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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    He Already Has Enough Issues

    | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Spouses & Partners

    (One of my co-workers is checking out a couple.)

    Cashier: “Alright, so your total is [total].”

    (The wife starts paying with debit. Her husband is scanning our magazines at the side of the till.)

    Husband: *to the cashier* “Excuse me, miss? Can I get a magazine?”

    Cashier: “Oh, sure, I don’t see why not. We can do it as a separate transaction if you’d like?”

    Husband: “Oh? I have to buy them?”

    Cashier: *laughs* “Yes, sir. You would have to buy it.”

    Husband: “Oh… well then, never mind.” *turns to his wife* “This b**** won’t give me a magazine!”

    Wife: “Shut up; you’re being an a**!”

    (The two customers leave and the cashier turns to me.)

    Cashier: “I really hope he was drunk. If not, then what just happened?”

    He’ll Be In The Afterlife After The Birth

    | CA, USA | Health & Body, Holidays, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (It is Halloween. The hospital staff have put up decorations, but they’re minimal. I’m trying to wheel a patient who is in labor, to the room she was assigned, along with her husband.)

    Patient’s Husband: “We should put her in the room with the witch hanging over the door.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. That room’s actually a different size. I’m supposed to take you to room 79.”

    Patient’s Husband: “But that room has a ghost. She wants a witch.”

    Me: “The only room we have with that decoration is half the size of this one, and doesn’t have all the same equipment in it. This is the room you paid for.”

    Patient’s Husband: “It has to be a witch. She’s been real nasty all week.”

    (As she hears her husband say this, the wife is looking less and less pleased. She is a week overdue, and has been in for false labor pains the past two weeks.)

    Me: “That’s interesting, but there aren’t any decorations inside the room anyway. What is inside this room is a much wider space for the doctor and nurses to provide her with better care.”

    Patient’s Husband: “She wants a witch, so put her in the room with the witch.”

    (Finally, the patient has had enough and speaks up.)

    Patient: “Shut up. I want to get this kid out in whatever room the people who know what they’re doing think is best, you dumb troll!”

    Crying Over Spoiled Milk

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I’m working in a restaurant at the bar where we also make coffees. I’m standing at the espresso machine when a male customer approaches to order.)

    Customer: “I’d like a cappuccino with no milk, please.”

    (This confuses me, as milk is a necessary component for cappuccinos.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Do you mean a black coffee? A long black, perhaps? That’s espresso topped up with hot water?”

    Customer: “No, I want a normal cappuccino; just don’t put any milk in it.”

    Me: “Well, that would just be a short black or espresso shot. Is that what you’re after?”

    Customer: “No! Look, it’s not that complicated. Just make me a cappuccino, but leave out the milk.”

    (Still confused, I make up a shot of espresso in a cappuccino cup and show the customer.)

    Me: “Is this what you want?”

    Customer: “No! Ugh! You kids these days don’t know anything about making decent coffees!”

    (I actually have over six years experience making coffees.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I just don’t understand what you want me to make.”

    (The customer storms off back to his table in the bistro. Not long after, a woman comes up to the bar.)

    Woman: “I’d just like to apologise for my idiot of a husband and order a cappuccino with skinny milk. Honestly, how did he expect you to make a cappuccino with no milk at all?”

    (The male customer avoided me for the rest of the evening out of embarrassment, but the woman gave me a nice tip!)

    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Holidays, Spouses & Partners, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (I work for a big box retail location. It has been a busy day and I have been alone for a lot of my shift. I have been helping an elderly couple look for a TV for their grandchild for Christmas.)

    Wife: “I think this is the one that we want. Can we test it out to make sure it works?”

    Me: “Sure, just give me a couple minutes to set it up…”

    (I set every thing up and get everything going for them. This whole time, the husband hasn’t said a single thing.)

    Me: “Every thing seems to be in working order, but just in case, you do have 90 days to return it.”

    Wife: “That sounds great! By the way, do you have one that hasn’t been opened? We’re giving it as a gift.”

    Me: “Umm…”

    Husband: *to wife* “Are you a moron? You had him open it up to make sure it worked and now you want one that he didn’t open? We’re taking the open one and if she doesn’t like it, we’ll return it.”

    (The wife had a shocked expression on her face but didn’t protest it. I, on the other hand, wanted to shake that man’s hand for being the smartest person I had dealt with all day.)

    Related:
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2

    A Real Life Cookie Monster

    | New Zealand | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A middle aged couple comes to my checkout.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you?”

    Wife: “Fine, thank you.”

    Husband: *grumbles*

    (I proceed to pack their shopping, when suddenly the male customer starts looking angry.)

    Husband: “I think you hate your job! I think you want to quit!”

    Me: “Um, no… I quite enjoy it.”

    Husband: “Well, you will get fired! You don’t show a proper respect!”

    Wife: “Henry, calm down.”

    Me: “I don’t know how I offended you, sir.”

    Husband: “No, not to me! Show proper respect to those biscuits!”


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