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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Make A Bullet Point About Bertha

    | Peoria, IL, USA | Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Sir, do we need to speak with anyone other than yourself to gain access onto your property?”

    Customer: “No, no. My wife will be home. Oh yeah, and Bertha.”

    Me: “Bertha, sir?”

    Customer: “Bertha’s my shotgun, in case any of your technicians decide to get kinky with my wife.”

    How To Ensure A Blanc Stare

    | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (A elderly couple come through my counter with some wine.)

    Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*

    Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”

    Customers Wife: *laughs hysterically*

    Bird Brained, Part 6

    | Kansas City, KS, USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: “No, just the bird seed will do.”

    Me: “Alright then.”

    Customer: “CACAAWW!”

    (Moments later, a similar bird call comes from the other end of the store.)

    Me: “What was that?”

    Customer: “Oh that’s my wife. We do that so we can always find each other wherever we go.”

    Related:
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 5

    Waiter Hater

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A man and his girlfriend walk in to our restaurant.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’ll be your server tonight.”

    Customer: “Yeah. What happened to your nose?”

    (I instinctively touch my nose to feel if anything is wrong with it.)

    Customer: “Gotcha! I made you touch your nose.”

    Me: “Yes, very amusing sir. Now may I interest you in–”

    Customer: “You’re zipper is undone.”

    Me: “Oh, but I’m not wearing pants with a zipper.”

    Customer: “But you probably didn’t notice your pants are split open!”

    Customer’s girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I should have just left him at home with a bowl of kibble and water.”

    Daddy’s Little Hacker

    | Oregon, USA | Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My girlfriend didn’t get her gift, and I want to know why.”

    Me: *looking into order* “Sir, I see that we received an email from you asking that we cancel the order, so we did.”

    Caller: “That’s impossible! Why would I do that? What email address was the email from?”

    (I verify his email address.)

    Caller: “Well, that’s the right address, but I didn’t send the email, you must have done it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but are you saying that I somehow hacked into your email account?”

    Caller: “Well, someone there hacked into my account!”

    Me: “Does anyone else know your password by any chance?”

    Caller: “No, I never give it out to anyone, that would be stupid.”

    Me: “At this point, I’m not sure how else to look into this. If you’re sure no one else has your password, let me get someone in our loss prevention department involved. They may know more. I’ll call you back when I have more information.”

    (I explain this all to someone in loss prevention and she calls him back. Later, she tells me what she found out.)

    Loss Prevention: “Turns out his daughter canceled the order because she doesn’t like dad’s new girlfriend.”

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