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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Married To No One Inn Particular

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m checking in a woman who walked into our hotel. We have 2 rooms left, and are one of the pricier hotels in the area.)

    Me: “Your room will be [price] plus tax per night.”

    Customer: “You don’t have anything cheaper?”

    Me: “Not right now. We are almost sold out tonight.”

    Customer: “Not triple A?”

    Me: No, I’m sorry.

    Customer: *mumbling* “My house burned down!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry.”

    Customer: *mumbling* “I’m dying!”

    Me: “Uhm…”

    Customer: “My husband just died!”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “He was in the military! I want a room for a hundred dollars less!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t ever offer rooms that low. There are hotels right across the street that do, though.”

    Customer: “No! I want to stay here! My husband loves this place. It’s the only place he will stay.”

    Me: “Your deceased husband?”

    Customer: “Uh, no, the other one.”

    Me: “Your other husband?”

    Customer: “Just give me a room.”

    (She gets keys, walks out of the hotel, and returns with a man.)

    Customer: “See, he isn’t dead!”

    Me: “I’m glad to see that.”

    Customer: *to man* “She was trying to kill you!”

    A Serious Case Of Old-Timers

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Spouses & Partners

    (I am cutting the hair of an 86 year old man. He asks if I’m from the area, and I tell him I live in an apartment building near by.)

    Customer: “So you live there with your husband?”

    Me: “I live there with my boyfriend and my best friend.”

    Customer: “You live with your boyfriend?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “And you’re not married?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “But you live together?”

    Me: “Right.”

    Customer: “I’ve never heard of that before.”

    Marriage Bed(ding)

    | Ontario, Canada | Spouses & Partners

    (A male customer comes up to the return desk holding a bagged bedding set.)

    Me: “Hi sir, would you like to return that?”

    Man: “Yes please.”

    Me: “May I ask why?”

    Man: “Um…my wife told me to?”

    Me: “Good enough for me!”

    If Only They Ran On Hot Air

    | Wisconsin, USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners

    Customer: “I’d like to ask someone about my watches. It’s not working right. I think it’s broken.”

    Me: “Oh. Yes, the second hand doesn’t seem to be moving much. The battery is probably dying.”

    Customer: “But my husband bought this for me!”

    Me: “Well, we don’t sell batteries here, but I–”

    Customer: “He just bought it here!”

    Me: “Do you see another one like it in the display?”

    Customer: “No! But I’ve only been wearing it for a month or two!”

    Me: “It does look like it’s the battery because the hands are still moving, just not moving on time. It would be unusual for our batteries to die that soon. Do you have the original receipt?

    Customer: “Why would I have that? He bought it 3 or 4 years ago!

    Me: “Oh. If he bought the watch 3 or 4 years ago, then it probably is the battery.”

    Customer: “But I’ve only been wearing it for a month or two!”

    Me: “If it was purchased several years ago, the battery has been running for several years.”

    Customer: “But why would it run when I’m not wearing it?!”

    Stupidity That Can Be Seen From Space

    | Salinas, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners

    (When taking a call from a customer who has a trash pickup problem I usually pull up an aerial picture to see what the property configuration is.)

    Me: “How may I help you sir?”

    Caller: “I think the garbage truck ran over my cement pad and broke the corner.”

    Me: “You mean the small pad on the north side of the driveway?”

    Caller: *long pause* “Do you memorize everyone’s property?”

    Me: “No, I pulled up your property on my computer and I’m looking at a picture of your front yard.”

    Caller: “Wow! That’s really amazing! Wait, wait, give me a second!”

    (The customer drops the phone and I can hear him calling someone as he leaves the room. About one minute later he gets back on the phone and is slightly out of breath.)

    Caller: “Can you see her now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand?”

    Caller: “My wife, my wife, she’s out on the front lawn in the white bathrobe and curlers. I can see her waving up at you!”


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