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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Keep Your Shirt On

    | AL, USA | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (Customer #1 is man in his mid-50s, in a suit, and very polite. Customer #2 is in his mid-30s, with a greasy ponytail and tie-dyed shirt. I go to deliver the food.)

    Me: ”Can I bring you gentlemen anything else?”

    Customer #1: ”No, thank you.”

    Customer #2: ”No, I’m fine.”

    (As I’m turning around, Customer #2 snaps his fingers at me.)

    Me: ”Yes, sir?”

    Customer #2: ”You know, I own a restaurant.”

    Me: ”That’s nice, sir.”

    Customer #2: *leers* ”I’ll give you $10 and a t-shirt for an ‘interview’ in my car.”

    Me: ”No, thanks. I love my job.”

    Customer #2: ”I could make it two t-shirts?”

    Some Lines Get Older Every Day

    | Canastota, NY, USA | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working at a gas station and am currently ringing out a guy that appears to be in his 60s. I am 18.)

    Customer: *grabbing my hand* “Would you like to get a pop with me?”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t drink soda.”

    Customer: “How about a coffee?”

    Me: “Sorry, I’m too young for you.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on. Age is just a number and coffee doesn’t mean anything.”

    Me: “No, thank you.”

    (He still has not given me back my hand yet.)

    Customer: “Oh, come on.”

    Me: *continuing with the transaction* That’ll be [amount].”

    Customer: “So what do you say?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Customer: “How about we leave it as a ‘maybe?’”

    Please Keep Customer Interaction To A Condominimum, Part 2

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (It is a Friday late afternoon. I am mechanically ringing up sales adding “have a nice weekend” to my normal “here’s your receipt” spiel. I realized after saying this to a male customer that he is buying several high-quantity boxes of condoms. I also remember he had a work shirt on with his name sewn on it. I stepped into the pharmacy and talk to my coworkers.)

    Me: “Oh, my God!”

    Coworker: “What is it?”

    Me: “I just told a customer to have a good weekend, before noticing he was buying nothing but condoms! He obviously has plans to do so!”

    (About thirty minutes later the phone rings, and the pharmacist picks it up.)

    Coworker: “[My Name], you have a phone call.”

    (I answer.)

    Caller: “Hi, I’m [Customer With Named Shirt]. I’m calling because I want to go out with you this weekend!”

    (Um, that would be ‘NO,’ creepy condom dude!)

    Related:

    Please Keep Customer Interaction To A Condominimum

    Finished The Transaction At Break-Neck Speed

    , | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I am fresh out of high school. I work at a popular fast food chain and my long-term partner lives about an hour away. I have just returned from a short vacation, during which I spent my time at her house. As we didn’t see each other often we had to make the most of our time together. A customer in his 50s, male, is at my counter.)

    Customer: “You’ve been a naughty girl.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’ve been very naughty.” *points at me*

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    Customer: “The marks on your neck.”

    Me: *instinctively pull up my collar, embarrassed*

    Customer: “That’s all right. Seems like you’ve got a lucky boy on your hands.” *winks*

    This Caller Has No Hang Ups

    | USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in retention for a major credit card company. One of the strictest rules in our department is that, while you can suggest strongly that a customer hang up or call back, you cannot drop the call.)

    Customer: “I was wondering if we could talk about my interest rate. I was noticing on my last- OH, GOD!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “OH! OH, GOD!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you all right?”

    Customer: “I’m fine. My husband just fondled my breast.”

    (I turn bright red and her breathing becomes heavy.)

    Customer: “OH, GOD, YES!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if this is a bad time…”

    Customer: “NO! I was saying, on my last statement, I noticed that my APR… OH, OH, OH, GOD, YES!”

    (From the grunting and moaning on the other end of the line, I deduce that this is not just… um… a fondle. All this time, the woman keeps telling me that she wants to know if we can lower her APR. I finally had to mute the phone, turn down the mind-blowing orgasm that my customer was having and then answer her questions when she could focus again. Most awkward moment ever.)


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