July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: School

Has A Plain Brain

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, School

(My younger sister is in high school, and I often pick her up. I overhear a conversation when I am waiting.)

Student #1: “I’m gonna go get a burger… wanna come?”

Student #2: “Over at [fast food] place? Nah, they always mess up my order when I go.”

Student #1: “What do they do?”

Student #2: “I always order it plain but then they put nothing on it.”

Student #1: “You dumba***, that’s what plain means!”

Student #2: “No, it isn’t! Plain means a plain burger! You know, how they’re supposed to make it. No changes.”

Student #1: “I can’t believe I’m friends with you.”

Drop(out) The Bomb

| AB, Canada | School, Underaged

(I live in a small town; as such, little stories such as ‘so and so made this all star team’ or ‘this person went to a university’s honor band” frequently appear in the newspaper. During high school, I was part of the later group until I started university, where my name would continue to appear in the Dean’s List published at the end of each semester. At this moment, university has been out for a week, while the high schools are finishing up their school year.)

Customer: “Hey, why aren’t you in school?”

Me: “Beg pardon?”

Customer: “It’s 11:00 AM; not even the students with special privileges to work during school hours should be out yet! Why are you not at [School] and working here?”

Me: “Sir, I graduated a few years ago.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! I just saw your name in the paper for some fancy list.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the Dean’s List? Yes, I’m happy that I got on it this semester. I was taking a full load of classes!”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be done yet! School doesn’t finish for another three weeks.”

Me: “Sir, I no longer attend [High School]. Instead, I—”

Customer: *shocked* “You dropped out?! After all those times you were in the paper for music and smart stuff? What in the world possessed you to do that?!”

Me: “I didn’t drop out sir. I just—”

Customer: “Where is your manager? I need to talk to him about hiring drop outs, even if they appear to be smarticle like you!”

(Yes, he did use the word ‘smarticle.’)

Me: *pulls university ID card out of pocket wallet* “Please read the date this was issued.”

Customer: “Summer 2010?”

Me: “Yes. Now, why would I have a university ID card?”

Customer: “Because you go to that university?”

(I wait.)

Customer: “Oh… yeah. That was the college list, wasn’t it?” *gathers up items, pays, and leaves*

How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

| Roanoke, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

(I work at an IT help desk during college, helping both students and faculty. We have a call from a Computer Science professor; he is in the middle of teaching a classroom and wants a new mouse.)

Me: *entering classroom* “You asked for a new mouse, right?”

Professor: “It took you long enough! We’ve been waiting to start class for 15 minutes now!”

Me: “Well, here you go.”

(I put his mouse on the desk and start to walk out.)

Professor: “Wait, aren’t you going to install it?”

Me: “…It’s a USB mouse.”

Professor: “So? I don’t know how to install these things!”

Me: “It’s a plug-and-play mouse. Sir, you just—”

Professor: “Just install the d*** mouse!”

(At this point, I realize what I’m dealing with. I walk over, plug the mouse into the port labelled “USB” on the front of the tower, and walk out. The class erupts into laughter. The next day, he filed a complaint against the IT department for ‘Defamation and Public Humiliation’.)

Related:
How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 2
How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse

An Interest In Corruption

, | USA | Money, School

(I work in the fines office of a university library. A professor has come in, outraged that he has been blocked from checking items out. Upon pulling up his account, I see that he has a staggering 700 books checked out and $4,500 in fines.)

Professor: “I need to check out books for a presentation tomorrow! This system is corrupt!”

Me: “If there are more than $80 in fines, patrons cannot check out. But as long as you bring these overdue books in before [date] all the fines will be removed.”

Professor: “I can’t do that!” *pulls out checkbook* “Here’s what I’m going to do. I will write you a check for $4,500 so I can check out more books. Then, when I bring the overdue books in, you will pay me the $4,500 back with interest. Got it?!”

He Has Been Governated

| USA | School, Top

(We are having a political event at our school, and many politicians are attending, including the Governor of the state. There is a free lunch, but we get less than half the people we expect, so we start giving lunch to random people who happen to be walking by.)

Student: *cuts in line*

Man behind him: “Excuse me, you cut the line.”

Student: “Do you know who I am?”

(I don’t know who the student is, but I do know who the man behind him is, so I’m concealing my laughter.)

Man behind him: “No, but I’m not allowed to cut the line either and I doubt you’re allowed to.”

Student: “Excuse me? Who do you think you are?”

Man behind him: “The Governor. And you are?”

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