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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number – The Comic!

    | Not Always Right | Comics, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    Cougar Town

    | Plattsburg, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a small town gas station where you can pump your fuel before you pay. A little old lady—who is probably in her 80s—comes in to pay for fuel.)

    Old Lady: “I guess you want my money, right?”

    Me: *smiling* “I’d hate to call the cops on you.”

    Old Lady: “But it would spice up my day!”

    Coworker: “You should let them pursue you!”

    Old Lady: “Are there any cute ones on duty?”

    Me: “Sherman?”

    Coworker: “Eh. But he looks about 12.”

    Old Lady: “But you find them young to raise them how you want!”

    Red (Light) Flagged Caller

    | Cork, Ireland | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Themed Giveaway, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in one of several worldwide call-centers, taking new reservations and changes/requests to existing reservations with a major luxury hotel chain. Customers often think we are at the hotel they are calling, because we greet them using the hotel name.)

    Me: “Good morning! Thank you for calling [hotel located in Amsterdam]. How may I help you today?”

    Guest: “Hi. I have a reservation for next week for two nights in your hotel. I am flying in from New York and have a two-day layover there in Amsterdam, and I basically just have a few questions.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir, I’ll answer those for you.”

    Guest: “Okay. So, I have a room booked for myself for those two nights. Is the rate any different if someone else is staying in the room with me?”

    Me: “No, not at all. Not unless you have booked a breakfast rate. If breakfast is included, the rate is €10 higher, if you are both having breakfast.”

    Guest: “Okay good. They won’t be having breakfast.”

    Me: “They? The room is a two-person maximum, sir. If you want more people in there, you have to book a larger room.”

    Guest: “Well, that’s my second question: is it a problem if there are two different people joining me on the two different nights?”

    Me: “Oh… no, as long as it just one on each night, then the rate is still the same. Do you have any other questions?”

    Guest: “Yeah… how far are you guys from the red light district?”

    Me: “Um… we are about half a mile away, sir.”

    Guest: “And is it safe walking between the hotel and the district? You know where I am going with this right?”

    Me: “Yes. I think I have pretty good idea, sir. There should be no issue walking between us and the district, sir. Otherwise our concierge can arrange a cab for you. Any further questions?”

    Guest: “No, I think that’s all. Thank you so much for your help! Have a great day!”

    (The call ends, and my coworker turns to me.)

    Coworker: “Another ‘John’ going to Amsterdam?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    The Code Has Three ‘X’s In It

    , | USA | Rude & Risque

    (I’ve been on the phone for a good ten minutes at this point with a woman in her late 80s who has a strong Southern accent. She has been extremely prim and proper for the entire call.)

    Me: “And do you have the offer code?”

    Caller: “Offer code? What’s that, dear?”

    Me: “It should be printed on the order form near where your name is located.”

    Caller: “One moment. Oh, I found it!”

    Me: *waits*

    Caller: *silence*

    Me: “Ma’am, may I have the code please?”

    Caller: “Oh, of course, sweetie. It’s F as in ‘f***.’ D as in ‘d***.’ A as in ‘a**.’”

    (The caller pauses before continuing, suddenly sounding very smug.)

    Caller: “All of which I enjoy a great deal when it comes to my men.”

    (I still have no idea how I managed to hold in my laughter until after I finished placing her order.)

    Blind To The TMI Boundary

    | MI, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (We sell blinds and wallpaper.)

    Customer: “I need some blinds that will give me lots of privacy.”

    Me: “We have a lot of different options. You may be interested in a blackout cellular shade. Do you have anything specific in mind?”

    Customer: “Well, I need something that won’t get damaged if it gets Vaseline on it.”

    Me: “Okay. Maybe a faux wood or wood blind then?”

    Customer: “Can you see shadows through it? Because I like to cover my whole body in Vaseline and crawl around like a slug, and I don’t want my neighbors to see me.”

    Me: “…um …no, you shouldn’t be able to see shadows.”


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