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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

    Data Can Be Fluid

    | NJ, USA | Spouses & Partners, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at an office supply store that also sells technology. I work in the supplies department, and get a call:)

    Me: “Office supplies, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I was wondering, do you have hard drive fluid?”

    Me: “…hard drive fluid? That’s… not a thing.”

    Customer: “Yes, it is! Do you have any?!”

    Me: “Let me transfer you to the technology department. They’ll be able to assist you.”

    (I transfer him to a coworker who comes to talk to me after.)

    Coworker: “Hard drive fluid?”

    Me: “Yeah, I have no idea.”

    Coworker: “You know that was your boyfriend, right?”

    Me: “No…”

    (That was not the first, or last, time my boyfriend called to prank the store, where he previously worked, although he never tried it on me again.)

    Party Supplies In His Pants

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Technology

    (I am working the tablet display counter when a man walks in with his wife.)

    Customer: “So, what’s the difference between these two tablets?”

    Me: “This one has a faster processor and is better for playing video games or watching movies.”

    Customer: “Good, because I’ll need the larger screen to watch all that po-… uh, party supplies…”

    (At this, I can’t keep it together. The wife promptly collects her husband and leaves. As they’re leaving, he says…)

    Customer: “I wanted to look at party supplies, honest…”

    The ‘M’ Is Not For Monogamy

    | USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Technology

    Customer: “I can’t remember my password. Help?”

    (I verify his identity.)

    Me: “Your hint is ‘wife’s name.’”

    Customer: “Crap, which one?”

    Me: “It… starts with an ‘m?’”

    Customer: “Oh, that one. Thanks!”

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 12

    | Kolding, Denmark | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

    (It is shortly after the EU release of the popular video game ‘Grand Theft Auto V.’ I have just gotten off from work, and am walking through the supermarket I work at to get to the employee exit. I have just entered the beverage section of the supermarket, when suddenly a guy around the age of 18 comes crashing into one of the beverages coolers on a three-wheel kids bike.)

    Me: “Whaa-”

    (Before i get to react, he turns his head to me, still sitting on the bike, and looks at me.)

    Customer: “Yo, give me all your money, b****!”

    (I just stand completely confused, when suddenly he turns his head back down the aisle he came from.)

    Customer: “Aww, f***, they are on to me!”

    (He quickly pedals away from me on the little bike, followed by a girl I presumed to be his girlfriend running after him. She faces me shortly before running after him.)

    Customer’s Girlfriend: “I’m so sorry. He has been playing that new Grand Theft Auto game all week.”

    Customer: *a couple of aisles away* “You ain’t getting me punk!”

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 11
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9

    Marriage Of The Undead

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners

    (I work in a call center for a student loan servicing company. I deal with many difficult callers each day, as people get very upset over their loans. I have just spent an hour arguing with a woman as to why her loans were delinquent and I am quite frazzled.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I received a letter from you that says ”our condolences on the loss of your son.”

    (I check the account. The borrower has indeed been reported as deceased and we are waiting for the death certificate in order to discharge the loans.)

    Me: “Yes, sir. I am terribly sorry for your loss. Do you have any questions on the discharge process?”

    Caller: “Yes. My son isn’t dead.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Yeah, do you want to talk to him?”

    Me: “Uh… yes, please.”

    Caller: “Okay. Here he is.”

    Son: “Hello. As far as I know, I am not dead, unless I am the first recorded instance of the zombie apocalypse.”

    (At this point I start giggling helplessly. The son laughs, too.)

    Son: “Out of curiosity, why do you guys think I’m dead?”

    Me: “Well, sir, you were reported deceased by [Name].”

    Son: “Oh. That’s my ex-wife. She must have been trying to mess up my credit. Is this going to hurt me at all?”

    Me: “Not in the slightest, sir.”

    Son: “Ha. Sucks to be her. Have a lovely day, miss.”

    Me: “Thank you, sir. Please don’t bite anyone.”

    Son: “But where’s the fun in that?”

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