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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    When You Don’t Want A Quick Service

    | United Kingdom | Spouses & Partners

    Customer: “I’d like to take my wife’s name off the account. She’s leaving me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to here that. It looks like your wife has already called us to do that. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Oh no, it’s just all so quick. She only told me on Wednesday night and now she’s gone.”

    (I check the account history and see she called us early on Tuesday. I thought it best not to tell the customer.)

    How Not To Courier Favor In The Marriage

    | Flint, MI, USA | Spouses & Partners

    (A customer calls about a delivery.)

    Me: “Ma’am we can’t guarantee your delivery by any certain time. If you look at the order you’ll see it says estimated delivery date.”

    Caller: “I don’t care what it says. All I know is that it says today’s date between 8 am and 5 pm.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that was just the estimated date. Your order will be to your house on Monday.”

    Caller: “Are you stupid? It has today’s date on it.”

    Me: “Is there anyone else in your home that I can speak to about this?”

    Caller: “My husband, hang on.”

    (She puts husband on the phone.)

    Me: “Sir, could you please explain to your wife that the delivery is not guaranteed today? The date on the order is an estimate and it will be there on Monday.”

    Caller’s Husband: *yelling at wife* “God d*** can’t you f***ing read! It says estimated date right there. It will be here Monday! Tell the guy you’re sorry for being a dumba**.”

    (He puts wife back on the phone.)

    Caller: “I’m sorry I didn’t see that. Have a nice night.” *click*

    Bride Denied

    | Iowa City, IA, USA | Money, Spouses & Partners

    (Two women walk in.)

    Me: “Hi how can I help you?”

    Customer: “We’d like to return this dinnerware set. It comes from a registry so here that is also.”

    Me: “Okay. Is there anything wrong with it?”

    Customer: “No, we just decided we didn’t like the bride that much.”

    Make A Bullet Point About Bertha

    | Peoria, IL, USA | Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Sir, do we need to speak with anyone other than yourself to gain access onto your property?”

    Customer: “No, no. My wife will be home. Oh yeah, and Bertha.”

    Me: “Bertha, sir?”

    Customer: “Bertha’s my shotgun, in case any of your technicians decide to get kinky with my wife.”

    How To Ensure A Blanc Stare

    | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (A elderly couple come through my counter with some wine.)

    Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*

    Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”

    Customers Wife: *laughs hysterically*

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