Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
    (2,089 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Pop-Corntempt

    | WA, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (I have recently broken my foot, and the pain and brace I wear under my shoe causes a pronounced limp. I’m working in concessions on a slow day when an elderly couple approaches to order. Our kettle is popping corn directly behind me, so it’s difficult to hear.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you doing today?”

    Male Customer: *mumbles inaudibly*

    Me: “What can I get started for you?”

    Female Customer: “He just ordered a small popcorn.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, of course. Buttery topping?”

    Male Customer: *mumbles inaudibly*

    Me: “Sorry? Could you repeat that?”

    Female Customer: “He said butter!”

    Me: “Ah, thank you. Would you like anything to drink with that?”

    Female Customer: “Teenagers! You never listen to a word anyone says! He already ordered a small coke!”

    (I’m 24, but I brush off the comment about my age as it’s a common mistake.)

    Me: “I apologize, it’s difficult for me to hear for the corn popping.”

    (I proceed to collect the ordered items, limping as usual. I overhear the woman mumbling, but think little of it.)

    Me: “Here you are, can I get any candy or anything else for you?”

    Female Customer: “If you’re done shuffling about so lazily, I’d like you to ring me up.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I broke my foot recently. I was moving as fast as I could under the circumstances.”

    Female Customer: “Right, uh huh. Whatever excuse you need. Lazy teenagers.”

    (I complete the transaction, and go about various tasks as soon as they leave, trying to hide my obvious annoyance. After a few minutes, the man returns and leans way over the counter with a serious frown. I nervously shuffle over.)

    Me: “Welcome back, how can I help you?”

    Male Customer: “I just wanted to apologize about my hag of an old wife. She’s got some sort of stick crammed up there, and it sure ain’t mine!”

    The Downers Of Up-Selling

    | Canada | Money, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (At the ferry terminal where I work, we have a discount card. When loaded with money, it will give you a substantial discount when customers use it to pay for a ticket.  I don’t usually mention it because all the local commuters know about it, but when they are paying for 4 or more people at a time, it is actually cheaper to buy the card than to pay the usual price.)

    Me: “Hello! How many of you are traveling today?”

    Customer: “Five of us and the car.”

    Me: Great! Hey, would you like to save some money today? We have this card and—”

    Customer: ”No! No card! Don’t sell me anything!”

    Me: “I understand, sir. But if you load $95 on this card, it’s actually cheaper than the $120 dollars I will be charging you normally. You see it’s a discount card and-”

    Customer: “No! I said no! Don’t you people listen? Always trying to sell me crap. Just give me a ticket!”

    Me: “Okay then. That will be $120 instead of the $95 for a ticket. No problem.”

    Customer’s Wife: “What?!” *smacks husband’s arm and glares* “Will you listen to her?”

    Customer: *sheepishly* “Oh… uh… wait. Maybe we will take that card thing.”

    Me: “Right away, sir…” 

    Being Ageless Gets Old

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Top, Underaged

    (A customer comes to my till with a video game. This particular game is for ages 17 and up, but the customer looks no older than 14 or 15.)

    Me: “Sir, this game is rated M. Are you over 17 years of age?”

    Customer: *sighs* “Alright, hang on. I’ll be back in a minute.”

    (The customer leaves the store. Later, he comes back with an older woman, who I assume is his mother.)

    Woman: “Honey, which game is it that you wanted?”

    Customer: “This one.”

    (The customer comes back to my till once more, holding the game he was trying to purchase, with the older woman in tow.)

    Me: “Ma’am, just so you know, this game is rated M, so it’s normally meant for people ages 17 and up.”

    Woman: “Oh, that won’t be a problem.”

    Me: “Just to double-check with you, ma’am, this game’s contents can be pretty violent, so it may not be appropriate for your son.”

    Woman: *chuckles* “Oh, he’s not my son.”

    Me: “I apologize. But once again, it might not be appropriate for your…nephew? Little brother? Cousin?”

    Woman: “He’s none of those, silly! He’s my husband!”

    Me: “Whaaaaaaaa?”

    (The customer then pulls out his driver’s license, which I carefully examine. According to his date of birth, he’s 33 years old.)

    Me: “Okay, so you had ID. Why didn’t you just show me that?”

    Customer: “Look at how short and baby-faced I am! If I showed you my ID from the beginning, you would probably think it was fake!”

    Me: “Fair enough, you got me there. I mean no disrespect by this, but I did think you were about 14.”

    Customer: “Yeah, looking like this is both a blessing and a curse. I even quit drinking because it’s too much of a hassle to buy beer!”

    (The customer pays for his game and leaves, while his wife is tries to stifle her laughter.)

    For Bitter Or Worse, Part 2

    | Sweden | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Welcome to [Directory Enquiries Company]. You’re speaking to [my name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for the number to a man named [name]. I don’t remember where he lives, but I hope he shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

    Me: “That’s a pretty uncommon name, so he wasn’t hard to find at all. If you’d like to, I can send you an SMS to your cellphone with his information. Or, would you rather write it down yourself?”

    Caller: “Oh, I’ve never understood these cellphones, so I’d rather write it down myself, please. Just give me a moment to fetch a pen.”

    (Up until now, the caller has been very polite and calmer than a tibetan monk on Valium. Suddenly…)

    Caller: “GET ME A F***ING PEN, YOU F***ING IDIOT!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Oh, not you dear, I’m just talking to a good-for-nothing slob over here.” *to someone in the background* “NO, NOT THE FLYSWATTER! WHAT THE F*** AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?! A PEN! A F***ING PEN, YOU IDIOT!”

    (The cussing and hollering goes on for about a minute before the caller gets back to the phone.)

    Caller: “Alright, I have a pen now. What was the number, dear?”

    Me: *reads the number to the caller*

    Caller: “Thank you, dear. You have been most helpful! Have a lovely day!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    For Bitter Or Worse

    It Was A Shot Glass Wedding

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m helping a very elderly, very nice, lady get around the store. We’re in the liquor section when she asks me to read some of the labels.)

    Me: ”Well, we’ve got Jack Daniels, Cutty Sark, Bombay Sapphire, Jim Beam—”

    Lady: “No, I don’t want Jim Beam. Last time I drank, Jim Beam, I had to get married! I didn’t care for that one bit!”

    Page 9/18First...7891011...Last