Category: School

The Umpire Strikes Back

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, School

(I am umpiring a fourth grade boys baseball game. Before the game starts, I walk down to the field with the other umpire with our gear. I am going to be behind the plate. The fact that I am a girl with a ponytail immediately catches the eyes of the boys on one of the teams.)

Boys: “Are you the umpire?”

Me: “Yes”

Boys: “You’re a girl! A girl umpire!”

Me: “Have you guys had a girl umpire before?”

Boys: “No”

One Boy: “My dad said girls can’t be umpires because they are ignorant when it comes to sports.”

Me: *laughs*

(The coach quickly came by and made all the boys go warm up all while apologizing to me. A few minutes later, the coach called me over. I went over and he made the boy’s dad apologize for the comment before the boy was allowed to play.)

Optional Advice

| Toronto, ON, USA | Crazy Requests, School, Spouses & Partners

Student: “This is an emergency! I need help NOW!”

Me: “Did you need me to call 9-1-1, or simply directions to the nearest hospital?”

Student: “No! I need to talk to a career counselor NOW!”

Me: “The career advisors work on an appointment basis. How does next Tuesday work for you?”

Student: “No! I need to talk to somebody NOW!”

Me: “Well, I suppose I can help you. What question do you need answered?”

Student: “I was offered two jobs and I need somebody to tell me what to do.”

Me: “Congratulations on the two job offers. Please tell me more about each position.”

Student: “One job is in Toronto and the other is in Windsor.”

Me: “Well, is relocation an option?”

Student: “I don’t want to leave Toronto.”

Me: “Well, I believe you’ve made your decision.”

Student: “But the job in Windsor pays $20,000 more per year.”

Me: “Is relocation an option?”

Student: “My wife doesn’t want to leave Toronto.”

Me: “Is divorce an option?”

Making Universal University Assumptions

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, School

(I am in college and working full-time as the receptionist for a car repair shop to pay my way. Because I don’t always have customers calling or coming in, the management allows me to bring my homework with me, provided I can put it down immediately when someone phones or comes in. I am 21 and look very young for my age. One older customer walks in and looks down at the book on the desk while I’m pulling her file.)

Customer: “Does your teacher know you’re skipping class?”

Me: “Well… this is just my homework. Now, about your car—”

Customer: “What? High schools don’t have class at night. Is it even legal for you to be here?”

Me: “Actually, I’m in college. I’m 21; I just look a lot younger than I am.”

Customer: “Do not lie to me, young lady. You should be ashamed of yourself. Skipping class and lying. Does your manager know this?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m not in high school. And I’m working on my schoolwork here, so I’m obviously not trying to ditch schoolwork. Now, if I can get you to sign these papers here, we’ll get the estimator to come and—”

Customer: “Nonsense! You’re just trying to get out of responsibility, and now that I’ve caught you, you’re trying to distract me by talking about my car! You young people dropping out of school is what is causing the economy issues we’re having!”

(I quietly flip over the book to show her the cover, which lists the state university name, as well as a college-level class name.)

Customer: “What forms did you need me to fill out?”

Regrade The Service

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, School

(I’m a high school student, and I work at my dad’s sports grill. I am bussing a table when I recognize an old middle school teacher. His friend then decides to strike up a conversation.)

Friend: “Hey, cutie, can I buy you a drink?”

Me: “Unfortunately, drinking on the job is prohibited. Also, I’m underage.”

Friend: “Well.” *winks* “You don’t look underage.”

Teacher: “I had her in eighth grade… three years ago.”

Friend: *shrinking and turning red* “Oh…”

Me: “Yeah…”

Differing Degrees Of Snobbery

| Memphis, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, School

(I’m a cashier at a small, high-end grocery store. One day, towards the end of my shift, a middle aged man and a girl, around 11 or 12, walk up. Note that I appear around five years younger than I actually am and took the cashier job out of necessity.)

Me: “That’ll be $25.62, sir.”

Customer: *ignoring the other customers waiting behind him* “Are you in school?”

Me: “I… excuse me?”

Customer: “Are. You. In. School?”

Me: “Well, no, I already—”

Customer: *talking to the girl* “See, this is why you gotta study hard! I don’t want you working some crap job because you didn’t go to college.”

Me: “Um, sir? That’ll be $25.62.”

Customer: *slams $30 into my hand*

(I get his change and hand it to him along with his receipt. As the next person in line starts putting their items onto the counter, he stands in place and starts counting his change.)

Customer: “You shorted me.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. How much did I give you?”

Customer: “This is why you have to work a crap job like this! Because you can’t even count right!”

Me: “Sir, I need to see how much I gave you so I can give you the right amount.”

Customer: “You gave me $4.38.”

Me: “…that’s right. It should be on your receipt.”

Customer: “No, I need a five.”

(I print out another copy of his receipt and show him that his change was correct. He stands there and argues with me, so I call over the manager to talk to him. The conversation takes a while, so when my next customers are done, I stroll over.)

Manager: “I don’t know how else to tell you… that IS the amount you’re owed.”

Customer: “No, it’s basic math! Can’t anyone here do basic math?”

Me: “Here.” *I pull out my phone and show him on its calculator* “It all adds up to $30.”

Customer: “What do you know?! You didn’t even go to school!”

Manager: “I thought you went to [Well Known Private College]?”

Me: “I did. I have a bachelor’s from there.”

Customer: *stunned* “What? How? You’re a kid.”

Me: “I’m 25, sir.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you say so! I guess it’s okay, then.”

(He and the girl finally exit.)

Manager: “…that’s the kind of man who gives his credit card number to a prince of Nigeria.”

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