November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

Doesn’t Have A Good Frame On Pricing

| MD, USA | Money, Spouses & Partners

(I work in the framing department of a big name arts and crafts store. I’ve just finished an order for a female customer that comes out to about $170 total. (We have a good sale on; her original total was about $450). She realizes her husband has her wallet and groans a bit.)

Customer: “Shoot. My husband will never go for this. I knew I should have taken my wallet with me.”

(She calls her husband and he comes over.)

Customer’s Husband: “Wow, that looks good!” *he sees the total* “It’s going to be how much?! Are you kidding me?”

Customer: “Honey, it’s for [Son]’s college graduation. We were going to give him that much on a gift card anyway.”

(They argue for a while, while I stand there feeling horribly awkward.)

Customer’s Husband: “No, that’s ridiculous. I bet I could get this guy I know to do it for $50. I work on his boats; he’ll do it for me.”

(Note that $50 isn’t even enough to cover the discounted glass, let alone frame and assembly.)

Customer: “Fine. Talk to your guy.”

(As he stomps off the wife turns back to me.)

Customer: “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

(I worked the next night, and yes, she did come back.)

The Strife Of A Housewife

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Technology

(I’m a customer shopping for fridges. I find one I like and go to find an employee to purchase the fridge. The only employee who handles fridges is talking to another customer.)

Customer: “So, this fridge… keeps things… cold?” *he asks very skeptical*

Employee: “Yes, sir, the general point of all fridges are to keep things cold.”

Customer: “No. My wife and I used to have a fridge that cooks things.”

(Not only is the employee just stunned by this statement, but everyone around who hears this pulls a face.)

Employee: “A fridge… that cooks things?”

Customer: “Yes, you put stuff like vegetables, milk, and chicken in it. And when you take the chicken or vegetables out they’re all cooked.”

Employee: “So they’re all cooked and ready to eat right now?”

Customer: “No! What do you think I’m dumb or something?”

Employee: “No, I’m just trying to find the particular item you’re looking for… So, you put in raw chicken and veggies and it cooks them automatically?”

Customer: “Yes. Put them in raw, and then they come out cooked.” *explains as if the employee is slow*

Employee: “Does it cook the milk as well?”

Customer: “NO! That would be dumb. It would just spoil instantly. It just keeps the drinks cool.”

Employee: “Hmmm, I can’t seem to think of the item you’re looking for. Let me get someone a bit more knowledgeable.”

(Hearing this, I come to realize that apparently there are other employees I could ask for help, but at this point I’m really curious as to what this man is talking about. The employee shortly returns with an older employee.)

Old Employee: “So you put in raw food and it comes out cooked right?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Old Employee: “Okay… and when you put in drinks or milk it keeps them cold right?”

Customer: “Yes.” *looks at younger employee* “See, he clearly knows what I’m talking about.”

Old Employee: “So, out of curiosity, when your wife takes out the cooked food… did you by chance re-heat it?”

Customer: “Well, duh…”

Old Employee: “Duh what, sir?”

Customer: “Of course she had to heat it up. The fridge kept it cold like it was suppose too. DUH!”

(It is at this moment where the customer’s wife has come to re-join her husband after looking at other appliances.)

Customer’s Wife: “So, did you have any luck finding a new fridge, hun?”

Customer: “No… I tried to find one that cooks like our old one but they don’t have it.”

Customer’s Wife: “A fridge that… cooks?”

Customer: “Yeah, just like our old one. You know, you put the chicken in raw and you take it back out later before dinner and it’s all cooked. Just like last night.”

Customer’s Wife: “Hunny… I cooked that chicken and put it back in the fridge. Fridges don’t cook food. They just keep them cold.”

Customer: *turns beet red in embarrassment as he finally realizes just how stupid of a moment he had* “Um, I think it’s time to leave.”

(The husband left in a hurried walk, with his wife in tow saying, ‘But what about the fridge, Hunny? What about the fridge?’)

Jumps Straight To Red Alert

| USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners, Technology

Woman: *slams a phone on the counter* “You’re going to block her, right now!”

Me: “Uh… Welcome to [Store], ma’am. Can I help you?”

Woman: *very slowly* “You’re… going… to… block… her… noooowww.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I got that the first time. Who am I blocking and why?”

Woman: “Amber! She keeps calling my husband and I think he’s meeting her on the side! I want her blocked! I’ll pay you double if you trace her.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t trace people here. I don’t think it’s possible or even legal for us to do so, even if we could. May I see the number?”

(She pulls it up in her history and I feel a part of me die inside.)

Me: “Ma’am… that’s an Amber Alert.”

Woman: “I know! BLOCK HER NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, an Amber Alert is a nationwide message sent to all phones telling people to be on the lookout for abducted children. You probably have one, too.”

Woman: “Isn’t she just stalking me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. She’s telling you to currently be on the lookout for a missing little girl named [Child’s Name], taken in a white Subaru about a day ago. The Amber Alert is not trying to steal your husband.”

(After much coaxing, the woman left, still skeptical and still eyeing her phone suspiciously. My coworkers still laugh about it.)

You’re Like Crazy Beautiful!

| Wichita, KS, USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

(I work in an adult-themed store and it is my very first day after training. I am doing some cleaning after opening the store and my very first customer of the day comes in.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for something fun for my girlfriend.”

Me: “Okay, well, we have a huge selection.”

Customer: *as I’m explaining a toy to him, he interrupts me* “How can you work here and not want to f*** all the time? Oh, hey, do you, haha, test out all the stuff here during downtime?”

Me: “Um. No. No.”

(A while later, I’m ringing him up, thanking him, etc.)

Customer: “I wanna buy you a vibrator. Can I buy you a vibrator?”

Me: “No. I’m married.”

(He leaves without incident, but a few hours later, he comes back, hands me a note, and leaves in a hurry. It said “My name’s [Name] and I think you’re really pretty. You should call or text me.”)

Me: *to myself* “Gee, I thought this guy had a GIRLFRIEND!”

(Over two months later during the Valentine’s Day rush, he comes back. He bought some stuff and left, but then came back a few hours later with his girlfriend!)

Customer: “See, I told you she was pretty!”

Me: “Um, thank you?”

Girlfriend: “Oh, my god, yes; are you married?”

Me: “Yes, I am. I’ve been married for a few years.”

(The girlfriend picks out a wig, which disturbingly is the only one in the store that’s the same color as my hair…)

Girlfriend: *turning to the woman behind her in the checkout line* “OMG, you’re gorgeous! Honey, just look at how beautiful this woman is!”

(At this point, she starts telling everyone else in the store to look at how beautiful this woman is, so I ring her up as quickly as possible and say goodbye. The woman behind them steps up.)

Woman: “The h*** was that?!”

Me: “I don’t even know. They’re crazy; I’m so sorry about that!”

Woman: “No, it’s okay, I just… I’m so confused! At least it was something nice she pointed out.”

(The insane couple insisted they were there all the time… I haven’t seen them since.)

Most People At The Checkout Have Already Checked Out

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners

(A very friendly couple come up to my jewelry counter and pick out an anniversary piece for the wife. As I’m preparing her necklace, they pass the time by looking through one of the other nearby jewelry cases.)

Wife: *to husband* “What do you think about that pearl necklace, honey?”

Husband: “I don’t know; I wouldn’t be the one wearing it. You said I’m not allowed to wear your pearls anymore.”

Wife: “No, I said you’re not allowed to wear my underwear anymore.”

Husband: *to me* “Never a dull moment in our house.”

Wife: *to me* “We’re just joking, of course.”

Me: “You’d be surprised how many kinds of people come through here, ma’am…”

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