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    Category: School

    Translation Kollaboration

    | NY, USA | Language & Words, School

    (Campus security has stopped a lost visitor, and is trying to work out where he wants to go. The visitor speaks very poor English, but the officer is trying his best.)

    Visitor: “I want go, skink labatree.”

    Security: “You wanna go where?”

    Visitor: “A skink labatree.”

    Security: “Oh, that’s, like, a little lizard. Reptile lab? Lizards? Snakes?”

    Visitor: “No, no, a skink labatree. Kell skinky.”

    Security: “Kill? Like, animal disposal?”

    Visitor: “No, no! I want call my daughter, but…”

    (The visitor holds up a cell phone.)

    Visitor: “No battery!”

    Security: “Ahh, okay. Wanna try mine?”

    (Security offers the visitor his phone.)

    Visitor: “No, no, I don’t know she kell. No battery my kell.”

    Security: “Hold up a sec.”

    (Security points to his cell phone.)

    Visitor: “Kell phone, no battery!”

    Security: “Kell laboratory?”

    Visitor: “Kell labatree!”

    Security: *scribbling on a piece of paper* “Skink?”

    Visitor: *overjoyed* “Yes! Skink labatree!”

    Security: “Okay, let’s go!”

    (On the paper: “SCIENCE.” I later learned that the visitor had taught himself English almost entirely by reading, and assumed all ‘C’s were hard ‘K’s.)

    Common Sense Playing Truant

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, School, Top

    (I am a junior in college. I’m working retail over Christmas break. It’s early afternoon on a weekday.)

    Customer: *huffs up to me* “They really shouldn’t let you work at this hour. Getting an education is more important than some low-rent job.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t mean to be rude, but what are you talking about?”

    Customer: “You’re, what, 15 years old? They shouldn’t let kids your age work at all, but especially not during the school day.”

    Me: “Oh, sorry for the confusion, ma’am. I’m actually 21, and a junior at [university about 300 miles away]. We have a very long holiday break, so I’ve been off classes for a few weeks now.”

    Customer: “That’s not possible. I need to speak with your manager.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I know I look somewhat young, but I really don’t think it’s necessary to speak to my manager. I’m really, truly a college student on winter break.”

    Customer: “I’ll find your manager myself!”

    (The customer storms off. A few minutes later, I hear my manager over my headset.)

    Manager: “[My name], any chance you have your student ID on you?”

    Me: “I think so… want me to bring it up front if I have it?”

    Manager: “If you could.”

    (I go get my student ID, and bring it to the front of the store.)

    Me: *to customer* “Here’s my student ID, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You must be one of those high school students who takes college classes, too. It’s not possible for you to as old as you say you are. This store should be fined for letting you work during the school day.”

    Me: “Ma’am, my university is hundreds of miles away. You think I commute several hours back and forth every day to take advanced classes?”

    (My manager tells me to go back to work, and I see the customer huff out of the store a few minutes later. A few more minutes pass.)

    Customer: “There she is, officer; arrest her for truancy.”

    Me: “Oh. My. God. You got mall security over this?”

    Mall Security: “If you let me see your driver’s license, I’ll kick her out of the mall for the day, and ban her from your store.”

    Me: “Fair enough…”

    (She was not invited back to our store.)

    Respect The Bottom Line

    | Bismarck, ND, USA | Awesome Workers, School

    (I supervise over the electronics area. I like to get to know the people that are working for me. It is the first day on the sales floor for a coworker just out of high school. I have just gotten the initiative to sign up for classes to get certified in Windows and perhaps improve my work situation. I am telling him about it.)

    Me: “How about you? Any plans to go to college or work in a trade?”

    Coworker: “I respect hard work to move up, more than what college fails to follow through on. I’d rather start at the bottom and work my way—”

    Customer: “WHERE THE F*** IS THE G** D*** BATHROOM?”

    (My coworker points roughly ten feet to the customer’s left, waits a second, and turns to me.)

    Coworker: “Is this what I can expect without college?”

    Me: “Higher education helps, but it isn’t a guarantee. You have to show the work and initiative to get into a position in a place where things like that don’t happen. If there is one person that no one respects, it’s the guy working at the bottom.”

    (He finished his shift, but only returned again for his paycheck. On the way out, he stopped to thank me and inform me he’s applying for scholarships.)

    Food For Thor-t

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Food & Drink, History, School, Top

    (My awesome Viking History professor often has Middle Ages-reenactors who attend his class just to listen to him teach. On one occasion, he and five students decide to go to the ‘Steak and Ale’, a restaurant, in armor and long medieval gowns. The server is quite surprised at how they are dressed, and isn’t quite sure how to deal with them.)

    Server: “Uh… what would you like to eat?”

    (One of the guys in full plate armor takes his armored fist, and slams it down onto the table and shouts.)

    Armored Guy: “MEAT!”

    (The server jumps.)

    Server: *nervously* “H-how do you want it?”

    (The armored guy slams his fist down on the table again, and shouts.)

    Armored Guy: “COOKED!”

    (According to my professor, they somehow avoided getting thrown out of the restaurant!)

    Reminder: Check Out Not Always Learning!

    | Not Always Learning | Announcements, School

    Hey everyone! Just a reminder to check out our latest site:
    Not Always Learning!

    One of our most frequently requested websites, Not Always Learning features true, reader-submitted stories of funny & interesting students, teachers, parents, and staff!

    We’ve all dealt with people in school-related situations who are Not Always Learning, so we invite you to visit Not Always Learning today and share your school story!


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