Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
    (1,916 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: School

    Drop(out) The Bomb

    | AB, Canada | School, Underaged

    (I live in a small town; as such, little stories such as ‘so and so made this all star team’ or ‘this person went to a university’s honor band” frequently appear in the newspaper. During high school, I was part of the later group until I started university, where my name would continue to appear in the Dean’s List published at the end of each semester. At this moment, university has been out for a week, while the high schools are finishing up their school year.)

    Customer: “Hey, why aren’t you in school?”

    Me: “Beg pardon?”

    Customer: “It’s 11:00 AM; not even the students with special privileges to work during school hours should be out yet! Why are you not at [School] and working here?”

    Me: “Sir, I graduated a few years ago.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t! I just saw your name in the paper for some fancy list.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean the Dean’s List? Yes, I’m happy that I got on it this semester. I was taking a full load of classes!”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be done yet! School doesn’t finish for another three weeks.”

    Me: “Sir, I no longer attend [High School]. Instead, I—”

    Customer: *shocked* “You dropped out?! After all those times you were in the paper for music and smart stuff? What in the world possessed you to do that?!”

    Me: “I didn’t drop out sir. I just—”

    Customer: “Where is your manager? I need to talk to him about hiring drop outs, even if they appear to be smarticle like you!”

    (Yes, he did use the word ‘smarticle.’)

    Me: *pulls university ID card out of pocket wallet* “Please read the date this was issued.”

    Customer: “Summer 2010?”

    Me: “Yes. Now, why would I have a university ID card?”

    Customer: “Because you go to that university?”

    (I wait.)

    Customer: “Oh… yeah. That was the college list, wasn’t it?” *gathers up items, pays, and leaves*

    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

    | Roanoke, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

    (I work at an IT help desk during college, helping both students and faculty. We have a call from a Computer Science professor; he is in the middle of teaching a classroom and wants a new mouse.)

    Me: *entering classroom* “You asked for a new mouse, right?”

    Professor: “It took you long enough! We’ve been waiting to start class for 15 minutes now!”

    Me: “Well, here you go.”

    (I put his mouse on the desk and start to walk out.)

    Professor: “Wait, aren’t you going to install it?”

    Me: “…It’s a USB mouse.”

    Professor: “So? I don’t know how to install these things!”

    Me: “It’s a plug-and-play mouse. Sir, you just—”

    Professor: “Just install the d*** mouse!”

    (At this point, I realize what I’m dealing with. I walk over, plug the mouse into the port labelled “USB” on the front of the tower, and walk out. The class erupts into laughter. The next day, he filed a complaint against the IT department for ‘Defamation and Public Humiliation’.)

    Related:
    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 2
    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse

    An Interest In Corruption

    , | USA | Money, School

    (I work in the fines office of a university library. A professor has come in, outraged that he has been blocked from checking items out. Upon pulling up his account, I see that he has a staggering 700 books checked out and $4,500 in fines.)

    Professor: “I need to check out books for a presentation tomorrow! This system is corrupt!”

    Me: “If there are more than $80 in fines, patrons cannot check out. But as long as you bring these overdue books in before [date] all the fines will be removed.”

    Professor: “I can’t do that!” *pulls out checkbook* “Here’s what I’m going to do. I will write you a check for $4,500 so I can check out more books. Then, when I bring the overdue books in, you will pay me the $4,500 back with interest. Got it?!”

    He Has Been Governated

    | USA | School, Top

    (We are having a political event at our school, and many politicians are attending, including the Governor of the state. There is a free lunch, but we get less than half the people we expect, so we start giving lunch to random people who happen to be walking by.)

    Student: *cuts in line*

    Man behind him: “Excuse me, you cut the line.”

    Student: “Do you know who I am?”

    (I don’t know who the student is, but I do know who the man behind him is, so I’m concealing my laughter.)

    Man behind him: “No, but I’m not allowed to cut the line either and I doubt you’re allowed to.”

    Student: “Excuse me? Who do you think you are?”

    Man behind him: “The Governor. And you are?”

    Taking The Big Out Of Bigotry

    | Orange, NJ, USA | Bigotry, Religion, School, Top

    (I am female. My girlfriend picks up my teen niece from school and they meet me at my job everyday. On this day, my niece’s school has a “Pride Day”, so my niece is dressed in purple and has a rainbow-colored band around her upper arm. A customer has noticed.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. Are you gay?”

    My Niece: “No, ma’am. Why do you ask?”

    Customer: “Because your band says ‘gay’ on it.”

    My Niece: “Oh! It actually says ‘I support gays’. Today was Pride Day at my school. That’s also why my band is rainbow and I’m wearing so much purple.”

    Customer: *very loudly* “You will go to Hell for telling people to sin! You are encouraging people to disobey God!”

    My Niece: “To be honest, ma’am, I am an atheist. But my school’s principal is Christian and he announced the Pride Day.”

    Customer: “You will burn in Hell! How does your family feel about you disobeying God’s word?”

    My Niece: “Actually, my parents are okay with me being an atheist. Also, you see that lady over there who helped you?” *points to me* “She’s my aunt, and that woman there—” *points to my girlfriend* “—is her girlfriend, and they’ve been together for 14 years. They’re also Christians.”

    Customer: “Heathens! Filthy, devil-worshipping heathens is what you all are! You will have to face God one day!”

    (My niece has been smiling throughout this whole exchange, as if she’s completely unbothered by the customer’s comments.)

    My Niece: “Ma’am, correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t Christians believe that God loves all His children? And isn’t Christianity about ‘loving thy neighbor’? If that’s true, why are you such a closed-minded, air-headed bigot who tries to use religion as a weapon? I think you are just using being Christian as a mask for your hatred. Unless what I’ve just said is false, I don’t think you know what it means to be Christian.”

    (The customer was rendered speechless and stormed out the door, almost leaving her bags behind until my niece kindly reminded her.)

    Page 8/18First...678910...Last