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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Someone’s Been Sliced Down To Size

    | Sarasota, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

    Customer: “Can I have this loaf of bread sliced?”

    Me: “Absolutely. Would you like that sliced thin or regular?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know what you call it, but I want it sliced like this…”

    (He pulls slice of bread from his pocket and hands it to me.)

    Customer: “You can keep that. The wife and I couldn’t agree on how thick it was, so I thought it would be best to bring in a piece from the last loaf and let an expert look at it. ”

    (At this point I’m a little dumbfounded, and trying hard to keep a straight face.)

    Customer: “Yeah, the wife’s idea of four inches and my idea of four inches aren’t exactly the same thing, if you know what I mean.”

    (I slice the loaf of bread for the man and hand it to him.)

    Me: *laughing* “Here’s your bread, sir. Have a nice day.”

    Til Delivery Do Us Part

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am! It’s [my name] from [store name]! I wanted to let you know your order came in—”

    Customer: “Oh! Yes, would you ship it—oh, hold on.”

    (There’s long pause.)

    Customer: “Actually, will you call me back in a couple days? I’m just sitting here waiting for my husband to die.”

    Me: *taken aback* “Oh, my…I am so sorry your husband is ill, ma’am—”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Don’t forget to call me, okay? Bye!” *click*

    Good Luck Getting A Word In Equal-wise

    | Norway | Spouses & Partners

    (I work for a power company. When we call up a customer, we only get the name of the person the bills are sent to, and it’s not unusual for us to speak with his or her spouse instead. This was apparently the case here. It should be noted that I am female.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, this is [my name] from [power company]. Is [husband's name] available?”

    Customer: “Let me tell you, in this house, we are equal! I want nothing of that around here!”

    Me: “I am very sorry if you took offence, ma’am, but I only saw your husband’s name on my screen—”

    Customer: “Well, we are equal! If you’re going to come here with that kind of thing, I want nothing more to do with you!”

    Me: “Yes, I do apologise, but—”

    Customer: “If that is how you people treat us, you can forget about us being customers! In this house, we’re equal!”

    Me: “I am very sorry, and I apologize for any inconvenience!”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Don’t Get Your Pantyhose In A Twist

    | Canada | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

    (The phone rings. My co-worker, a very proper, older lady, answers it.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [name of store] Beauty Department. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you have pantyhose on?”

    Coworker: “I beg your pardon?”

    Caller: “Do you have pantyhose on?”

    Coworker: *shocked* “Oh my! Such filth! I have never in my life!”

    (She hangs up and runs to the break room completely flustered. A minute later the phone rings again and I answer it this time.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store name] Beauty Department, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes hello, I would like to know if you have pantyhose on sale this week? My husband called to check for me a moment ago and somebody hung up on him.”

    Get The Correct Word, Step By Step

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Funny Names, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m stocking the shelves in the electronics/gadgets section when a husband and wife come over. The husband is shouting behind the wife.)

    Husband, to me: “Pedometer! She wants a PEDOMETER!”

    Wife, to husband: “Shut up! I know what I want!”

    Husband: “Tell her it’s a Pedometer!”

    Wife, to me: “Hi, do you have any pedofi–”

    Me: “Pedometers!”

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