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    Category: School

    He Has Been Governated

    | USA | School, Top

    (We are having a political event at our school, and many politicians are attending, including the Governor of the state. There is a free lunch, but we get less than half the people we expect, so we start giving lunch to random people who happen to be walking by.)

    Student: *cuts in line*

    Man behind him: “Excuse me, you cut the line.”

    Student: “Do you know who I am?”

    (I don’t know who the student is, but I do know who the man behind him is, so I’m concealing my laughter.)

    Man behind him: “No, but I’m not allowed to cut the line either and I doubt you’re allowed to.”

    Student: “Excuse me? Who do you think you are?”

    Man behind him: “The Governor. And you are?”

    Taking The Big Out Of Bigotry

    | Orange, NJ, USA | Bigotry, Religion, School, Top

    (I am female. My girlfriend picks up my teen niece from school and they meet me at my job everyday. On this day, my niece’s school has a “Pride Day”, so my niece is dressed in purple and has a rainbow-colored band around her upper arm. A customer has noticed.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. Are you gay?”

    My Niece: “No, ma’am. Why do you ask?”

    Customer: “Because your band says ‘gay’ on it.”

    My Niece: “Oh! It actually says ‘I support gays’. Today was Pride Day at my school. That’s also why my band is rainbow and I’m wearing so much purple.”

    Customer: *very loudly* “You will go to Hell for telling people to sin! You are encouraging people to disobey God!”

    My Niece: “To be honest, ma’am, I am an atheist. But my school’s principal is Christian and he announced the Pride Day.”

    Customer: “You will burn in Hell! How does your family feel about you disobeying God’s word?”

    My Niece: “Actually, my parents are okay with me being an atheist. Also, you see that lady over there who helped you?” *points to me* “She’s my aunt, and that woman there—” *points to my girlfriend* “—is her girlfriend, and they’ve been together for 14 years. They’re also Christians.”

    Customer: “Heathens! Filthy, devil-worshipping heathens is what you all are! You will have to face God one day!”

    (My niece has been smiling throughout this whole exchange, as if she’s completely unbothered by the customer’s comments.)

    My Niece: “Ma’am, correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t Christians believe that God loves all His children? And isn’t Christianity about ‘loving thy neighbor’? If that’s true, why are you such a closed-minded, air-headed bigot who tries to use religion as a weapon? I think you are just using being Christian as a mask for your hatred. Unless what I’ve just said is false, I don’t think you know what it means to be Christian.”

    (The customer was rendered speechless and stormed out the door, almost leaving her bags behind until my niece kindly reminded her.)

    Casting An Extra Super Duper Ginormously Wide Net, Part 2

    | Toronto, Canada | Crazy Requests, School

    Me: “Thank you for calling [college]. How can I direct your call?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for a student.”

    Me: “Certainly. Do you have the student’s name?”

    Caller: “I met them at an event at our church and wanted to talk to them about what they’re studying.”

    Me: “That seems quite reasonable. If you give me their name, I can either route your call to their dorm room, or leave them a message in their student mailbox.”

    Caller: “Well, I didn’t catch their name. Are there a lot of students there? Could I describe them to you?”

    Me: “We have about 1400 students, but I do know most of them in dorm, so we can give it a try.”

    Caller: “Okay. They’re Asian.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but roughly half of our student population is of Chinese descent. I’m afraid that doesn’t really narrow it down much.”

    Caller: “Oh. They’re male?”

    Me: “Sorry, that’s still a large percentage of our student body.”

    Caller: “They’re studying the Bible.”

    Me: “This is a Bible college, so I’m afraid that doesn’t narrow it down at all.”

    Caller: “Is there a way that you could just announce over a speaker or something, that someone is looking to speak with a student that was at [church name] this past Sunday?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I can’t interrupt classes to do that.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay.” *click*

    Related:
    Casting An Extra Super Duper Ginormously Wide Net

    All Set For Higher Standards

    | Southfield, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, School

    (I work at a test proctoring facility. A student has just finished taking his placement exams.)

    Me: “Alright, you placed into University Physics and Calculus 1.”

    Student: “Okay.”

    Me: “Do you have any last questions?”

    Student: “Who do I talk to about registration?”

    Me: “Go upstairs to Admissions. They should be able to help you.”

    Student: “Okay.” *stands there*

    Me: “…Anything else I can help you with?”

    Student: “Nope.” *stands there*

    Me: “Okay… you’re all set.”

    Student: “Okay.” *stands there*

    (I try to subtly signal the student to move on by shuffling my papers.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Student: “Nope.” *stands there*

    Me: “So… your scores have been entered into the database. So… you’re all set.”

    Student: “Oh, I’m all set?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Student: “Oh, okay!” *leaves*

    Home Doesn’t Always Work

    | Midlands, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, School, Top

    (I am a year 5 class teacher. I’m dismissing my class of nine and ten year olds at the end of the day when a mother approaches me.)

    Mother: “My son’s not been doing his homework!”

    Me: “I know. He hasn’t handed his homework in for several weeks now.”

    Mother: “Well, I’m not very happy about this!”

    Me: “No, nor am I.”

    Mother: “So, what are you going to do about it?”

    Me: “I can’t make him do his homework. His homework is to be completed at home.”

    Mother: “Why?”


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