Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

Refuses To Walk A Mile In Full Price Shoes

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Money, Spouses & Partners

(We are currently having a shoe sale which is ‘buy two and get a third pair half price.’ The sign also states they have to be purchased in the one transaction. A woman comes in; her English is not very good so communication is a little difficult. She has bought two pairs on a previous day and now wants a third pair half price. I try to explain to her about the one transaction rule, but she looks very confused. She is very nice and I feel bad for her. She leaves looking confused and disappointed. Only after do I think of returning the two pairs she previously bought and then selling them back to her together with the discount. A little while later she comes back with her husband, who speaks better English. I’m happy to see her since figuring out a solution, until her husband opens his mouth and is extremely rude.)

Husband: “You need to sell these to my wife at half price like your sign says.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I tried to explain that the deal is—”

Husband: “—I don’t care what the ‘deeeaaalll’  is. My wife bought two shoes so she gets a third pair half price.”

Me: “Okay, I understand. Like I was saying they have to be bought in the same transaction but—”

Husband: “I. DON’T. CARE. You refused to serve my wife. Now you will give them to her half price or I want to see a manager!”

Me: “I’m sorry if I have upset your wife, and I’m happy to help. Just let me just explain first. I can’t override the system but what I can do is—”

Husband: “NO! This is ridiculous.” *he rants for a while longer, then smiles weirdly* “You know what, I just want to return these two shoes for a full refund.” *he then turns and murmurs to his wife* “Then we’ll just buy them back and get the half price.” *sniggers*

Me: *inwardly sighing* “Okay, I can refund them if you like.”

(As I’m doing the refund he is murmuring nasty things under his breath and I’m tempted to refuse service, but I feel bad for his wife so just keep smiling and decide to kill him with kindness. I finish the refund and then straight away put the sale back through with all three items, with the half price included.)

Me: “Sir, the refund is all done.”

Husband: *talking down to me very smugly* “Excellent. Now here is what we’re going to do. I’m going to buy all three of these back, with the half price. What do you think of that?”

Me: “That’s a very good idea, sir. I did try to tell you I could do that for you before. In fact, I’ve already put the sale through for you, I just need you to sign here for your card and I can print the receipt for you.”

(The shock on his face was priceless. I sincerely hope his wife enjoyed those shoes… and found a better husband.)

Pulled Something Out Of The Bag

| AK, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners

(I’m checking out and bagging for a customer with a reputation for being a little difficult and picky about the way her items are bagged. Normally I get this feeling of dread because she always comes to my lane, even when everyone else’s are open. But today her husband comes up.)

Customer: “Oh! [Husband], let me introduce you to this cashier!”

Me: “Uhm… hello.”

Husband: “Hi?”

Customer: “Listen to this, [Husband]. This is my FAVORITE cashier here. I mean, she’s always just so POLITE and PATIENT with me, ‘yes ma’am,’ ‘thank you, ma’am’… I always go to her lane; she’s much better than those other cashiers!” *to me* “Thank you, honey!”

Me: “No problem… That’ll be [total].”

(The customer and her husband leave, and honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever see her the same again!)

He Is Weigh Out Of Line

, | WA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

(It is a few days before Christmas. One of my coworkers is nearby.)

Me: “Hi there, sir. Are you finding everything all right?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m just trying to decide which size sweater would fit my wife better.”

Me: “Do you know what size she normally wears?”

Customer: “Not really, but she is bigger than you… especially in the breasts… She is more like your size!” *gesturing to my coworker*

(Turns around to address my coworker.)

Customer: “What do you weigh?”

Optional Advice

| Toronto, ON, USA | Crazy Requests, School, Spouses & Partners

Student: “This is an emergency! I need help NOW!”

Me: “Did you need me to call 9-1-1, or simply directions to the nearest hospital?”

Student: “No! I need to talk to a career counselor NOW!”

Me: “The career advisors work on an appointment basis. How does next Tuesday work for you?”

Student: “No! I need to talk to somebody NOW!”

Me: “Well, I suppose I can help you. What question do you need answered?”

Student: “I was offered two jobs and I need somebody to tell me what to do.”

Me: “Congratulations on the two job offers. Please tell me more about each position.”

Student: “One job is in Toronto and the other is in Windsor.”

Me: “Well, is relocation an option?”

Student: “I don’t want to leave Toronto.”

Me: “Well, I believe you’ve made your decision.”

Student: “But the job in Windsor pays $20,000 more per year.”

Me: “Is relocation an option?”

Student: “My wife doesn’t want to leave Toronto.”

Me: “Is divorce an option?”

Very Week Time-Keeping

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners

(A customer, with her husband in tow, seems to be having trouble locating the product she wants on the shelf, so I offer to help.)

Me: “Were you looking for something in particular?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for [product].”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. That product was actually discontinued about six months ago.”

Customer: “What? That’s impossible! I just bought one a week ago!”

Customer’s Husband: *perfectly calm and quiet* “No, honey, it was longer ago than that.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe a month ago, but still—”

Customer’s Husband: *still completely calm and composed* “No, it was more than a month ago.”

Customer: “Well, whenever it was, it was definitely less than six months ago!”

Customer’s Husband: *still taking it all in stride* “No, six months ago sounds about right.”

(At this point, the woman looks pretty annoyed at her husband, but I think she realizes he is correct and there is no point in fighting it.)

Customer: “…fine. I guess I got it six months ago.”

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