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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Stupidity That Can Be Seen From Space

    | Salinas, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners

    (When taking a call from a customer who has a trash pickup problem I usually pull up an aerial picture to see what the property configuration is.)

    Me: “How may I help you sir?”

    Caller: “I think the garbage truck ran over my cement pad and broke the corner.”

    Me: “You mean the small pad on the north side of the driveway?”

    Caller: *long pause* “Do you memorize everyone’s property?”

    Me: “No, I pulled up your property on my computer and I’m looking at a picture of your front yard.”

    Caller: “Wow! That’s really amazing! Wait, wait, give me a second!”

    (The customer drops the phone and I can hear him calling someone as he leaves the room. About one minute later he gets back on the phone and is slightly out of breath.)

    Caller: “Can you see her now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand?”

    Caller: “My wife, my wife, she’s out on the front lawn in the white bathrobe and curlers. I can see her waving up at you!”

    A Brief Question

    | Scotland, United Kingdom | Spouses & Partners

    (I am working in a lingerie department and a male customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need help with something.”

    Me: “Sure what are you looking for?”

    Customer: “I need a bra for my wife.”

    (We go through different types and styles.)

    Me: “So what size is she?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Is she an A,B,C? How big is her back size?”

    Customer: “Well she’s smaller than you, not that you’re not pretty!”

    Me: “Right, okay. Is she the same shape as any of the other girls here?”

    (Finally we find a 32C bra and he wanders off happy. Ten minutes later he comes back up to me, slightly flustered.)

    Customer: “I cant find 32C panties!”

    When You Don’t Want A Quick Service

    | United Kingdom | Spouses & Partners

    Customer: “I’d like to take my wife’s name off the account. She’s leaving me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to here that. It looks like your wife has already called us to do that. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Oh no, it’s just all so quick. She only told me on Wednesday night and now she’s gone.”

    (I check the account history and see she called us early on Tuesday. I thought it best not to tell the customer.)

    How Not To Courier Favor In The Marriage

    | Flint, MI, USA | Spouses & Partners

    (A customer calls about a delivery.)

    Me: “Ma’am we can’t guarantee your delivery by any certain time. If you look at the order you’ll see it says estimated delivery date.”

    Caller: “I don’t care what it says. All I know is that it says today’s date between 8 am and 5 pm.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that was just the estimated date. Your order will be to your house on Monday.”

    Caller: “Are you stupid? It has today’s date on it.”

    Me: “Is there anyone else in your home that I can speak to about this?”

    Caller: “My husband, hang on.”

    (She puts husband on the phone.)

    Me: “Sir, could you please explain to your wife that the delivery is not guaranteed today? The date on the order is an estimate and it will be there on Monday.”

    Caller’s Husband: *yelling at wife* “God d*** can’t you f***ing read! It says estimated date right there. It will be here Monday! Tell the guy you’re sorry for being a dumba**.”

    (He puts wife back on the phone.)

    Caller: “I’m sorry I didn’t see that. Have a nice night.” *click*

    Bride Denied

    | Iowa City, IA, USA | Money, Spouses & Partners

    (Two women walk in.)

    Me: “Hi how can I help you?”

    Customer: “We’d like to return this dinnerware set. It comes from a registry so here that is also.”

    Me: “Okay. Is there anything wrong with it?”

    Customer: “No, we just decided we didn’t like the bride that much.”

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