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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Creepiness Just Hit The Motherlode

    | DC, USA | Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (I have just finished helping a customer complete a change to his wireless plan.)

    Customer: “Wow, thank you, [My Name]. You have a nice voice, you know that? How old are you?”

    Me: “Well… I’m 26, sir.”

    Customer: “Hoo wow, that’s way too young. Is your mom married?”

    Me: *kind of chuckling nervously* “Yes. Yes, she is.”

    Customer: “… Happily?”

    Me: “…”

    Beware Of The Sweet Disposition

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Spouses & Partners

    (It’s a slow day. My coworker and I are standing at the register waiting to see if we’re having another no-show. A friendly young couple walks in and asks for two tickets to a show. Then, the girlfriend chimes in.)

    Girlfriend: “Hey, so, I see those three movies there…”

    (She points to the three poster frames in the lobby showcasing what movies we have.)

    Girlfriend: “So where do you keep the things for those?”

    Me: “Um, do you mean where do we keep the posters?”

    (The girlfriend begins shouting slowly as if I didn’t hear her.)

    Girlfriend: “THE THING FOR THE MOVIES! WHERE DO YOU KEEP IT?”

    Me: “… I, I still don’t understand. Do you mean the…”

    Girlfriend: “YOU HAVE THE THREE MOVIES IN THE SIGNS! WHERE—”

    (The boyfriend quietly slides behind her and reached his hand around to her mouth. He drops what looked like a caramel block into her mouth. As soon as he did, she immediately mellowed out and they both quietly walked out of the theater.)

    One Is In Sickness, The Other Is in Health

    | France | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I am returning to a patient after we have received a call from his worried wife.)

    Me: “Okay. So, we got your wife on the phone—”

    Patient: “Which one?”

    Me: “Which one what?”

    Patient: “Which wife. I have two at the moment. She didn’t say her name?”

    Me: “… No. She just said she was your wife.”

    Patient: “D***.”

    Me: “…”

    Me: “Well, at least one of your wives is worried about you, sir.”

    Fish Has Gone To The Dogs

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

    (I am delivering a large pizza order to a couple that included an extra side of anchovies.)

    Me: “Let me hand you the anchovies so they don’t accidentally spill.”

    (As I hand them to the woman she makes a face of disgust and hands them to her husband.)

    Husband: “I like to pour it out on the kitchen floor and roll around in them.”

    Me: “So does my dog.”

    (The wife completely loses it and the husband slinks off with his anchovies.)

    How To Cancel Death, Part 2

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. I’m calling to cancel my service because, you see, my wife is no longer with us. I haven’t been able to get into the account for some months now because, of course, I didn’t have her info.”

    Me: “Oh, I understand. I’m sorry to hear that. Let me pull up your account.”

    (In the background, I hear a woman’s voice.)

    Woman: “Honey, where are the car keys!?”

    Customer: “Shut up! You’re supposed to be dead!”

    Woman: “WHAT!?” *click*

    Related:
    How To Cancel Death

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