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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Redress Address For Mistress Distress

    | Wisconsin, USA | Spouses & Partners, Top

    Customer: “I’m canceling my credit card. You stupid idiots sent a statement to the wrong house!”

    Me: “I do apologize if we sent your statement to the wrong address, but if you’d like, we can correct the address on file so that you can get your statements. What address would you like to receive them at?”

    Customer: “No, you don’t get it. I am CANCELING! This was supposed to be a joint account with my boyfriend, but you f***ing idiots sent the statement to my boyfriend’s house because that was the address he signed up with. It’s your fault that his WIFE found it!”

    The Other Other Woman

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Spouses & Partners

    (A couple, about mid-30s, comes up to the counter. The man has an account, but no card or ID on him. Her name is apparently on the account, though. Asking for his name, I pull up his account. As she’s fishing in her purse for ID, I look at his account. There are two women’s names on the account.)

    Me: “Ah, so you must be [first female's first name]?”

    (Suddenly, the wife fires off a hateful look at her husband.)

    Wife, to husband: “I thought you took your ex-wife’s name off the account!”

    Me: “Oh geez, I’m sorry. He probably just added you, not realizing her name was still on there. You must be [second female's first name].”

    (She gives me an ice cold stare.)

    Wife: “NO, I’M NOT!” *storms out*

    Him: “Well, guess these are for me, then.” *rents the movies and leaves, blushing redder than an apple*

    Someone’s Been Sliced Down To Size

    | Sarasota, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

    Customer: “Can I have this loaf of bread sliced?”

    Me: “Absolutely. Would you like that sliced thin or regular?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know what you call it, but I want it sliced like this…”

    (He pulls slice of bread from his pocket and hands it to me.)

    Customer: “You can keep that. The wife and I couldn’t agree on how thick it was, so I thought it would be best to bring in a piece from the last loaf and let an expert look at it. ”

    (At this point I’m a little dumbfounded, and trying hard to keep a straight face.)

    Customer: “Yeah, the wife’s idea of four inches and my idea of four inches aren’t exactly the same thing, if you know what I mean.”

    (I slice the loaf of bread for the man and hand it to him.)

    Me: *laughing* “Here’s your bread, sir. Have a nice day.”

    Til Delivery Do Us Part

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am! It’s [my name] from [store name]! I wanted to let you know your order came in—”

    Customer: “Oh! Yes, would you ship it—oh, hold on.”

    (There’s long pause.)

    Customer: “Actually, will you call me back in a couple days? I’m just sitting here waiting for my husband to die.”

    Me: *taken aback* “Oh, my…I am so sorry your husband is ill, ma’am—”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Don’t forget to call me, okay? Bye!” *click*

    Good Luck Getting A Word In Equal-wise

    | Norway | Spouses & Partners

    (I work for a power company. When we call up a customer, we only get the name of the person the bills are sent to, and it’s not unusual for us to speak with his or her spouse instead. This was apparently the case here. It should be noted that I am female.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, this is [my name] from [power company]. Is [husband's name] available?”

    Customer: “Let me tell you, in this house, we are equal! I want nothing of that around here!”

    Me: “I am very sorry if you took offence, ma’am, but I only saw your husband’s name on my screen—”

    Customer: “Well, we are equal! If you’re going to come here with that kind of thing, I want nothing more to do with you!”

    Me: “Yes, I do apologise, but—”

    Customer: “If that is how you people treat us, you can forget about us being customers! In this house, we’re equal!”

    Me: “I am very sorry, and I apologize for any inconvenience!”

    Customer: *hangs up*

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