Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,195 thumbs up)
  • Category: School

    No, Not That Kind Of Flash Pass

    | Edinburgh, UK | School, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working during a night shift. A girl enters the lobby in her pajamas.)

    Student: “Um, hi. I’ve locked myself out of my room.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. As you know, the access fee is £5.”

    Student: “Yes, I know, but I don’t have any money with me. Everything is in my room.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t let you back in until we get £5 from you, but I can take it from your deposit if you like.”

    Student: “No, no! You can’t do that. My mum will kill me!”

    Me: “It’s either that, or you give me £5 cash right now. There is no alternative.”

    (The girl awkwardly pauses.)

    Student: “Are you sure?”

    (The girl gives him a cheeky look before taking off her top completely, exposing her naked front. I stare in shock, before quickly regaining my composure.)

    Me: “Well, those are very nice. Now, that’ll be £5 please.”

    Makeup Quiz For A Madeup Flu

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, School

    (A student who has missed class and calls me a day later to explain her absence.)

    Student: “I need to take the quiz I missed yesterday.”

    Me: “Remember, quizzes cannot be made up.”

    Student: “I missed class yesterday because my son is sick.”

    Little voice in the background: “Momma, I’m sick?”

    Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

    | Tempe, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Math & Science, School

    (At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”

    (I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)

    Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”

    Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”

    Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! Humidity made the pages stick together!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”

    Student: “Water, duh!”

    (There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)

    Student: “Oh…can you help me find my other books, then?”

    Parental Misguidance

    | Birmingham, AL, USA | Family & Kids, School

    (Parents often call to make sure their children are where they are supposed to be or are going to be ready when they come to pick them up.)

    Me: “Computer lab, this is [name].”

    Mother: “Hi, I am looking for my son. I think he’s up there using your computers.”

    Me: “Okay, can you tell me what he looks like?”

    Mother: “Well, he’s got medium skin, he’s kind of heavy, and he looks a little slow.”

    Doesn’t Enjoy Bird Watching But Quite Likes The Woods

    | Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid, School

    (I am sitting quietly in Current Affairs when I get a tap on the back from behind from a student.)

    Student: “Hey. Is Dick Cheney the funny man on TV?”

    Me: “No, he was the Vice President during the Bush Administration.”

    Student: *blank look*

    Me: “You know, he was the one who shot his friend in the face while quail hunting?”

    Student: “Oh my God, he what! Wait, what’s a quail?”

    Me: “It’s a type of bird.”

    Student: “Why on earth would anyone kill a bird?”

    Me: “To eat?”

    Student: “That’s disgusting!”

    Me: “Where do you think chicken’s come from!?”

    Student: “Oh… right. I swear I’m not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!”

    Page 15/18First...1314151617...Last