Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,144 thumbs up)
  • Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Crying Over Spoiled Milk

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I’m working in a restaurant at the bar where we also make coffees. I’m standing at the espresso machine when a male customer approaches to order.)

    Customer: “I’d like a cappuccino with no milk, please.”

    (This confuses me, as milk is a necessary component for cappuccinos.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Do you mean a black coffee? A long black, perhaps? That’s espresso topped up with hot water?”

    Customer: “No, I want a normal cappuccino; just don’t put any milk in it.”

    Me: “Well, that would just be a short black or espresso shot. Is that what you’re after?”

    Customer: “No! Look, it’s not that complicated. Just make me a cappuccino, but leave out the milk.”

    (Still confused, I make up a shot of espresso in a cappuccino cup and show the customer.)

    Me: “Is this what you want?”

    Customer: “No! Ugh! You kids these days don’t know anything about making decent coffees!”

    (I actually have over six years experience making coffees.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I just don’t understand what you want me to make.”

    (The customer storms off back to his table in the bistro. Not long after, a woman comes up to the bar.)

    Woman: “I’d just like to apologise for my idiot of a husband and order a cappuccino with skinny milk. Honestly, how did he expect you to make a cappuccino with no milk at all?”

    (The male customer avoided me for the rest of the evening out of embarrassment, but the woman gave me a nice tip!)

    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Holidays, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work for a big box retail location. It has been a busy day and I have been alone for a lot of my shift. I have been helping an elderly couple look for a TV for their grandchild for Christmas.)

    Wife: “I think this is the one that we want. Can we test it out to make sure it works?”

    Me: “Sure, just give me a couple minutes to set it up…”

    (I set every thing up and get everything going for them. This whole time, the husband hasn’t said a single thing.)

    Me: “Every thing seems to be in working order, but just in case, you do have 90 days to return it.”

    Wife: “That sounds great! By the way, do you have one that hasn’t been opened? We’re giving it as a gift.”

    Me: “Umm…”

    Husband: *to wife* “Are you a moron? You had him open it up to make sure it worked and now you want one that he didn’t open? We’re taking the open one and if she doesn’t like it, we’ll return it.”

    (The wife had a shocked expression on her face but didn’t protest it. I, on the other hand, wanted to shake that man’s hand for being the smartest person I had dealt with all day.)

    Related:
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2

    A Real Life Cookie Monster

    | New Zealand | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A middle aged couple comes to my checkout.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you?”

    Wife: “Fine, thank you.”

    Husband: *grumbles*

    (I proceed to pack their shopping, when suddenly the male customer starts looking angry.)

    Husband: “I think you hate your job! I think you want to quit!”

    Me: “Um, no… I quite enjoy it.”

    Husband: “Well, you will get fired! You don’t show a proper respect!”

    Wife: “Henry, calm down.”

    Me: “I don’t know how I offended you, sir.”

    Husband: “No, not to me! Show proper respect to those biscuits!”

    Screaming For Ice Cream For Other Reasons

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (It is Dickens Faire this weekend, so we have a constant line for ice cream for a good 6 hours straight on Saturday. By Sunday, we only have 4 flavors left; the unavailable ones are covered with lids. A middle-aged couple comes in and looks at the ice cream.

    Me: “Hi! The only ice cream we have left are the open ones.”

    Husband: “Oh, okay. So just the ones that aren’t covered?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. We had a huge rush of people yesterday and sold out of all but those 4 flavors.”

    Husband: “Hmmm… I’d like Buttered Pecan on a cone, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have any left. We only have the ones that don’t have the lids on them.”

    Husband: “Oh… well, how about Coffee?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. We sold out of coffee as well. The only four flavors we have left are Strawberry, Caramel, Strawberry Cheesecake, and Vanilla.”

    Husband: “Hmmm… well, I’ll take Mint Chocolate Chip then. In a cone.”

    Me: “We don’t have any of that left.”

    Husband: “Well what do you have left then?!”

    Wife: “She’s told you at least three times already. Only the ones that you can actually see the ice cream in are the ones they have.”

    Husband: “But I wanted Buttered Pecan.”

    Wife: “Well, too bad. Pick something else!” *to me* “I’ll have the Strawberry Cheesecake in a cup please dear.”

    Husband: “I want… Cookies and Cream in a cone.”

    Wife: “That’s it. No ice cream for you!”

    Best Put That Topic To Bed

    | Nottinghamshire, England, UK | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I work in the bedroom department. My job is to approach passers-by and ask about what they’re looking for. A couple I ask takes an interest in a headboard.)

    Husband: “That’s no good for us, sweetie.”

    Wife: “Why not?”

    Husband: “Well…” *looks at me directly* “…there’s nowhere to put the handcuffs!”

    (I worked in Ann Summers for a year, and whilst I was unemployed did paid reviews on BDSM and other such toys.)

    Me: *smiling sweetly* “To be honest, the under-bed cuffing systems work so much better, especially the German makes. Plus they’re a lot more discreet. But if you’re infrequent users you may want to try bondage tape, it’s a lot cheaper in the long run, and it doesn’t like any visible marks or pulls on hair.”

    Husband: *turns red*

    Wife: *to her husband* “You had that coming.”

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