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    Category: School

    Financially Bankrupt, Circumstantially Bereft, And Substantially Boneheaded

    | South Carolina, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, School

    (I work for the financial aid department at a local tech school. A student comes in and asks about his student loans.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Student: *dismayed response* “Yeah, I want to check my student loans request.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Can I get a student ID number?”

    Student: “I ain’t got one.”

    Me: “Can I have your last and first name?”

    Student: “Yeah.”

    (There’s an awkward silence as he doesn’t say anything.)

    Me: “Sir, may I get your last and first name?”

    Student: *gives name*

    (I search for the student, but can’t find him.)

    Me: “Sir, are you a student here?”

    Student: “I ain’t got time for this! I want my money!”

    Me: “Sir, you have to be a student to get student loans.”

    Student: *shocked* “Oh, s***, really?”

    America’s Favorite Pastime

    | Bloomington, IN, USA | School

    (I’m a leasing agent for a local management company. A large percentage of our leasees are college students. I am showing a home to 5 students. On the second floor, there are two bathrooms back to back.)

    Me: “Here’s the 2nd bathroom.”

    Student: “Can we knock the wall down between the two bathrooms?”

    Me: “Um, no. I can tell you now that the owner will not do that.”

    Student: “Aww, come on. You should at least ask!”

    Me: “Why do you want to knock down the wall anyway?”

    Student: “So we can do GROUP POOP!”

    A Bit Young To Be So Off-Color

    | France | School

    (I am a kindergarten teacher, and I’m meeting a student for the first time.)

    Me: “What is your favorite color?”

    5 year-old: “Stool.”

    Me: “Let’s try that again…”

    Obviously, They Prefer Fartissimo

    , | Huntington Beach, CA, USA | School

    (In music, “pianissimo” means “very quiet”. It is abbreviated as “PP” on sheet music and scores. Currently, I am teaching a student who always pounds the keys, no matter what dynamic level is indicated.)

    Student: “Oh no! This has PP!”

    Me: “Yep, it’s a quiet piece.”

    Student: “I hate PP! It’s too hard to do. I can’t do PP!”

    Me: “Sounds like a personal problem to me, buddy…”

    The Klass Of 2015

    | England, UK | School

    (I’m working clearing, which is when we take in calls about students who are in their last ditch effort to get into the university.)

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine. I’m going to process your application now. Can I please take your first name?”

    Student: “Yes. It’s…” *unintelligible speech*

    Me: “Can you please spell that for me?”

    Student: “Ugh, if I have to. It’s K…” *unintelligible*

    Me: “Okay, can you repeat that for me? It starts with K?”

    Student: “Yeah, you know. K as in Chicken.”


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