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    Category: School

    I Am More Than The Sum

    | UK | At The Checkout, Math & Science, School

    (I’m working a register during the busy Christmas season. I’m coming towards the end of a 12-hour shift when a man comes to my till.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. That will be [price].”

    Customer: “Can I pay part with cash and the rest on my card?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s fine. I’ll have to process the card first, so how much do you have in cash?”

    Customer: “[Amount].”

    Me: “Okay. That’ll be…”

    (I try to work out how much remains after subtracting his cash from the price, but my brain is just fried and I can’t think.)

    Me: “That’ll be… erm…”

    Customer: *sighs angrily* “It’ll be [other amount] on my card!”

    Me: “Right you are, sir. Sorry about that. It’s been a long day.”

    Customer: *mumbles about me being an idiot*

    (Once the customer has paid, he goes to leave. Suddenly, he turns back to me.)

    Customer: “You know, you are useless. Can’t even do simple calculations without needing a calculator. No wonder you’re working in a shop!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m coming to the end of a long shift of overtime, due to the busy season. Plus I’m a little tired after being up all night studying for my post grad molecular and microbiology final tomorrow. I hope you’ll understand.”

    (The customer went red and shut his mouth quickly. He ran off without so much as an apology!)

    Needs To Seriously Self Check Out Of Campus

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, School

    (Customer #1 is in line ahead of Customer #2, and is buying a large amount of instant coffee, instant noodles, and candy.)

    Customer #1: “D***! This stupid credit card thing can’t read my card.”

    Clerk: “Try it again, sir, and move the card slowly and evenly.”

    Customer #1: “Nope! This f****** thing is broken.”

    Customer #2: “How’s studying for finals going?”

    Customer #1: “Uh… Not well. Why?”

    Customer #2: “Because you’re trying to pay with your student ID.”

    (Customer #1 stares at the card for a long time.)

    Customer #1: “I haven’t left campus in way too long.”

    A Minor Problem

    | Boston, MA, USA | Family & Kids, School, Transportation

    (I am a chaperone on a preschool field trip. We have six chaperones including me. All the other seats on the bus are filled with our two-year-olds. About 40 people can fit on each bus. It is near the end of the day, and the driver is clearly exhausted. A woman approaches the driver, who is outside on the ground with her.)

    Woman: “I’d like to get on this bus.”

    Driver: “Sorry. You can’t get on this one.”

    Woman: “Well, why not?”

    Driver: “Because it’s full!”

    (It’s important to realize that the bus is open-air, so there are no tinted windows. However, the walls are fairly high, and the bus is high up. The woman, from her vantage point on the ground, cannot see all the small children.)

    Woman: “No, it’s not. You only have 6 people in there.”

    Driver: “No. You see—”

    (The woman starts complaining loudly about how lazy and incompetent the driver is. The driver tries to explain that the bus is full of small children, but the woman keeps cutting her off. Having had enough, I pick up the two-year-old beside me, and walk up to the bus entrance.)

    Me: “There are over 30 of these in here!”

    (The woman promptly shuts up and, red-faced, walks away.)

    Not Ex-static About Donating

    | Canada | Liars & Scammers, Money, School

    (The particular call centre I work at calls alumni from the university, both to give them updates and to solicit donations. The alumnus I’m speaking with is quite polite. I’m partway through the call.)

    Me: “…so the date of your reunion is in two months. It sounds like you really enjoyed your time here!”

    Alumnus: “I definitely did.”

    Me: “Part of the reason you were able to enjoy it so much is because of the generosity of other alumni, like you, from the past—”

    Alumnus: “Oh, we’re doing that part now.”

    Me: “…so if you’d like, I could—”

    Alumnus: “Hold on a second! Khrrrrrrrt…”

    (The alum has started making not-quite-static noises with his throat.)

    Me: “Uh, sir? Are you—”

    Alumnus: “You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!”

    (This is followed by an actual phone click.)

    Their Scam Doesn’t Pan Out

    , | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, School, Theme Of The Month

    (In our college cafeteria, you can eat as much as you want. I make and cook and cut pizza and serve it on a tray, where students can serve themselves. I have just made two cheese pizzas and put one of them on the serving tray. I have made a backup due to the lunch rush. Two students approach.)

    Student #1: “Excuse me; do you have any fresh pizza?”

    Me: “The one that is there came out of the oven less than five minutes ago. I’m sure it’s quite good.”

    Student #2: “But there’s two pieces missing.”

    Me: “Well, someone came and took some pizza since I put it out.”

    Student #1: “I want some fresh pizza. Why can’t you give me a piece of the one you have there?”

    (The student points to the pizza I just put in the hot box that is used to keep food warm.)

    Me: “That pizza came out of the oven at the same time as the one that’s out on the tray.”

    Student #1: “But it’s been sitting out.”

    Me: “For less than five minutes.”

    Student #2: “Fine. Whatever b****.”

    (I turn my back to continue making pizzas, when my manager approaches.)

    Manager: “Hey, you need to get another cheese pizza out, pronto!”

    Me: “Already? I just put one out!”

    (A coworker approaches us.)

    Coworker: “Dude, did you see what happened?”

    Manager: “What?”

    Coworker: “Those girls each took four pieces of pizza when your back was turned and threw it out so they could get ‘fresher’ pizza.”

    Me: “Are you serious?!”

    Coworker: “Yeah! Here they come!”

    Student #2: “Do you have a fresh pizza out?”

    Manager: “Did you just take an entire pizza and throw it out so that you could get a different one?”

    Student #1: “Well she wasn’t serving fresh pizza!”

    Coworker: “She’s lying! [My Name] had put that pizza out maybe two minutes before they came here. Two pieces were missing because the guy in front of them took them.”

    Manager: “We’re going to have to have a little chat about wasting perfectly good food.”

    (My manager had a long talk with the girls and got them to admit that they threw out an entire pizza. After that, my manager gave me permission to refuse service to those two. Thankfully, I never saw them again anyway.)

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