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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Models Are Always Catty

    | Washington, D.C., USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

    (A couple is holding at a kitten and waiting in line at a closed register.)

    Me: “Hi, would you like to buy this cat?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if I could get this in a different color?”

    Me: “Well, we have many different colors of kittens. If you’ll come with me I can show you some others we have.”

    Customer: “Well, I mean I want this model kitten, but in a different color.”

    Me: “Well, kittens don’t really work that way. They have all different fur patterns and colors.”

    Customer: “Yes. I want this fur pattern but a different color!”

    Customer’s husband: “Sweetie, I think she’s trying to say that the kittens will look different no matter what.”

    Customer: “If she wanted to sell me something, she would look for the right model kitten! This is terrible service! How dare they! Honey, we’re going to a different pet store!”

    Till Password Reset Do Us Part

    | Glasgow, UK | Spouses & Partners, Technology

    Me: “Okay, all I need now is the security password you gave us when you opened your account.”

    Customer: “No idea.”

    Me: *seeing the password is a girl’s name* “Most people choose something or someone familiar…”

    Customer: “Lisa? Scott? Elizabeth? Rusty? Oh! Is it my mother’s maiden name?”

    Me: “No, so I’m just going to check if you’ve left yourself a hint but it takes a second.”

    Customer: “Well there’s just no point in you checking it has to be one of those names. I never ever use anything else. If I did, I don’t know it. I must have set this years ago. How am I supposed to remember that?”

    Me: “Are you sure you don’t one more try? Your hint is ‘wife’.”

    Customer: “Emma! Don’t tell her I forgot that!”

    Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Pink

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Spouses & Partners

    (I get a call from a client about a wedding package I am designing.)

    Me: “Hello! Have you finalized your color scheme?”

    Client: “Well no.” *begins sobbing* “We had a fight, and I called off the wedding. I don’t need the invitations.”

    Me: “Ah. I’m very sorry to hear this, ma’am. I’ll waive my fees. Don’t worry about paying me.”

    Client: “No, I’ll pay for your work. I was wondering if you could change the text, though.”

    Me: “To what?”

    Client: “It has to say ‘You’re Invited To [Ex-Fiance's] Funeral’. And I’m thinking a hideously bright pink.”

    Unloading Marital Baggage

    | Prospect, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners

    (A man comes up to the register with a full shopping cart.)

    Me: “Paper or plastic?”

    Customer: “I’d like double bagged paper, and I’d like you to make each bag as heavy as possible.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (After I manage to get all of his groceries into three very heavy bags and bring them out to his car.)

    Customer: “In case you’re wondering, I just had a fight with my wife and it’s my turn to pick up the groceries.”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Customer: “It’s also her turn to unload the car.”

    Not All Customers Are Bona-Fido

    | USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “[Doctor's] office, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, there! I was wondering if I could get an appointment for today?”

    Me: “Most likely. What type of animal do you have?”

    Customer: *noticeable pause* “I have a dog. I just need the shots to go overseas.”

    Me: “How exciting! When are you traveling?”

    Customer: “Tomorrow. I tried to get an appointment at the other doctor, but he couldn’t fit me in.”

    Me: “Well, just for a vaccination, I think we can manage that around four p.m. today. Do you happen to know what shots your dog needs?”

    Customer: “My dog?”

    Me: “Yes…to go abroad.”

    Customer: “Why would I give shots to my dog? He’s staying here. I need shots for my wife and me.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a veterinarian’s office. We treat animals here.”

    Customer: “But my flight’s tomorrow! Can’t you make an exception?”

    Me: “Sir, that would be highly illegal. And we only carry shots designed for dogs. We don’t have the type you’d need.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’m going to report you to the state!” *click*

    (The phone rings a moment later.)

    Me: “[Doctor's] office, how can I help you today?”

    Same Customer: “Um…my wife wants to know if you have dog boarding.”


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