Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Wrapped Your Hair Up In A Bun

    | MN, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners

    (I work at a burger place that is known for their burgers but also for their frozen custard. A lady comes in with her husband who both seem to be in their late 30s. They order three separate orders: one order for her meal, which was just a burger and fries; another order of his meal that consisted of just a grilled sandwich; and the last order of two large blended frozen custard that both had some sort of candies mixed in. I’m doing my round of asking every customer how their nights are and how’s the food when I get to this customer.)

    Me: “Hello! How are you two doing tonight?”

    Customer: “We are actually not doing okay! My husband found a hair in his sandwich!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry about that. Let me get you a new one of those!”

    Customer: “While you’re at it, get me your manager over here right now! This is unacceptable!”

    (I grab the sandwich to show the kitchen crew and to remake the sandwich and notice that the hair is blonde and all of us that are working are brunettes. I grab my manager to go talk to her and mention that I found blonde hair in it. All the while the husband still hasn’t said anything, which is odd considering it is his sandwich. I’m bringing out the remake of his sandwich and hear the rest of the argument between the blonde lady and my manager.)

    Manager: “Was there anything wrong with your meal, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, no.”

    Manager: “Then, I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot refund you for your meal. There was nothing wrong with it, especially considering you ate most of it. I also cannot refund you for either of your large desserts. Just because you leave a fifth of both your desserts un-eaten and claim that they tasted horrible and that’s why you didn’t finish it doesn’t mean you would get a refund. I wouldn’t have even taken another bite if it was as horrible as you described. I’m only allowed to refund the sandwich, even when I have a staff full of only brunettes.”

    (As the blonde lady was about to say something, her husband speaks up.)

    Husband: “No. I know what you’re thinking. We are leaving.”

    (Her husband drags her out of the restaurant, taking his sandwich and leaving behind the refund.)

    Husband: “That was ridiculous and a waste of time just so you could save a couple of bucks. I don’t know why you couldn’t have just used your burger and just let me eat mine in peace.”

    Half Agreeing To Half And Half

    | Seaside, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (I am joining my family for dinner when I overhear this exchange between my mother and our waiter:)

    Mom: “Can I have a cappuccino?”

    Waiter: “I am sorry, We do not have any.”

    Mom: “Do you have any green tea?”

    Waiter: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Mom: “Can I have that with vanilla?”

    Waiter: “We do not have any vanilla.”

    Mom: “Nothing vanilla.”

    Waiter: “Vanilla vodka.”

    Mom: “Peppermint? Gingerbread?”

    Waiter: “We do not have any flavorings.”

    Mom: “Any [Flavored Creamers]?”

    Waiter: “We have half and half.”

    Mom: “See, I did not want half and half.”

    (My father breaks his silence and speaks up and says to the waiter.)

    Dad: “Just say yes to whatever she says and bring her half and half.”

    Mom: “That works for me.”

    Wifitis

    | Overland Park, KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners, Technology

    (I work at a busy computer and electronics store. A customer approaches me in the printer section.)

    Customer: “I’d like to buy a wifi disabled printer.”

    Me: “Ah, do you mean a wifi enabled printer?”

    Customer: “No. I want to buy a printer but it can’t have wifi.”

    (I acquiesce and spend some time showing her a few different lines, explaining what each can do. None of them are satisfactory, since any modern consumer-level printer with decent features has built in wifi. Sensing her frustration, I show her a newer model. She’s pretty much sold but I tell her wifi is built in but that she can disable it if she’s worried about security.)

    Customer: “No no. It’s not about security. It doesn’t matter if it can be disabled. We can’t risk having wifi in the printer at all.”

    Me: “Not to pry, but why is it so important that the printer doesn’t have built-in wifi?”

    Customer: “My husband is very sensitive to wireless electronic signals. He gets extreme headaches when exposed to them even for a short period of time. That’s why he’s standing over there.” *points to a smiling man standing about twenty feet away*

    Me: *sarcastically* “Oh, no!”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “You might want to inform your husband that he’s been standing under the store’s main wireless access point for the past 20 minutes, being blasted with wifi signals 50 times stronger than any of these printers.”

    (She ran to her husband, said something, and pointed up to the access point on the ceiling. I tried not to have a smug look on my face as the man suddenly feigned illness and they left abruptly.)

    Thinks They’re Trying To Pull The Wool Over Your Eyes

    | Ireland | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

    (I work in a wool mill. I’m almost finished for the day, and tired from lifting and weighing yarn, weaving, and answering phones, when a married couple come into the store at the front of the mill. The husband keeps interrupting me.)

    Husband: “So, all of these scarves are obviously wool.”

    Me: “Nope. We use some wool, but we use a lot of cotton, linen, sil—”

    Husband: “Uh-huh. And it’s all Irish wool, of course.”

    Me: “No, we don’t actually use Irish wool because it’s not great for wearing. Irish sheep have short, wiry wool that is too—”

    Husband: “And why not? You have loads of sheep out there! I’ve seen them!”

    Me: “I know our sheep look lovely out there in the field, but their wool mostly goes into carpets and—”

    Husband: “Carpets! Where do you get your wool then?”

    (At this point, I’m getting a little overwhelmed, and his wife can see that.)

    Wife: “[Husband], let the girl finish; she’s trying to answer you. If you’re going to ask a question, wait for the answer.”

    (The husband then shuts up and lets me finish my sentence.)

    Me: “A lot of our wool comes from Italy and Japan. Warm climates have better wool, but we don’t just use wool from regular old sheep. We have alpaca and camel too, and we’re thinking of using yak next year.”

    Wife: “Fascinating! Thank you so much. What’s your name?”

    Me: “Oh, my name is [My Name].”

    Wife: “I’m so sorry. My husband can get a bit excited when it comes to new things. He thinks he already knows everything about it. Don’t let him get to you. We’ll take these please!”

    (She held up six scarves and I folded and bagged them. The husband pouted in the corner. Probably not the first time he’d been told off by his wife!)

    Someone Will Scream For The Wrong Ice Cream

    | London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (A customer comes in, looking a little tired. I’m stacking shelves.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need some vanilla Häagen-Dazs. Where are your freezers?”

    Me: “They’re over here, but I’m afraid I think we’re out of Häagen-Dazs. We have our own brand vanilla.”

    (He gives me a look like he’s going to cry.)

    Customer: “I’m really sorry. It has to be Häagen-Dazs. It has to be vanilla.” *voice cracking* “Do you know where I could get some?”

    (I promised to go and check the store room as he genuinely looked like he was about to burst into tears and I thought maybe he wasn’t very well. Luckily, we had a couple left that hadn’t been brought out. I brought it back and handed it to him. He looks at it like it’s magical, breathes a huge sigh of relief, and heads to the check out. He picks up a mini chocolate cake on the way and I see him talk to my colleague behind the counter. After he’s gone, she comes over to me and hands me the cake.)

    Coworker: “That guy just said this is for you. He said he’s going home to his eight-month pregnant monster wife and because of you he’s not going to be murdered tonight.”

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