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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Fanning The Flames

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Money, Spouses & Partners

    (A customer wants a specific electric fireplace that is discontinued and so we cant order it. One of my colleagues says that they will go to nearby store after their shift and get one. The customer comes in the next day to collect it.)

    Me: “Okay, because this is discontinued and we don’t stock it here, you won’t be able to return it unless it’s faulty.”

    Customer: “Why would I want to return it? I’m not a moron like you are!”

    (He storms out but comes back in the next day.)

    Customer: “This fireplace won’t work! You put me through all this trouble and you gave me a faulty product! I will report you to your manager for all the stress this has caused!”

    Me: “Sir, the box is still sealed. You haven’t even opened it yet.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, my wife didn’t like it. Can I return it?”

    Coffee Can Cause Great Dis-Stain

    | New Jersey, USA | Spouses & Partners

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a mocha latte cappuccino.”

    Me: “Okay, which one of those would you like?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, those are three different things. A mocha, a latte, or a cappuccino?”

    Customer: “No, they’re not! That’s what I want!”

    Me: “Ma’am, technically–”

    Customer: “Just get me what my husband always orders!”

    Me: “What does your husband always order?”

    Customer: “You know, some…coffee thing!”

    Never Send A Man…Period

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (A male customer is in the feminine hygiene aisle and has requested to speak to a female employee.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

    Customer: *obviously embarrassed* “I need some ‘female products’.”

    Me: “Okay, you’re in the right place. This is all our selection.”

    Customer: “Really?” *points to the pads* “I don’t think these will work. They all look so small.”

    Me: “Well, most women prefer that. But if you want something different, the tampons are right here as well.”

    Customer: “Oh, gross. No, I would rather these but bigger, so they’ll work.”

    Me: “This is really all we have.”

    Customer: “Hmm, what about some diapers or something like that? Do you have those?”

    Me: “What? Do you mean baby diapers? Sir, I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

    Customer: “You’re right, they probably cost twice as much anyways. I think I’m going to tell my wife to come in after work and figure this out herself.”

    Me: “I think that’s a very good idea, sir.”

    Carrying A Lot Of Baggage

    | Kirkland, WA, US | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “What kind of bag would you like?”

    Customer: *without hesitation* “A hot blonde with blue eyes, 6 feet tall, smart, and successful.”

    Me: “Me and you both, buddy. But you’re in luck, as it just so happens our bags are tan and blue. Will that be okay?”

    Customer: “That’s fine. It’s better than what I have back at home.”

    Models Are Always Catty

    | Washington, D.C., USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

    (A couple is holding at a kitten and waiting in line at a closed register.)

    Me: “Hi, would you like to buy this cat?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if I could get this in a different color?”

    Me: “Well, we have many different colors of kittens. If you’ll come with me I can show you some others we have.”

    Customer: “Well, I mean I want this model kitten, but in a different color.”

    Me: “Well, kittens don’t really work that way. They have all different fur patterns and colors.”

    Customer: “Yes. I want this fur pattern but a different color!”

    Customer’s husband: “Sweetie, I think she’s trying to say that the kittens will look different no matter what.”

    Customer: “If she wanted to sell me something, she would look for the right model kitten! This is terrible service! How dare they! Honey, we’re going to a different pet store!”

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