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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Category: School

    It’s The Principle Of The Matter

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, School

    (I am second in line, and it’s early morning on a Thursday. The area has just gotten a severe weather warning about freezing rain and hail. In front of me is a chipper customer chatting with the clerk as she pays for her 40-oz bottles of malt liquor.)

    Customer: “I got four of these. Does the two for five bucks still apply?”

    Clerk: “Sure does. You got the day off, do you?”

    Customer: “Yep, I work for the school district, and school’s been cancelled! I’m gonna get shit-faced before noon!”

    Clerk: *slightly shocked* “Okay, well, that’s $10.20. Have fun.”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t worry. I’m not teaching your kids. I’m the principal!”

    Making False Bald Statements

    | KS, USA | Pets & Animals, School

    (I am currently working in the birds of prey section when a group of students and a few chaperones walk in.)

    Chaperone #1: *points at golden eagle* “Look kids! It’s the state bird of America.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s actually a golden eagle. The bald eagle is the national bird.”

    Chaperone #1: “I went to school for four years. I think I know what the state bird of America is!”

    Me: “I’m not questioning your intelligence, ma’am, but America does not have a ‘state bird.’ It’s national symbol is, in fact, the bald eagle. If you look at the sign in front of the exhibit you will see that this is a golden eagle.”

    Chaperone #1: “That’s a f****** bald eagle! I’m a history teacher! I know my s***!”

    Chaperone #2: “Michelle, you are not a teacher! You are merely a chaperone. If you continue to act like this you will never be a chaperone again.”

    Chaperone #1: *dumbfounded*

    Student: “You tell her, Mrs. [Chaperone #2]!”

    Incorrectly Prospecting Your Lack Of Prospects

    , | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, School

    (I work in a fast food restaurant to earn some extra money while at university; I work at a branch quite far from my university in a popular shopping area so no one in my class knows. Most of the other people in my class are fairly well off and I don’t really fit in. I have colourful hair and three facial piercings. One day a girl from my class comes in with her mother and she notices me but doesn’t say anything as the mother steers her towards my station.)

    Mother: “I’ve told you time and time again that you have to stay in education. You can’t just quit university because you’d rather spend time with your boyfriend.”

    Me: “May I take your order?”

    (The mother places order for them both and as I walk to fill the drinks I hear her say to her daughter.)

    Mother: “If you drop out of university you’ll end up like that girl there, all filth and metal with no career or future prospects.”

    Girl: “Actually, mum, she’s in my class and she works harder than most of us. She helps us all with our work if we get stuck and is really nice.”

    (The mum was stunned into silence and I pretended not to have heard as I gave them their meal. The next day the girl asked if I wanted to go to a party with her!)

    The Umpire Strikes Back

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, School

    (I am umpiring a fourth grade boys baseball game. Before the game starts, I walk down to the field with the other umpire with our gear. I am going to be behind the plate. The fact that I am a girl with a ponytail immediately catches the eyes of the boys on one of the teams.)

    Boys: “Are you the umpire?”

    Me: “Yes”

    Boys: “You’re a girl! A girl umpire!”

    Me: “Have you guys had a girl umpire before?”

    Boys: “No”

    One Boy: “My dad said girls can’t be umpires because they are ignorant when it comes to sports.”

    Me: *laughs*

    (The coach quickly came by and made all the boys go warm up all while apologizing to me. A few minutes later, the coach called me over. I went over and he made the boy’s dad apologize for the comment before the boy was allowed to play.)

    Optional Advice

    | Toronto, ON, USA | Crazy Requests, School, Spouses & Partners

    Student: “This is an emergency! I need help NOW!”

    Me: “Did you need me to call 9-1-1, or simply directions to the nearest hospital?”

    Student: “No! I need to talk to a career counselor NOW!”

    Me: “The career advisors work on an appointment basis. How does next Tuesday work for you?”

    Student: “No! I need to talk to somebody NOW!”

    Me: “Well, I suppose I can help you. What question do you need answered?”

    Student: “I was offered two jobs and I need somebody to tell me what to do.”

    Me: “Congratulations on the two job offers. Please tell me more about each position.”

    Student: “One job is in Toronto and the other is in Windsor.”

    Me: “Well, is relocation an option?”

    Student: “I don’t want to leave Toronto.”

    Me: “Well, I believe you’ve made your decision.”

    Student: “But the job in Windsor pays $20,000 more per year.”

    Me: “Is relocation an option?”

    Student: “My wife doesn’t want to leave Toronto.”

    Me: “Is divorce an option?”

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