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah. I stuck it in the freezer for a little while to cool it down when it got hot.”

    Me: “…You stuck your PS3, an electronic device… in the freezer?”

    Customer: “Yeah, because it was hot.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this system is now water damaged by your own actions. I can’t exchange it.”

    Customer: “What?! Why the h*** not?!”

    Me: “Even if it was faulty before, because you put in the freezer your warranty is void.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid! What the h*** am I supposed to do now?!”

    Me: “You could maybe try calling Sony tech support, but they’ll probably just tell you the same thing.”

    Customer: “So you’re saying I just spent $200 dollars for nothing! Can’t you do anything?!”

    Me: “The only thing I can do is to advise you to NOT put electronics in the freezer. Maybe put a fan on it next time.”

    (I smiled sweetly and he glared at me and stormed out with his overheated and frozen PS3.)

    If They Had An Ounce Of Sense

    | Bangor, Wales, UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (In the run up to Christmas, one of the popular items has been a small radio controlled quad-copter, and I have been enjoying myself flying these up and down the mall to demonstrate. A young man comes in and enquires about these:)

    Customer: “So could it carry any weight, say, an eighth of an ounce?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh, as the specific weight mentioned is a dead give away* “Well, no, not really.”

    Customer: “Okay, but would it be able to carry any weight over a wall and come back?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “So it wouldn’t, perhaps, be able to carry a sixteenth over a prison wall?”

    Me: “Er, no…”

    Customer: *leaving* “Okay, thanks anyway. If the police come in, don’t tell them I was asking, okay?”

    A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 4

    | CO, USA | Money, Religion, Technology

    (I graduated with a PhD in mathematics from a major state university, but being from a fairly tight-knit family, when a storm takes out power to my grandfather’s family-owned business many family members go to help keep things running.)

    Customer: “I’m so glad you’re open without power. I can finally get some shopping done.”

    Me: “Yeah, I guess a power outage has its upsides, frees up some time.”

    Customer: “No, no, no. I had a vision from God, and he told me that math and money were created by the devil…”

    Me: “Umm… and the storm changes that how?”

    Customer: “Well, without power, you don’t have those machines to add for you, so we can go back to good old fashioned charity, like God intended.”

    Cousin: “You do realize we can do the math in our head, right? I mean this guy has a PhD in mathematics. I think he can add some prices up. Also, we have a backup generator; the registers should be up now.”

    (The customer couldn’t get out of the store fast enough, brandishing a cross at the cash registers. Apparently, anyone who can do some mental addition is a servant of the devil; that or he wanted free stuff, your pick.)

    A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 3
    A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 2
    A Price For The Devil To Pay

    Should Have It Pinned Down By Now, Part 2

    | Williamstown, NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “How do I do credit?”

    Me: “Just hit ‘credit’ when the options pop up on the pin pad. Then when it asks for a pin number, don’t enter anything, just hit the green button.”

    (The customer reaches the pin pad option and enters a series of numbers. After a moment, the card is declined.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, did you want credit?”

    Customer: “Yes?”

    Me: “Don’t enter any numbers; just hit the green button when it asks for your pin.”

    (Again the pin prompt comes up, and again she enters numbers; nine of them.)

    Me: “Ma’am, what are you typing?”

    Customer: “My phone number!”

    Me: “Your… phone number?”

    Customer: “That’s how I always do it!”

    Should Have It Pinned Down By Now

    Getting Red Over Going Green

    | PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m ringing out a lady who is using two cards for one transaction. One is a gift card and the other a debit card.)

    Me: “Just run that through as credit.”

    Customer: “Which one is credit?”

    Me: “Hit enter.”

    Customer: “Which one?”

    Me: “The green one.”

    (She hits green and I give her a second total and she goes to slide her second card.)

    Customer: “I want credit.”

    Me: “Okay, same thing, just hit green.”

    Customer: “I hit cancel for credit?”

    Me: “No. Enter.”

    Customer: “Which one is enter?”

    Me: “Green.”

    Customer: “Red?”

    Me: “No. Green.”

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