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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Accountants And Their Blue Tape

    | Leicester, UK | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (A client calls us requesting we email him a scan of a document. We promptly send this over to him and he calls back almost immediately.)

    Client: “This scan you have sent me only has one page of the document and the rest of it is pornography!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? There is certainly no chance that this contains any pornography. It looks perfectly fine from our end.

    Client: “But there is. I am looking at it right now!”

    Me: “Which button are you clicking?  The one that says ‘Next Page’ or ‘Next Document’?”

    Client: “Why does that matter?”

    Me: “Well if you are clicking Next Document, you are currently looking at all of the pornography that you have recently been viewing on your computer.”

    Client: “F***!” *hangs up*

    Fourth Graders Going On Forty

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Rude & Risque

    (I work for a custom blinds store and a couple is having their whole house done. We’re going over everything and placing the order.)

    Me: “These windows will have an inside mount.”

    Husband: “A what?”

    Me: “Inside mount.”

    Husband: “Oh, hehe.”

    Me: “So, on this one that installer has recommended a reverse mount.”

    Husband: “Haha!”

    Wife: “Shhhh!”

    Husband: “How do you people keep a straight face?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

    Husband: “I had no idea that blinds were so sexual!”

    Me: “Oh, um…. I guess I never thought of it like that.”

    Wife, to husband: “You’re such a child!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Way TooOOOOH Much Information

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (Someone had left a massager in my department, and a little boy of about four found it and began to experiment with it. He held it up to his dad’s back and pushed the button; when that elicited no reaction, he held it up to his grandmother’s pelvic area and pushed the button.)

    Grandma: “OOOOOOOOH! It’s a vibrator! ”

    Little boy: *laughing* “Did it tickle?”

    Grandma: “Yes, it tickled! But put it down before you break it and your daddy has to buy it.”

    Little boy: *skips out toward main mall* “It’s a vibrator, a vibrator! I vibrated Granny!!!”

    Teenage Boys And Smutty Mags? You Don’t Say!

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    Angry Old Woman: “Excuse me! I am very upset because you sold my young grandson pornography!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell pornography.”

    Angry Old Woman: “Get me the manager now!”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Angry Old Woman: “Your pervert cashier sold my grandson pornography!”

    Manager: “Are you sure about that? We don’t sell anything like that here.”

    Angry Old Woman: “Do you think I’m stupid? I saw it with my own eyes! It had naked women and he told me he bought it here with no problem!”

    Manager: “Could you show me on the shelf what it was?”

    (She goes over to the magazines, and points at Maxim.)

    Angry Old Woman: “It was this one! See right here! Where any child could see!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, this magazine is not pornography. Granted, the women are scantily clad in a few pictures but they aren’t naked and there is no age restriction on its sale.”

    Angry Old Woman: “I know pornography when I see it, and this is very offensive. How could you sell it to young children?”

    Manager: “Well, actually our store policy dictates that we won’t sell this to a young child even though it is still legal. How old is your grandson?”

    Angry Old Woman: “He’s only sixteen!”

    Manager: *rolls eyes* “I don’t want to offend your moral beliefs, Ma’am, but if your sixteen year old grandson wants to look at women in bikinis there is no force on earth that is going to stop it, seriously.”

    Angry Old Woman: “The power of Jesus can stop it! The power of Christ should compel you to remove this magazine from your shelves!”

    Manager: “Right…real quick, ma’am, before I get back to work, can I ask you a question? Does your grandson have internet access?”

    Angry Old Woman: “What does that have to do with anything?”

    Manager: “A lot, and I think that the power of Christ should compel you to learn how to look up his browser history. Have a good day.”

    Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

    | Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I was working the candy bar when a I was approached by a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:)

    Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please.”

    (There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.)

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