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    Category: School

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, School

    (I work in the testing center for a community college. We administer placement exams and make-up exams, among other things. This particular student is taking his placement exam.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I have you set up on that computer over there.” *points to computer* “Just finish filling in your personal information and the test will begin.”

    Student: “Okay, thanks.”

    (About forty-five minutes go by as the student goes through the exam. I then see him raise his hand, so I stand up and walk over to his computer.)

    Me: “Is there something wrong?”

    Student: “Yeah, it’s telling me that I’m about to start the arithmetic test.”

    Me: “Yes, that is part of the placement exam.”

    Student: “But I’m supposed to be taking a math test, not an arithmetic test!”

    Model Behavior

    | Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | School

    (Several other high school students and I are on lunch break at a Model UN simulation. I am part of the Nigeria delegation. We are all about 15 years old.)

    Woman: “So, are you a visiting diplomat from Nigeria?”

    Me: “No, there’s a Model UN for high school students here today. I’m not really a diplomat.”

    Woman: “Oh, cool. So you’re like some foreign student who gets sent here to do some simulation?”

    Me: “No, I go to [local high school]. I’m not actually Nigerian.”

    (Note that I am white and do not in any way remotely resemble someone one would expect to be from Nigeria.)

    Woman: “Isn’t it a felony to impersonate an ambassador?”

    Me: “No, it’s a model UN meeting. I’m not impersonating anybody. My tag clearly says ‘Model United Nations.’”

    Woman: “Well, I’m reporting you to campus security!”

    (She goes over to the campus security booth nearby and says something to the guard. The guard responds and she angrily walks away. As soon as she is gone, he bursts out laughing).

    Deferred Gratification 101

    | Georgia, USA | School

    (I work in a campus post office for students only. Package slips are put in the boxes and an e-mail is sent to the student’s school e-mail address when they receive a package.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Student: “Hi, do I have a package?”

    Me: “Did you have a package slip in your box? I need that.”

    Student: “No, I didn’t get one.”

    (I go to the back and check anyway because one of the workers often forgets to put the slips in the boxes during her shift.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t see any package with your name.”

    Student: “Could you check again?”

    Me: “There were only 6 packages, and I’m sure none of them were for you. Did you get an email saying your package had arrived?”

    Student: “No.”

    Me: “Did the tracking number say it had been delivered?”

    Student: “Oh, no, the tracking number didn’t have any information on it.”

    (I go online to double check her tracking number.)

    Me: “It says here that you ordered the package only three hours ago.”

    Student: “Yeah, so it’s not here yet?”

    Me: “No. It says here that it’s coming from out of the country. It could take up to a month for it to arrive depending on how long it takes to get through customs, but it usually takes two or three weeks.”

    Student: “Oh…well, okay. I’ll come back to check tomorrow then!”

    No, Not That Kind Of Flash Pass

    | Edinburgh, UK | School, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working during a night shift. A girl enters the lobby in her pajamas.)

    Student: “Um, hi. I’ve locked myself out of my room.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. As you know, the access fee is £5.”

    Student: “Yes, I know, but I don’t have any money with me. Everything is in my room.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t let you back in until we get £5 from you, but I can take it from your deposit if you like.”

    Student: “No, no! You can’t do that. My mum will kill me!”

    Me: “It’s either that, or you give me £5 cash right now. There is no alternative.”

    (The girl awkwardly pauses.)

    Student: “Are you sure?”

    (The girl gives him a cheeky look before taking off her top completely, exposing her naked front. I stare in shock, before quickly regaining my composure.)

    Me: “Well, those are very nice. Now, that’ll be £5 please.”

    Makeup Quiz For A Madeup Flu

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, School

    (A student who has missed class and calls me a day later to explain her absence.)

    Student: “I need to take the quiz I missed yesterday.”

    Me: “Remember, quizzes cannot be made up.”

    Student: “I missed class yesterday because my son is sick.”

    Little voice in the background: “Momma, I’m sick?”

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