Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Job Description

, | Arlington, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I am a cashier at a costume store. A young boy and his mother come up to pay. The mother is busy texting. The boy has a police officer costume in his hand.)

Boy: “Mommy, now I can really play sodomy!”

Mom: *not paying attention* “That’s nice, sweetie.”

Me: *confused* “Playing sodomy?”

Boy: “Sodomy, like when you pretend to be the police.”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Every Bird And Bee’s Worst Nightmare

| Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m serving a woman in an aisle when her daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, shows up behind me. She’s been hiding in the next aisle over and I’ve thus far been unaware of her presence.)

Me: “Oh! Hi, sweetie! Where did you come from?”

(She pauses and looks at me like I’m stupid.)

Girl: “Mummy’s vagina?”

Spare Change For Cheap Thrills

| NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I am a cashier in a grocery store. I have just rung up an elderly man’s groceries. Keep in mind this man is around 80 years old.)

Me: “Your total is $52.83, sir.”

Customer: *holds out hand full of change* “Can you pick out the right amount for me, honey?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I carefully start counting out change from his open hand.)

Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll let you touch my hand so I can get a thrill. Even at 80, I still get thrills, you know!”

Me: *speechless*

Not So Modest Aspirations

| Europe | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I’m speaking with a three year old girl as I serve her mother.)

Me: “Do you like the pharmacy? Do you think you will be a pharmacist when you grow up?”

Girl: “No! I will be a dancer!”

Me: “Oh, a dancer! That’s nice! Like in a dance group?”

Girl: “No! On the pole!”

You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Make

| Detroit, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

(An elderly woman walks onto the lot from and begins asking me about a car.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “What can you tell me about this red car?”

Me: “This is a 1999 Volvo V70.”

Customer: “A Vulva! My grand-daughter has a vulva! Her boyfriend said he absolutely loves it!”

(I unsuccessfully try to keep a straight face.)

Me: “I’m sure he does, ma’am.”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2

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