Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

It’s All Peachy

, | St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(I work as a sales associate at a large chain bath product store that caters mostly to women. I am stationed at the front of the store, greeting customers and handing out shopping bags. A huge, tough-looking man walks into the store and looks around awkwardly. He looks like a motorcycle gang member from a movie: tattoos, leather, and a bandanna.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]. I’m [Name]. Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: *shifts uncomfortably* “Yeah, I need lotion and shower gel.”

(I knew he felt as out of place as he looked so rather than just pointing, I walk him over to the largest display of bath products.)

Me: “Are you shopping for someone special?”

Customer: “Yeah. Me.”

(He was pointedly not making eye contact with me so I allowed myself a split-second look of shock.)

Customer: *mutters* “My girlfriend likes it when I smell like a peach.”

(Needless to say, I walked around the entire store with him. I even introduced him to some new fruity fragrances!)

Won’t Be Seen But Definitely Heard

| USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

(A call comes in a little after 4 pm:)

Customer: “How do I get to your office? We were up by [Hospital] and we didn’t see your building…”

Me: “Ah, we’re actually not near them. But I can get you here from there!”

(I then give them the most complete directions I can for a trip that should only take perhaps fifteen minutes at the most. They thank me and ask if we will be able to see them that day. I assure them that as long as they can get here before five, we can. I’m under the impression that they will only be a few minutes. As time goes on and they don’t show up I assume they have just decided ‘forget it; I’ll go home.’ At a few minutes after five, before I have a chance to even lock the doors for the evening, a troop of three people walk in: our lost patient, expecting that she can get in that day.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m so sorry, but we’re actually closed—”

(The customer’s husband shouts over me, loud enough that the nurses later tell me they could hear him.)

Customer’s Husband: “No! Don’t you listen to her. She told you you could get in! You said she could get seen today!”

Me: *trying to keep my temper* “Actually, sir, what I said was as long as you came in before five pm we could see you.” *to his wife* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but as we’re closed for the day you’ll have to reschedule.”

Customer’s Husband: “No! YOU SAID SHE COULD BE SEEN TODAY! DON’T YOU LISTEN TO HER. YOU’RE GONNA BE SEEN!”

Me: *deciding I can’t fight stupid* “Let me go check with the doctor, and see if we can fit you in.”

(When I got back to the nurse’s station, I managed to catch the doctor coming out of the last patient’s room, and upon explaining the situation he agreed – we wouldn’t bend the rules. When I got back up front to explain the situation, the lady was very polite and understanding, willing to reschedule her appointment to later the next week, while her husband stood back behind her declaring the whole time that we would be seeing her that day because we had said we would. That was the only time I’ve ever had someone argue the closing time with me, and I really hope it doesn’t happen again.)

Wrapped Your Hair Up In A Bun

| MN, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners

(I work at a burger place that is known for their burgers but also for their frozen custard. A lady comes in with her husband who both seem to be in their late 30s. They order three separate orders: one order for her meal, which was just a burger and fries; another order of his meal that consisted of just a grilled sandwich; and the last order of two large blended frozen custard that both had some sort of candies mixed in. I’m doing my round of asking every customer how their nights are and how’s the food when I get to this customer.)

Me: “Hello! How are you two doing tonight?”

Customer: “We are actually not doing okay! My husband found a hair in his sandwich!”

Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry about that. Let me get you a new one of those!”

Customer: “While you’re at it, get me your manager over here right now! This is unacceptable!”

(I grab the sandwich to show the kitchen crew and to remake the sandwich and notice that the hair is blonde and all of us that are working are brunettes. I grab my manager to go talk to her and mention that I found blonde hair in it. All the while the husband still hasn’t said anything, which is odd considering it is his sandwich. I’m bringing out the remake of his sandwich and hear the rest of the argument between the blonde lady and my manager.)

Manager: “Was there anything wrong with your meal, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, no.”

Manager: “Then, I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot refund you for your meal. There was nothing wrong with it, especially considering you ate most of it. I also cannot refund you for either of your large desserts. Just because you leave a fifth of both your desserts un-eaten and claim that they tasted horrible and that’s why you didn’t finish it doesn’t mean you would get a refund. I wouldn’t have even taken another bite if it was as horrible as you described. I’m only allowed to refund the sandwich, even when I have a staff full of only brunettes.”

(As the blonde lady was about to say something, her husband speaks up.)

Husband: “No. I know what you’re thinking. We are leaving.”

(Her husband drags her out of the restaurant, taking his sandwich and leaving behind the refund.)

Husband: “That was ridiculous and a waste of time just so you could save a couple of bucks. I don’t know why you couldn’t have just used your burger and just let me eat mine in peace.”

Half Agreeing To Half And Half

| Seaside, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

(I am joining my family for dinner when I overhear this exchange between my mother and our waiter:)

Mom: “Can I have a cappuccino?”

Waiter: “I am sorry, We do not have any.”

Mom: “Do you have any green tea?”

Waiter: “Yes, ma’am.”

Mom: “Can I have that with vanilla?”

Waiter: “We do not have any vanilla.”

Mom: “Nothing vanilla.”

Waiter: “Vanilla vodka.”

Mom: “Peppermint? Gingerbread?”

Waiter: “We do not have any flavorings.”

Mom: “Any [Flavored Creamers]?”

Waiter: “We have half and half.”

Mom: “See, I did not want half and half.”

(My father breaks his silence and speaks up and says to the waiter.)

Dad: “Just say yes to whatever she says and bring her half and half.”

Mom: “That works for me.”

Wifitis

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners, Technology

(I work at a busy computer and electronics store. A customer approaches me in the printer section.)

Customer: “I’d like to buy a wifi disabled printer.”

Me: “Ah, do you mean a wifi enabled printer?”

Customer: “No. I want to buy a printer but it can’t have wifi.”

(I acquiesce and spend some time showing her a few different lines, explaining what each can do. None of them are satisfactory, since any modern consumer-level printer with decent features has built in wifi. Sensing her frustration, I show her a newer model. She’s pretty much sold but I tell her wifi is built in but that she can disable it if she’s worried about security.)

Customer: “No no. It’s not about security. It doesn’t matter if it can be disabled. We can’t risk having wifi in the printer at all.”

Me: “Not to pry, but why is it so important that the printer doesn’t have built-in wifi?”

Customer: “My husband is very sensitive to wireless electronic signals. He gets extreme headaches when exposed to them even for a short period of time. That’s why he’s standing over there.” *points to a smiling man standing about twenty feet away*

Me: *sarcastically* “Oh, no!”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “You might want to inform your husband that he’s been standing under the store’s main wireless access point for the past 20 minutes, being blasted with wifi signals 50 times stronger than any of these printers.”

(She ran to her husband, said something, and pointed up to the access point on the ceiling. I tried not to have a smug look on my face as the man suddenly feigned illness and they left abruptly.)

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