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  • Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Marriage Bed(ding)

    | Ontario, Canada | Spouses & Partners

    (A male customer comes up to the return desk holding a bagged bedding set.)

    Me: “Hi sir, would you like to return that?”

    Man: “Yes please.”

    Me: “May I ask why?”

    Man: “Um…my wife told me to?”

    Me: “Good enough for me!”

    If Only They Ran On Hot Air

    | Wisconsin, USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners

    Customer: “I’d like to ask someone about my watches. It’s not working right. I think it’s broken.”

    Me: “Oh. Yes, the second hand doesn’t seem to be moving much. The battery is probably dying.”

    Customer: “But my husband bought this for me!”

    Me: “Well, we don’t sell batteries here, but I–”

    Customer: “He just bought it here!”

    Me: “Do you see another one like it in the display?”

    Customer: “No! But I’ve only been wearing it for a month or two!”

    Me: “It does look like it’s the battery because the hands are still moving, just not moving on time. It would be unusual for our batteries to die that soon. Do you have the original receipt?

    Customer: “Why would I have that? He bought it 3 or 4 years ago!

    Me: “Oh. If he bought the watch 3 or 4 years ago, then it probably is the battery.”

    Customer: “But I’ve only been wearing it for a month or two!”

    Me: “If it was purchased several years ago, the battery has been running for several years.”

    Customer: “But why would it run when I’m not wearing it?!”

    Stupidity That Can Be Seen From Space

    | Salinas, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners

    (When taking a call from a customer who has a trash pickup problem I usually pull up an aerial picture to see what the property configuration is.)

    Me: “How may I help you sir?”

    Caller: “I think the garbage truck ran over my cement pad and broke the corner.”

    Me: “You mean the small pad on the north side of the driveway?”

    Caller: *long pause* “Do you memorize everyone’s property?”

    Me: “No, I pulled up your property on my computer and I’m looking at a picture of your front yard.”

    Caller: “Wow! That’s really amazing! Wait, wait, give me a second!”

    (The customer drops the phone and I can hear him calling someone as he leaves the room. About one minute later he gets back on the phone and is slightly out of breath.)

    Caller: “Can you see her now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand?”

    Caller: “My wife, my wife, she’s out on the front lawn in the white bathrobe and curlers. I can see her waving up at you!”

    A Brief Question

    | Scotland, United Kingdom | Spouses & Partners

    (I am working in a lingerie department and a male customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need help with something.”

    Me: “Sure what are you looking for?”

    Customer: “I need a bra for my wife.”

    (We go through different types and styles.)

    Me: “So what size is she?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Is she an A,B,C? How big is her back size?”

    Customer: “Well she’s smaller than you, not that you’re not pretty!”

    Me: “Right, okay. Is she the same shape as any of the other girls here?”

    (Finally we find a 32C bra and he wanders off happy. Ten minutes later he comes back up to me, slightly flustered.)

    Customer: “I cant find 32C panties!”

    When You Don’t Want A Quick Service

    | United Kingdom | Spouses & Partners

    Customer: “I’d like to take my wife’s name off the account. She’s leaving me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to here that. It looks like your wife has already called us to do that. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Oh no, it’s just all so quick. She only told me on Wednesday night and now she’s gone.”

    (I check the account history and see she called us early on Tuesday. I thought it best not to tell the customer.)

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