November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

He Is Weigh Out Of Line

, | WA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

(It is a few days before Christmas. One of my coworkers is nearby.)

Me: “Hi there, sir. Are you finding everything all right?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m just trying to decide which size sweater would fit my wife better.”

Me: “Do you know what size she normally wears?”

Customer: “Not really, but she is bigger than you… especially in the breasts… She is more like your size!” *gesturing to my coworker*

(Turns around to address my coworker.)

Customer: “What do you weigh?”

Not So Nuts About The Innuendo

| Medford, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(At our store, we have a rack of potato chips, peanuts, and other snacks that is a few steps away from the register. The customer puts a six-pack of beer on the counter, then steps away to grab something off the rack and comes back to the counter with some peanuts.)

Customer: “You really should put your nuts on the counter.”

Me: “I’m not sure how to respond to that.” *hoping he’d get how awkward it sounded, and laugh it off*

Customer: “I might grab them more often, if you did.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Yeah, they’re probably just fine right where they are.”

(I’m pretty sure this guy was just clueless about what he said and not actually hitting on me!)

Hard Ballin’

| Malta | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I work as a radiographer in the MRI suite. Since the MRI is a powerful magnet, we have to screen patients in case they have any metal implants.)

Me: “Have you had any operations?”

Patient: “Sure. Nothing major. though.”

Me: “Do you have any metal implants?”

Patient: “I should hope not! I was operated on my balls!”

(We looked at each other in silence, with me trying to remain as serious and as professional as possible. Sadly, I failed.)

A Stupid Call By Any Metric

| OH, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am working as a third shift clerk in a convenience store. It is nothing unusual to get some very odd phone calls on my night shifts.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Does your store carry Magnum condoms?”

(This is actually a pretty common question.)

Me: “No, but we do carry Durex XXL.”

Caller: “Do you think you could handle nine inches?”

Me: “Sir, turn your ruler around. You’re looking at centimeters. Don’t neglect your lotion and tissues. Have a good night!”

Caller: “Ummm…” *click*

Doesn’t Prank Very Highly With Him

| GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I am working the graveyard security shift when the phone rings.)

Me: “[Company] guard shack. This is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hey, I just wanted to make sure your refrigerator was running.”

Me: “Already caught it running down Oregon Road. Is there something I can help you with?”

(He apparently places his hand badly over the speaker because I can still hear him.)

Caller: *to someone else* “Dude, it didn’t work. Got another?”

Other Person: “Try the Prince Albert one!”

Me: “I’ll stop you two right there; I’ve got Prince Albert in a can, Queen Elizabeth in a box, and the Duke of Earl in a bar with Tom, Dick, and Harry. Unless you have actual business with me, you can just hang up now before I trace this call and put your a** in the grass.”