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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Bird Brained, Part 6

    | Kansas City, KS, USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: “No, just the bird seed will do.”

    Me: “Alright then.”

    Customer: “CACAAWW!”

    (Moments later, a similar bird call comes from the other end of the store.)

    Me: “What was that?”

    Customer: “Oh that’s my wife. We do that so we can always find each other wherever we go.”

    Related:
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 5

    Waiter Hater

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A man and his girlfriend walk in to our restaurant.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’ll be your server tonight.”

    Customer: “Yeah. What happened to your nose?”

    (I instinctively touch my nose to feel if anything is wrong with it.)

    Customer: “Gotcha! I made you touch your nose.”

    Me: “Yes, very amusing sir. Now may I interest you in–”

    Customer: “You’re zipper is undone.”

    Me: “Oh, but I’m not wearing pants with a zipper.”

    Customer: “But you probably didn’t notice your pants are split open!”

    Customer’s girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I should have just left him at home with a bowl of kibble and water.”

    Daddy’s Little Hacker

    | Oregon, USA | Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My girlfriend didn’t get her gift, and I want to know why.”

    Me: *looking into order* “Sir, I see that we received an email from you asking that we cancel the order, so we did.”

    Caller: “That’s impossible! Why would I do that? What email address was the email from?”

    (I verify his email address.)

    Caller: “Well, that’s the right address, but I didn’t send the email, you must have done it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but are you saying that I somehow hacked into your email account?”

    Caller: “Well, someone there hacked into my account!”

    Me: “Does anyone else know your password by any chance?”

    Caller: “No, I never give it out to anyone, that would be stupid.”

    Me: “At this point, I’m not sure how else to look into this. If you’re sure no one else has your password, let me get someone in our loss prevention department involved. They may know more. I’ll call you back when I have more information.”

    (I explain this all to someone in loss prevention and she calls him back. Later, she tells me what she found out.)

    Loss Prevention: “Turns out his daughter canceled the order because she doesn’t like dad’s new girlfriend.”

    Death By A-Salt

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

    Customer: “I checked your flyer and it said that [Major Brand] margarine was on sale this week.”

    Me: “I don’t believe so, but I will check our flyer to see.”

    (As I’m flipping through the pages she stops when she sees an advertisement for a sale.)

    Customer: “See, right there. It says save $2.98.”

    Me:”I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says save $2.98 when you buy [Company Brand] Margarine, not [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “Oh, well my husband needs the salt-free kind, and [Company Brand] doesn’t make a salt-free.”

    Me: “Well that’s not the one that’s on sale.”

    Customer: “Well he needs a salt-free kind.”

    Me: “Well, then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand] one.”

    Customer: “But it’s not on sale, and he needs a salt-free.”

    Me: “Yes, I heard you ma’am, but if [Company Brand], doesn’t make a salt free margarine, then you will have to buy the [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. My husband needs a salt-free margarine. If he has a normal margarine, it will spike his sodium and he’ll die.”

    Me: “Then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “But it’s not on sale.”

    Me: “Well, there’s nothing I can do about it, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You really don’t care anything about my husband’s health, do you? You don’t care that he could die so easily do you?”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s not that I don’t care. You can buy the salt-free [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “But that margarine isn’t on sale! You are just going to stand there and murder my husband!”

    Benefits Are All About Sustaining Labor

    | UK | Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Hello, benefit section new claims.”

    Caller: “My wife wants to claim for a baby.”

    Me: “Your wife just had a child? How old is the child?”

    Caller: “2 years old.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, if the child is that old you cannot receive additional benefits.”

    Caller: “But we need money.”

    Me: “I understand but it’s too late now, she could have claimed 11 weeks before the child was born or up until it was a year old. There is nothing we can do now.”

    Caller: “So how does my wife get money for a baby?”

    Me: “Well, she needs to be pregnant.”

    Caller: “Okay! I will call you back.”

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